The following is an exclusive interview granted to the Virgin Film Guide by the real-life Topper Harley, the reclusive, "Rambo"-style commando played by Charlie Sheen in HOT SHOTS! PART DEUX. VFG: Topper, how does it feel to be portrayed as a figure of ridicule in a movie that spoofs everything from RAMBO through BASIC INSTINCT, APOCALYPSE NOW, LADY AND THE TRAMP, "American Gladiators" and the Energizer bunny? TH: What do you mean? I didn't catch any of those references. VFG: You must be joking! TH: No--if I were joking, I would say "A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him, `Why the long face?'" VFG: This is a highly patriotic film in which you rescue a bunch of American hostages from one of Saddam Hussein's prison camps. How do you feel, though, about the way the US President (Lloyd Bridges) is played? I mean, if he's not throwing up in the Japanese President's lap during dinner, he's listing all the body parts he's had replaced because of war wounds. He claims to have the tongue of a Bassett Hound, for instance? TH: Yeah, but at the end, he gets into hand-to-hand combat with Saddam, and he kicks the guy's butt! I love that part. VFG: For me, one of the funniest lines comes when you're reunited with your old love, Ramada (Valeria Golino), and you say, "I never forgot you; your face was always on the tip of my tongue." How did you say that without laughing? TH: It's not a funny line. It's beautiful. VFG: You must be joking! VFG: No--if I were joking, I would say "A priest, a rabbi and a minister go into a bar ... "