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Amy Schumer's Most Controversial But Hilarious Quotes

The standup comic and star of Trainwreck never holds back

Glenn Gaslin
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On drinking

"Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'" - Comedy Central Presents, 2010

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On body image

"Some guys, they wanna sleep with a girl that's, like, a skeleton wrapped in plastic. That's fine if that's what you want. But I'm gonna keep eating and showering infrequently." - Inside Amy Schumer, 2013

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On your circle of friends

"You know, in every group of girlfriends, there's always one who's the sluttiest. And if you don't have that friend, guess what: You are that friend." - Glamour, 2013

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On old friends

"Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?" - Comedy Central Presents, 2010

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On gender discrimination

"I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say, 'He's a thinker.'" - Esquire, 2015

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On lady parts

"It's work having a vagina. Guys don't think that it's work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first quinceanera, believe me." - Comedy Central, 2012

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On social media

"I want to throw my hands in the air after reading a mean Twitter comment and say, 'All right! You got it. You figured me out. I'm not pretty. I'm not thin. I do not deserve to use my voice ... All my self-worth is based on what you can see.' But then I think, f--- that." - Gloria Awards and Gala, 2014

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On seduction

"I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable like, 'I have an apartment.'" - standup show, 2012

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On romance

"I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my God, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'" - Live at Gotham, 2010

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On foreigners

"I don't think that's a cute accent on dudes - the French accent. It makes my vagina shut like a steel trap. I mean, thank God I've got that other hole." - Cutting, 2011

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On disappointment

"We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear." - Live at Gotham, 2010