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See the scenes that turn our stomach instead of turning us on

Shaun Harrison
unsexy-good-wife1.jpg
1 of 12 CBS

unsexy-good-wife1

Warning: The following gallery contains images and descriptions of an adult nature. What follows is also extremely unsexy. Click ahead at your own risk. The Good Wife The Good Wife knows how to do a sex scene, but the envelope-pushing drama left viewers ice-cold when Kalinda's estranged husband Nick skipped straight to dessert by putting his hand up Kalinda's skirt in a busy ice cream parlor. After Kalinda insults Nick's handiwork, he spitefully shoves his dirty fingers in her cone. No seconds for us, thanks. Want more? Check out more stomach-turning sex scenes here, here, here and
2 of 12 Showtime

Homeland

Given Brody's history, we weren't surprised at the intensity of this quick and dirty gruntfest at a CIA safehouse. But the disturbingly kinky part? Carrie's extra-vocal enjoyment, even though she knows the entire thing is likely being overheard and recorded by her colleagues. Yes, Saul, we feel your pain.
3 of 12 Fox

The Mindy Project

Mindy's plans to hook up with midwife Brendan are derailed at every turn. First, her ardor is literally doused when she is trapped in his creepy, HAL-like, automated shower fully clothed. Although she recoups, the mood is completely killed when Nurse Morgan shows up unannounced with pizza and later has a raging asthma attack. We're pretty sure that's not the kind of heavy breathing she had in mind.
4 of 12 AMC

Mad Men

Don Draper never leaves well enough alone. After escaping a season-long affair with his neighbor Sylvia without getting caught, Don reunites with her for one last round of sweaty afternoon delight. One problem: The coitus is interrupted when the lovers are discovered by Don's oh-so-innocent daughter Sally. And you thought Sally needed therapy before!
5 of 12 HBO

Game of Thrones

If it seems too good to be true in Westeros, it's actually... horrific! Poor Theon Greyjoy wakes from his torture-induced stupor in a dungeon, where he's fawned over by two lovely vixens who promptly disrobe and writhe on him. The randy fool manages to rise to the occasion only to realize his torturer, with the aid of a knife, has other, less-than-pleasurable plans for Theon's little soldier. Ouch!
6 of 12 HBO

Game of Thrones

George R.R. Martin is no friend to the male anatomy. After Gendry is wined and dined, he's primed to respond to Melisandre's advances, even if it does involve a bit of kinky bondage. But, hey, are those ... leeches!? You want to put them where?!? Talk about sucking the fun out of an evening!
7 of 12 NBC

Grimm

Juliette and Renard's unfortunate reaction to a potion (damn Hexenbiest recipes!) makes it difficult to keep their hands off each other — but the signals for "kiss" and "kill" get mixed up! What starts as a makeout session devolves into slapping, pistol-whipping, and mass destruction of lamps and moderately tasteful decor. And then there are the bullet holes. Hope that won't be taken out of their deposit!
8 of 12 HBO

Girls

Seemingly fearful of being in a "normal" relationship, Adam forces new flame Natalia to crawl on all fours to his bedroom, where he engages in rough sex that clearly makes her uncomfortable. He then, ahem, finishes on her chest, perhaps trying to scare her away for good. Sure would have worked on us!
9 of 12 Netflix

Orange Is the New Black

While there's probably no such thing as good prison sex, Daya's broom-closet tryst with Pornstache is especially vile. Although she's trying to frame Pornstache for rape to protect herself, John and their unborn baby, the look on Pornstache's face proves he's a little too into it. Worse? She has to do it all over again once she realizes he wore a condom. We're still shuddering.
10 of 12 HBO

Boardwalk Empire

What's worse than being caught in the middle of a romp by your partner's significant other? Being forced to continue performing at gunpoint while said significant other stuffs his other hand down his pants. The pervert probably deserved the fatal bloody beating he later received at Dunn Purnsley's hands.
11 of 12 Netflix

House of Cards

Claire Underwood's cold and manipulative ways reach a new level during this weird, sordid power play with her longtime friend and employee Steve. After his deathbed confession that he's always been in love with Claire and hates her husband Frank, she cruelly recounts Frank's proposal in great detail while reaching under Steve's hospital gown to give him a good ol' fashioned rub-and-tug. His look of horror matches our own.
12 of 12 BBC America

Orphan Black

Sarah Manning has some stones, we'll give her that. Having sex with a stranger is iffy enough, but when that stranger is the boyfriend of the dead woman you're pretending to be, that brings it to all new levels of ick. Plus: Bare bottoms on the kitchen prep table? Unsanitary!