Of course they don't make 'em like they used to, and why should they? Disney has the technology, so they've dropped the quirky charm and rebuilt their 1961 live-action chestnut THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR as a surprisingly violent, crowd-pleasing hurricane of digital effects. Robin Williams stars as the hopelessly forgetful Professor Brainard, resident chemistry savant at a small, financially troubled college. On his wedding day, while teary fiancee Sara (Marcia Gay Harden) waits at the altar, Brainard hits upon the formula for an extremely ductile, animated compound that responds to the slightest stimulus with an enormous release of energy. It's flying rubber -- flubber, for short -- and not only is it incredibly bouncy, it can mambo fit to beat the band. Brainard immediately realizes the possibilities -- trust us, they're endless -- and puts his discovery to work saving the college and his relationship with Sara, who's being wooed by bad egghead Wilson Croft (Christopher McDonald). Not content with just one villain, this overstuffed turkey of a plot offers up three more -- an evil flubber-stealing magnate (Raymond Barry) and his two goons (Clancy Brown and Ted Levine). Too bad the film isn't nearly as elastic as the miraculous green goo: It can barely contain all the flubber-induced chaos and still make sense, but the filmmakers don't quit till they've run out of funny things for flubber to do. And when it finally comes flying out of a bad guy's rectum, blowing a hole in the seat of his pants, it's definitely time to call it a night.