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Date Movie Reviews

The choice is yours: Shell out 10 bucks for this dire spoof of recent romantic comedies a la SCARY MOVIE and NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE, or toss your 12-year-old nephew a quarter and get him to act out scenes from his favorite movies for 80 minutes: The entertainment value will be about the same. The main inspiration — the term "inspiration" being used here in the loosest possible sense — is MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. Morbidly obese Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan, trapped in a lumpy fat suit) may weigh 389 pounds, but he clings to the belief that she'll one day meet and marry Mr. Right, even if her appearance seems to make most men nauseous. Julia also holds fast to her dream of one day quitting her job waiting tables at her parents' Greek diner, applying to Harvard Pastry School and becoming a dessert chef. But as far as her strict father is concerned — he's played by Eddie Griffin, who's black, a fact which is apparently supposed to be funny; Julia's mother, played by Meera Simhan, is South Asian — Julia will work at his diner until the day she dies. If she marries at all, her husband will have to be ethnically compatible with her Greek-Indian-Japanese-Jewish family. Instead, Julia falls in love with white, English-born Dr. Grant Fonckyerdoder (Adam Campbell) — go ahead, say it aloud and laugh if you must — when she serves him coffee at the diner, then immediately hightails it to date-doctor Hitch (Tony Cox) for romance tips. Disgusted by what he sees, he takes Julia to West Side Collision for a full-body makeover, and after a back wax and a few rounds of industrial liposuction, out pops a svelte and very sexy Julia. Within days, the wedding is on. Before Julia and Grant tie the knot, they replay scenes from PRETTY WOMAN, THE WEDDING PLANNER, MEET THE PARENTS and MEET THE FOCKERS (Fred Willard and poor Jennifer Coolidge star as the Fonckyerdoders), ALONG CAME POLLY and countless others. Nothing is actually ever satirized, just referenced, and some sequences are so badly executed they're completely incomprehensible. The only reprieve is the few booty-shakers on the soundtrack; after a while even Player's "Baby Come Back" begins to sound good. You might try passing the time by naming that allusion, but they're all so obvious that enumerating them is as tedious as the movie itself.