On this week's True Blood, Godric intervenes in much-teased vampire-human confrontations that go down at the Fellowship of the Sun, and then, at the vampire nest in Dallas. Hoyt and Jessica continue their unique courtship. Sam is wrongly accused of killing Daphne, and Maryann cooks up a "hunter's soufflé" for Eggs and Tara. Interestingly, all but the first development were sufficiently bloody.
[Sorry for the delay, folks – just back from L.A. and catching up on TiVo.]
I know a lot of you thought the Fellowship's story dragged a bit, but this week's episode made me think that this final confrontation came too quickly, and was ultimately anticlimactic. Because the church was painted with such a broad brush of caricature, its ultimate downfall didn't really resonate with me.
JASON and SARAH
That's it? I'm not sure why, but I had high hopes that Jason would charm Sarah with his toothy ignorance and rescue her from her life of buttery evangelism. Instead, Sarah shoots him – with a paint gun. The hell? Why did she do that? Did she think it was a real gun? Did she just want to scare him? It's never fully explained, but it's clear that Sarah is a woman scorned, betrayed by what she sees as Jason's undercover-vampire-sympathizer routine. "You Stackhouses, you're nothing but heartless, two-faced vampire f---ers," she says, like a petulant child. So, no happy ending for these golden children. Boo.
AT THE HOTEL
Don't eat the messenger, Lorena! Bill saves Barry from Lorena's fangs and drops a plasma TV on her, facilitating his escape. He then has another awesome paternal moment: He walks in on Jessica and Hoyt having sex ("those were screams of pleasure," Hoyt stammers), but there's no time for vampire birds-and-bees talks, as Hoyt has to drive Jessica back to Bon Temps before sunrise. And Bill's off to save Sookie!
ERIC and GODRIC
Eric arrives to save Godric (what the heck is that accent?), but oddly, he doesn't seem to want to leave. "I'm here, my child," the teenage Godric says, in a perverse demonstration of the maker relationship. But Godric sends Eric and Sookie away, and instructs Eric to spill no blood on the way out.
There's a nice moment here where the ever-inquisitive Sookie wants to know more about Eric's relationship with his maker. "Don't use words you know nothing about," he tells her. When Sookie says that he loves Godric, he says, "Don't use words I know nothing about." Heh. And then it's like "Bill who?" because the two of them make sexy-eyes at each other as they plan their escape. "Trust me," Eric says, as tingly ladies everywhere imagine the fan-fic they're going to write the second this episode ends.
Eric and Sookie are cornered in the sanctuary by Rev. Newlin and His Merry Zealots, who decide that Eric will make a fine last-minute substitution for Godric for their "holy bonfire at dawn." He's strapped down to the altar with some silver, and just as things are about to get interesting...
Bill barges in to save Sookie, and just as he's about to be fitted with his own shiny new silver accessories...
Jason appears, doing his best Rambo impression, pistol-whipping a minion (with a paint gun!) and making his way into the sanctuary. There's a really funny, military-style score here, and you can tell that Alan Ball is having some fun with Jason's character. Jason paint-balls the Rev, leaving him with a comical green inkblot in the middle of his forehead. But just as Jason is about to save the day...
Stan and a hilariously ruffian bunch of Dallas' cowboy vampires show up. But then just as the feasting is about to begin...
Godric materializes on the altar, dressed all in white, in a not-so-subtle Jesus reference. (He even mentions that he's older than the Big Guy, but never met him. Heh.) Godric's message is, oddly, one of tolerance. He encourages the two groups to co-exist peacefully, to refrain from violence. "Good people, who of you are willing to die for this man's madness?" he says Biblically. The sheepish masses disband, and order is restored.
But before we go, the Rev. attempts to sway and/or curse Jason by telling him he'll never go to heaven if he allies himself with the vampires. "I reckon I've already been to heaven; I've been inside your wife," he says. Zing!
Sam's on the run from Maryann after his narrow escape from her Friday-night orgy/sacrifice shindig. Asleep in his truck with a gun at his side, he gets a call from Merlotte's, but it's a hang-up. He heads back to the bar to investigate, just in time to see a dead Daphne in the walk-in freezer with her heart carved out. He starts packing her in garbage bags, lest he be implicated in the crime, stops and decides to call the cops.
But no matter! Someone has saved him the trouble, as they've received an anonymous tip and are just outside. As Kenya and Bud question Sam about his relationship with Daphne, my new favorite character Andy Bellefleur arrives (he still has his police radio) to proclaim Sam's innocence. As character witnesses go, Andy is looking a little rough around the edges, reliability-wise, as he's just come from the orgy he witnessed. Who does he think committed the murder? "A bull... with claws... in a dress... with claws..." he slurs, and Kenya and Bud share an eye-roll and cart Sam's ass off to jail. There, he finds the orgy participants, who have all been arrested in various states of undress, Mike for "sodomy of a pine tree." Poor Mike, he has scratches all over his pecker!
TARA, EGGS, LAFAYETTE and MARYANN
Not enough screen time for Lafayette this week, but his Flashdance-style sweatshirt with metallic letters spelling "Bitch" gets two snaps up in a circle. Laf reads Tara's tarots (say that 10 times fast), and he's not happy with the results: The Lover and then Justice.
