That '70s Show
I love this show for two reasons. One, it's hilarious, and secondly, because the bad clothes make me grateful to have missed the whole bell-bottom thing. So welcome back, gang. The sixth-season opener did not disappoint. The Grease number was a riot. Eric chose to stay home and help Red recuperate. And Ashton Kutcher in the fat suit has never been funnier. Keep it up, Demi. Oh, and Mila Kunis, get yourself a pair of those black spandex pants. You do look great in them.

It's All Relative
Alias's CIA stick-in-the-mud Victor Garber as a flaming party planner? That beats all, except maybe Lenny Clarke's Mace getting a hands-on exam from a gay doctor. But hey, some would consider that just luck. Thankfully, we got them both, along with a costume party that looked a lot like Frasier's Halloween bash a few seasons ago. Though I think this gathering was actually more butch.

A Minute with Stan Hooper
OK, someone at Fox has to be from Wisconsin. If not, then it's just weird that two of its better comedies — this and That '70s Show — are set in the cheese state. It's also weird that at the same time Relative's Garber came out as a straight man acting gay, this one had two dim diner owners outing themselves as marrieds. However, the weirdest thing of all was seeing Norm MacDonald not be a total jerk as a minor TV celeb hanging with a bunch of small-town rubes. And liking it.

The O.C.
My show is back! Good lord, I missed the pretty teens and all the glossy drama you can fit into a tiny California hamlet. We knew Marissa would survive the OD. She's too hot to kill off. Maybe Summer, but she's the Donna Martin to Coop's Kelly Taylor. And if Ryan is Dylan and Seth is David, where's Steve? Better yet, where's Emily Valentine? Note to McG: Get Melinda Clarke a contract already. That nasty bitch makes Joan Crawford look like a UNICEF volunteer.

Smart move, doing a Halloween episode. The Buffy spin-off was starting to lose me, with all the Sturm and Drang of Angel taking over Wolfram & Hart. Better yet, he got to get some, too! Never mind that it was under some spell Lorne accidentally triggered — and that it wasn't with Buffy herself. We just needed to see our immortal boy get his groove on. And I gotta hand it to ya, David Boreanaz, when you're not brooding, you're pretty darn amusing.

The Bachelor
How could you cut Meredith, Bob? Mary is the one freaking you out with all the talk of babies. Sure, the family visits were super sweet, and it was a tad morbid that Meredith took you to Grandma's grave, but Mary? Keep her one more week, get a few good meals into her and let her go. We all know you want Kelly Jo, anyway.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Sue me. I love Halloween. The holiday and the movies. What can I say? There's just something horrifying about someone in a William Shatner mask and gas-station garb who has his own theme song. And I can honestly say that I have seen nearly every installment in the theaters. Except for the second one, 'cause my oldest brother ditched me to hit a Pat Benatar concert. Which is just as horrifying, when you think of it.

Fashion Rocks Huh? It's a concert and a fashion show? Beyonc&#233 does her "Baby Boy" thang while models strut around in Armani. Bryan Ferry, who had a hit like, 20 years ago, croons for a Tom Ford Gucci showcase. Since Liz Hurley is one of the hosts (along with Denis Leary) and it benefits the Prince's Trust, I'm guessing it must be a British thing. Which explains the crowd of really white people dancing like they're wearing cattle-prod panties. I hope.