2003 World Gymnastics Championships...

2003 World Gymnastics Championships (a repeat)
Thanks ESPN2. I finally get to see Brazilian gymnast Daiane Dos Santos spank Romanian ass on the floor exercise (and make history for her country). Girlfriend threw two double Arabian pike fronts with the height of a man and the grace and style of a strong black woman. Go Daiane! I say, "Flip!" You say, "Flop!"

Fear Factor
Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, I can not stand host Joe Rogan. He's a condescending, instigating, little man who talks big — like he could ace half the stunts the competitors do on that show. But tonight, I had to give it to him. When it came time to eat live African cave-dwelling spiders, perky Krisandra started to cry. But Rogan talked her through it. And she pulled it together and ate three creepy crawlers. Shoot. I ain't gon' lie: I ran screaming from the room when she bit the first one. (My neighbor did not appreciate that by the way.) Note to self: You need to buddy up with a Lucas-like bug guy. Somebody who can help you get over your fear of spiders. And waterbugs. And roaches. Cause who knows when you'll need to eat one to win a sports car. OK?

Las Vegas
This is a rough week for the Montecito Resort and Casino staff. James Caan gets blackmailed, sort of; Josh Duhamel loses his best friend; Nikki Cox can't get the wave pool started for the surfing contest. Then there's the crazy knight in shining armor... The guy spends the entire episode taking method acting beyond the beyond, and all I can think is: He's kind of hot. Would a guy like that be sane enough to date? Hmmm.

CSI:Miami
Speaking of hot boys... CSI: Miami's got what I want in Adam Rodriguez. Adam in a wet suit. Adam in the lab. Adam flirting with the crooked sea junk dealer. Oh Adam, I've got a treasure you can find.

Girlfriends
Two questions: 1) Why does Toni's $9,000 "Berkin" bag look a lot like my $30 Herm&#232s knockoff? 2) Is it wrong that I'm with Lynn and Maya in thinking that Sivak's freaky continued celibacy is suspicious as a mofo? Nine months and he still hasn't unwrapped the sausage?! Come on now.

Half & Half
Last week twins tried to date Bachelor Bob. This week, Mona and Deedee compete for the same guy. Sisters knowingly dating the same guy... Can you say: "Gross male fantasy?" Also high on the upchuck scale: Anthony Montgomery, aka Enterprise's Ensign Mayweather playing their coveted boy toy. Actors from current Star Trek shows should not be guest stars on sitcoms the same season their show's on; it's... wrong.

The Wade Robson Show
Tonight I was ready to shake it fast. Hey, I even uncovered the mirror so I could watch myself. But was lil' mister ready to show me what he's working with? Just like a man... no! Damn quarter finals. In: contestant battles. Out: the final segment where Wade teaches two dancers — and, by proxy, me — a short routine. If the routines don't return by next week's semifinals, I'm going to break up with this dancing fool. For real.

The Romeo and Juliet Nextel Commercial
Saw it three times, on two networks in one night. And I'm still not sure what it's advertising. Wherefore art thou message?

The Late Show with David Letterman How freaking funny was Jack Black's Top 10 list? Thisssss — picture me holding out my arms wider than Jack Black is tall — funny! How fair was it that Jack was prank-calling shoppers in the Times Square Virgin Megastore, less than a block from where I work and no one in Letterman's camp called to tell me about it? Not fair at all. I mean, would it have killed Mr. Letterman to have one of his people call and say, "Hey, your boy Jack Black is around the corner. You might want to check that out"? No.