As if on cue, Eggs arrives and is concerned that he's blacking out again. Tara takes him back to Sookie's, where Maryann has busied herself sauteéing slices of Daphne's heart with a nice mirepoix, deglazing the pan with some cooking sherry. (Too much Food Network for me these days.)
Tara and Eggs sit down to try to figure out why everyone is losing time, but Maryann distracts them with the fruits (organs?) of her labor: a "hunter's soufflé," which bleeds as Tara cuts into it. Nice image. Maryann lies and says it's rabbit, so Tara and Eggs dig in heartily. It kind of gives them the giggles, and in short order we see what Michelle Forbes was talking about when she told me that, to Maryann, tenderness and violence are the same. "I hate your guts," Tara tells Eggs, and punches him. Then commences something akin to Ike and Tina Turner role play, except instead of Buddhist chants being the way out of violence, Tara and Eggs, with those enlarged, blacked-out pupils, start scrumping in the foyer, to Maryann's delight.
HOYT and JESSICA
In other scrumping news, Hoyt and Jessica, back at Compton Manor, are getting BIZ-AY. Now that they've gotten the mechanics of first-time sex out of the way, they commence making sweet, sweet vampire love. But there's a catch (bad choice of words), and I'll try to put this as delicately as I can. Since vampires have the ability to heal, as Jessica puts it, "it grew back." (For more information about what it is, please consult the grown-up or health professional or trusted clergyperson of your choosing.) Poor Jessica – her vampire curse includes the sad news that she will be a virgin forever. "Every time it'll be like our first time," offers the sweet Hoyt. "It'll hurt like hell," the not-sweet Jessica counters.
BACK IN DALLAS
The Dallas vampire nest, which looks not dissimilar to Palm Springs circa-1978 (I half-expect Burt Reynolds and Adrienne Barbeau to pull up in a Trans Am and matching silk scarves). Godric is holding court in very mod seating, and various figures are shuffling through a receiving line of sorts.
First up, Stan apologizes for being the bloodthirsty rhinestone cowboy that he is. Then Jason and Godric have a moment in which they thank each other for their efforts at the Fellowship of the Sun. Then Godric pardons Hugo for his betrayal, but banishes him from his territory instead of killing him, because Isabel admits that she still loves him.
Have I mentioned how much I like these two (maybe three) storylines finally merging? It was great to see Eric, Bill, Sookie, Jason and the Newlins sharing scenes. My one critique: No Pam! You know she would have rocked an outfit for this little get-together.
But before they all join hands and start singing "We Are the World," Eric pulls Jason aside to tell him that he knows he used to be a V addict, but says maybe now they're even. This prompts Jason to pull Bill aside to tell him... what exactly? That he's OK with his sister dating him? To say it's awkward is to undersell it, particularly as the scene ends with Jason throwing his arms around Bill and asking, "Is this OK?" "It's fine," Bill growls.
What the eff is Sookie wearing? I know she probably borrowed it, but her sexy white trench-coat dress is certainly a step up from the bandanna dress. Bill tells Sookie that he was held captive by Lorena, his maker. As if on cue, she slinks into the party wearing one of those red dresses (pay attention, Sookie). She confronts Sookie – "you're no more than a bloodbag," which is vampire for "bitch, please" – and Bill is all like: "Now ladies, let's not get out of hand," but his impotence in the situation is palpable.
Apparently, Godric is one male who doesn't like a good catfight, because he breaks it up and banishes Lorena from his territory as well. Bill walks her out as she cries blood and wonders how she became the person she is. She asks hopefully when they'll see each other again. Bill's terse reply: "Never."
Godric and Eric speak privately, as Eric has arranged a rare, AB-negative human on which he can feed. But Godric has switched spiritual role models and has now become Gandhi-with-fangs, insisting he's not hungry. His confrontation with Lorena has put a finer point on what he was trying to say earlier at the church. "Let's be honest; we are frightening," he says, claiming that after thousands of years of evolution, vampires have just become more brutal, more predatory. "I could have killed every last one of them within minutes, but then what would that have proved?" he asks. The foreshadowing question hangs in the air significantly as a mysterious stranger makes his way into the party.
It's the Lukeanator, a particularly apt nickname since he has a silver-laced dirty bomb strapped to his chest. Topical! Just as he presses the bomb's ignition, the episode fades to black and Beck's infectious "Timebomb" kicks it (watch this fan-created music video of the song for two minutes and 51 seconds of unadulterated joy – plus: hamsters!).
So what did you think of "Timebomb"? Are you still wondering what Maryann's endgame is? Assuming that Luke doesn't wipe out the entire cast, are you eager to see how the Dallas storyline ties back into what's going on back in Bon Temps? Did Jessica's "forever a virgin" predicament give you high school flashbacks? What's your favorite kind of role play? And please share your recipe for human heart in the comments section below.
Watch clips of True Blood in our Online Video Guide and follow TVGuide.com on Twitter for more breaking news and scoop