The following is an excerpt from the audiotape records of a meeting held at Federation Headquarters, Stardate 3815.4. KIRK: "Spock, how can we ensure that this, our sixth and final "Star Trek" feature, will be a hit?" SPOCK: "Well, captain, logic dictates we include all the ingredients which have proved popular in our earlier films. Data indicates that one crucial element is what humans call "tongue-in-cheek" humor; in-jokes about previous episodes, self-mocking references to our graying hair and thickening girths, etc." KIRK: "Good, good, I think we can manage that. But I need something more substantial, too--some lofty theme that allows me to make those little philosophical speeches that I like." SPOCK: "May I suggest a plot that parallels political events on Earth in the late 20th century? Perhaps the demise of the Soviet empire and the opening up of relations with the West? We could have the Klingons stand in for the Soviets--which everyone assumes to be the case anyway--and you could deliver some homilies on the meaning of peace, etc." KIRK: "Yes, yes, I like that, but what about bad guys? We need someone to fight." SPOCK: "Well, Jim, what if some renegade leaders tried to sabotage the peace process by assassinating the Klingon chancellor? They could even frame you for the killing, and imprison you in a mining colony. Then you could escape, track down the real culprit, and have a battle scene in which you--I believe this is the correct phrase--kick some alien butt." KIRK: "That's good, Spock, but you've left out one essential element; which aspiring starlet do I get to smooch with?" SPOCK: "Given the aging process I mentioned earlier, any such scene will probably fall into the "tongue-in-cheek humor" category. Nonetheless, a logical choice would be Iman, one of a new breed of earthlings known as "supermodels"; she looks like she's from another planet, and and we could use some of those new "morphing" special effects to add some twists to the relationship." KIRK: "That's an excellent idea, Spock. I think we have a hit on our hands." SPOCK: "All factors would seem to point in that direction, Captain."