Sometimes, as we shift sleeplessly in our beds, we find our thoughts filled with anxiety about whether Bret Michaels will ever find true love. And then we turn this on and remember he doesn't care.

Megan Hauserman's conniving has brightened many a VH1 reality show, but she's never shined brighter than when it was all about a check.

The dumbest idea for a show ever! It's just people trying to fit through a... whoa, no way that guy's gonna make it. Wha — how did he do that? This show is GENIUS!

That flash-forward thing was a straight rip-off of Lost, and the show revels in its soap operaishness, but you know what? These ladies are cool. And we'll watch anything with Dana Delaney.

Sharon Osbourne brings a surprising compassion to the brave mission of helping several... just kidding. We watch for the school uniforms.

You want to pull these women aside and explain that nothing comes from crass consumerism, except that one thing does: entertaining TV.

Remember when this felt like some high-falutin' social experiment? Yeah, now it's just people yelling.

Like Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis, Zoe makes us stare at the screen, dumbfounded about how anyone could act that way. Until we realize she's kind of right.

The title pretty much explains it all, doesn't it? The top-notch actors make us feel not-that-guilty about this one.

A show that makes David Duchovny's real life look boring.

Look, we get that, objectively, maybe this show isn't that good. But it's sweet. It makes us nostalgic for the old days, and we like the new kids too. We think it's cool how they hang out with their parents and actually care what they think. And the clothes are awesome.

Us: So I hear you've been watching The Hills without us. Someone Else: From who? Us: I dunno, people. Someone Else: Um... I'm not having this conversation. Us: I just miss our friendship, that's all. Someone Else: Fine. Us: Fine. (Conversation ends with both parties staring at each other with mouths slightly ajar.)