Six, Lies and Videotape
Season 2, Episode 13
Oct 19, 2005
Captain's Log - Six is one, Haffa Dozen is her Mother: When you live life the way I do - out on the edge, stickin' it to the man ... no, strike that. "Stickin' it to the man" is more of a Gus thing. What I'm saying is, when you're a rugged renegade like me, sooner or later you're gonna wind up in a high-speed police chase. Personally, I don't even think twice anymore when I see the flashing lights in the rearview. But this time, the cops arrested Six and dumped her in jail for armed robbery. Apparently, security cameras showed her stealing dilithium crystals from a crapload of ships across the galaxy. I didn't know what pissed me off more: that Six hadn't shared the dough from her secret criminal escapades with me, or that some cop had cuffed my sex cyborg - that's my thing!
Chode's Near-Death Experience
Season 2, Episode 12
Oct 12, 2005
Captain's Log, half-past dead and cruisin' on borrowed time...Having just pulled off one of my patented pranks against Darph Bobo, I was kicking back with some fast food when I suddenly choked on my burger. The next thing I knew, I was in the afterlife, drifting along a freaky white hallway with the taste of processed meat still in my throat. Then I spotted my horny ol' nemesis, The Devil, lounging around waiting for me. The Infernal Lord of Night whipped out his DVD collection and played me a sucky bonus feature about how great my crew's lives would have been if they'd never met me. Then, as he was about to dump me into Hell just for ruining a few dorky, pathetic lives, I felt my life returning. Someone back in the real world was giving me mouth-to-mouth!
Season 2, Episode 11
Oct 5, 2005
Captain's Log: Flyin' high again - and hoping I don't have to take a piss-test when those space-cops catch up to us ... proving just how jack-booted and thuggish the Confederation really is, Commander Adam's wife, Nancy, recently had me arrested like a cheap pimp just so I could do her a favor. Her hookwormy hubby had crash-landed on Vitalius IV, home of the galaxy's most infamous monsters. Nancy's big solution to this minor crisis was to dump an earwig in my ear that would eat my brain in 24 hours if she didn't remove it - and she was the only one who could. In other words, if I wanted to live, I had to rescue Adam. Convincing my crew to help me burned up an insultingly large chunk of my incredibly shrinking life-span, but we finally landed on Vitalius IV. There, the crew distracted the critters while I scanned for Commander Adam's life-signal.
Chode and Bob's High School Reunion
Season 2, Episode 10
Sep 28, 2005
Captain's Log, five cards short of a full deck - With my high-school reunion coming up, I needed to look swankier than ever, so I got busy with my do-it-yourself liposuction kit. As the coolest kid in school, my former classmates had depended on me, right up until graduation, for every nanosecond of happiness, humor or hot backseat sex they had ever had. I wasn't going to betray that sacred trust now. By the time I stepped into the limopod with Six on my arm and T'Nuk crammed in the trunk, I was a lean, mean, spitballing machine once again. At the party, I was working my usual mojo when Darph Bobo pranced in, pretending he was a hipster evil mastermind instead of the cosmically dorky blob of nerd-flesh he'd been back in the day. People even pretended to be impressed until my first prank of the night landed him on his ass with a punch bowl on his head.