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From the moving to the hilarious, check out all the night's best moments

1 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Worst TelePrompTer Fail

If you don’t succeed, try again. After Paul Rudd, sadly, bombs with a semi-predictable joke about how agents are drunks, liars and thieves, he and Salma Hayek get laughs, albeit accidentally, when they stand on the stage for two long awkward pauses when the TelePrompTer fails. They eventually realize they are still on stage so they can present Best TV Drama to Homeland, but, as we learned from their first, more-rehearsed speech, sometimes no TelePrompTer is better than a TelePrompTer.
2 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Best Unsung Heroes Acknowledgement

Argo, about the undercover rescue of six American diplomats during the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, wins for Best Motion Picture Drama, and producer Grant Heslov makes a pointed effort to recognize those whose job it is to stay hidden. "A thank you to clandestine services, who don't always get the credit that they deserve, but they do a lot of great work." We second that.
3 of 18 Jim Ruymen/UPI/Landov

Wife of the Year Award

What do you do when you're Ben Affleck and forget to thank two of the people who contributed to your Best Director for Argo win? Why, get your wife to smooth things over! When it's Jennifer Garner's turn to present, she takes a moment to offer a belated "thank you" to the film's producers Grant Heslov and George Clooney.
4 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC, Landov

Cheekiest Acceptance Speech

Back in 2000, Hilary Swank may have forgotten to thank then-husband Chad Lowe in her Oscar acceptance speech for Boys Don't Cry, but Girls creator, star and producer Lena Dunham doesn't, even if it is in jest. "I also promised myself if I ever got this chance, I would thank Chad Lowe," she said, while accepting for Best TV Comedy or Musical. "I'm sorry, I just promised and I promised my mom."
5 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Most Unintelligible Smackdown

Introducing the foreign language film category, Arnold Schwarzenegger teases Sylvester Stallone for also having an accent. Outraged, the native New Yorker responds, "I can't be as bad as you! You're horrible... you've been here how long? It's embarrassing really." Got that, Adrian?
6 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Worst Joke That No One's In On

When Les Miserables co-star Sacha Baron Cohen takes the stage to present footage for the film, he does so with a snifter of brandy in hand and a snooty foreign accent. Less surprising is when he starts ripping his own "junior co-stars," like pointing out the four months of singing lessons Russell Crowe received ("money well spent") or Anne Hathaway's accidental up-skirt reveal last month, which Cohen referred to as "pulling back the curtains of Hollywood." Cohen knows he's not in competition with his cast, right?
7 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC, NBC

Most Retro Shout-Out

Two early wins for HBO's Game Change, about Sarah Palin's vice-presidential run in 2008, allow star Julianne Moore and director Jay Roach to give props to Tina Fey for her notorious Palin impressions on SNL. Roach quips, "Now with [Moore], and Tina Fey, we have three of the most incredible impersonations of Sarah Palin, including Sarah Palin." Do people still prefer Fey's Palin to the real thing? You betcha!
8 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Most Passive-Aggressive Stage Banter

Before presenting the award for Best TV Show Musical or Comedy to Girls, Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno engage in a little back-and-forth about different paths television careers can take. Fallon advocates branching out into different areas, while Leno recommends sticking with the same thing year after year. "Or it could give them the little push they need to move on and give someone else a chance at the spotlight," Fallon says pointedly while eyeing his co-presenter. Replies Leno, "Or maybe there's a chance in hell that's never going to happen." See, Conan O'Brien really is in a better place.
9 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Best Flying Nun Shout-Out

Like any gracious winner, Anne Hathaway gives her due to the other nominees when awarded the Globe for Best Supporting Actress in a Movie. However, she gives an extra special shout-out to Sally Field for avoiding being typecast, particularly for showing that someone who got her big break as The Flying Nun could grow up to be Norma Rae.
10 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Most Presidential Cameo

