South Beach Academy

  • 1996
  • Movie
  • R
  • Comedy, Sports

If a shark attacked the female cast of SOUTH BEACH ACADEMY, would they survive with only puncture marks to their breast implants? This is the kind of thought inspired by this girl-watchers extravaganza about beach volleyball, perfect tans, and making whoopie. Volleyball coach Harry Spencer (Keith Colouris) is trying to save his main squeeze, Shannon (Elizabeth...read more

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If a shark attacked the female cast of SOUTH BEACH ACADEMY, would they survive with only puncture marks to their breast implants? This is the kind of thought inspired by this girl-watchers extravaganza about beach volleyball, perfect tans, and making whoopie.

Volleyball coach Harry Spencer (Keith Colouris) is trying to save his main squeeze, Shannon (Elizabeth Kaitan), from Asian gangster Johnny Staccato (James Hong). The film then backtracks to reveal how Harry got into this predicament.

Unable to turn down a bet, Harry's impulsive Uncle Gene (Al Lewis) accepts Staccato's challenge to pit his nephew's volleyball team against Staccato's competitive recruits. The prize is ownership of Uncle Gene's lucrative South Beach Academy.

Frustrated in his attempts to round up a winning all-girl team, Harry is cheered by the arrival of his party dude brother, Billy (Corey Feldman). Meanwhile, Harry's new Valentine Shannon reveals Staccato wrecked her Olympic chances and framed her brother for his own fraud.

After refusing to represent Uncle Gene's sun-and-fun school, Shannon signs up her former teammates, then dashes Harry's hopes by defecting to Staccato's side. Well aware of Staccato's hold on Shannon's brother, Harry persuades her to rejoin his volleybabes in exchange for a tape-recording of

Staccato's confession of the crime for which her brother's serving time.

Harry's beach bunnies save South Beach Academy in the winner-take-all match.

What red-blooded heterosexual male would call for a lifeguard when he's drowning in breasts? That's the real question posed by SOUTH BEACH ACADEMY, which is only ostensibly about volleyball tourneys, gangster film send-ups, and the tawdry residue of WHERE THE BOYS ARE (1960).

The movie is actually about breast fixation. How else does one account for the numerous bikini fantasy scenes, or all those camera angles aimed ever upward and bra-ward for maximum jiggle? Full of dorky repartee, off-color smarminess, and beer blast Muzak, the film is acted by Olympic hopefuls who

seem to have just failed a steroid abuse test. Although one isn't surprised to spot Corey Feldman cavorting in these sordid surroundings, it's jarring to observe the former Grandpa Munster up to his fangs in bouncing protuberances. Al Lewis brings shame to his Bermuda shorts. (Extensive nudity,profanity, sexual situations, substance abuse.)

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  • Released: 1996
  • Rating: R
  • Review: If a shark attacked the female cast of SOUTH BEACH ACADEMY, would they survive with only puncture marks to their breast implants? This is the kind of thought inspired by this girl-watchers extravaganza about beach volleyball, perfect tans, and making whoo… (more)

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