President Clinton makes a special appearance (and receives a standing ovation) at the Globes to introduce Lincoln, one of the nominees for Best Motion Picture Drama. Discussing the film's depiction of the difficulties Lincoln faced trying to pass a bill ending slavery amid pushback from Congress, the former president quipped, "That's something I know nothing about." Says a breathless Poehler afterwards: "That was Hillary Clinton's husband! Oh my God. That was exciting."
11 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Strangest Stand-Up

Usually the introduction of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association president is a mere formality, but Dr. Aida Takla-O'Reilly uses her stage time to maximum effect by trotting out one-liners with bizarre success. In her short bit, she references her old job at Delta Twilight, disses filmmaker Jeffrey Katzenberg and then tells Bradley Cooper to "Call Me Maybe." Thank you. Tip your waitstaff!
12 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Brattiest Sister

Silver Linings Playbook star Jennifer Lawrence endears the audience with her Best Actress in a Movie (Comedy or Musical) acceptance speech that kicks off with her looking at the award and joking, "What does it say? I beat Meryl [Streep]!" But the hits keep coming. To producer Harvey Weinstein, she says, "Harvey, thanks for killing whoever you needed to kill to get me up here today." In conclusion, she thanks her family. "And I want to thank my brothers ... I wouldn't be who I am today without you being mean to me, but then really supportive and loving." Oh brother(s)!
13 of 18 Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Twisting the Knife Award

When Lena Dunham wins for Best Actress in a Comedy, she thanks fellow nominees Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Zooey Deschanel for getting her through "middle school, mono, a ruptured eardrum and the acute, floating anxiety that populates my entire life." Fey and Poehler respond to the loss by drinking heavily on stage. "Middle school, Lena?" Fey slurs.
14 of 18 Mario Anzuoni/Reuters/Landov, Paul Drinkwater/NBC

Most Unsolicited Dating Advice

Tina Fey's fake inebriation continues when she cautions songstress and serial dater Taylor Swift to stay away from Michael J. Fox's son, who is this year's dashing Mr. Golden Globe. "She needs some time to learn about herself," Fey explains.
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Most Dog-Gone Nominees

After hitting all the right notes in their monologue, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey show they're willing to go above and beyond the call of duty early and often when a surprise sixth nominee sneaks in to two categories at the last minute. "As a psychic who solves her own murder, Darcy St. Fudge in Dog President." Cut to Poehler in a red wig and fake buck teeth as a nominee for Best Actress in a TV Miniseries or Movie. Then, during the Best Actor in a TV Miniseries or Movie category, cut to Tina Fey with glasses, mustache and messy short-haired wig as Damian Francisco who plays "a professional volleyball player battling restless leg syndrome" in ... Dog President." Dog President?! How do we go to there?
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Fakest Awards Presentation

Saturday Night Live alums Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell take the stage to present Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical and offer hilariously improvised, erroneous synopses of each of the films, which they insist they watched. These include a description of Meryl Streep as tough Southern sheriff Hope Springs and an analysis of up-and-coming actress Judi Dench. We nominate Wiig and Ferrell to take over hosting duties if Fey and Poehler opt not to return!
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Best Icebreaker

Your move, Seth MacFarlane. Co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler get the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards off to a side-splitting start, offering sharp witticisms without crossing over into Ricky Gervais' mean territory. The best line of their opening monologue? Poehler's quip about Zero Dark Thirty director (and Globe nominee) Kathryn Bigelow: "When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron."
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Most Puzzling Speech

Robert Downey Jr.'s presentation of this year's Cecil B. DeMille Award to Jodie Foster is bizarre enough — it includes Mel Gibson handing her a bunch of hamster stuffed animals tied together on a silver platter — but then Foster herself takes the stage and one-ups him. After much tongue-in-cheek buildup, Foster openly addresses her sexuality, acknowledging that she "came out" years ago and makes an impassioned plea for fans and the media to allow celebrities their privacy. The camera pans to show several audience members with tears in their eyes, but we're partly left scratching our heads.