[Editor's Note: Sorry for the delay, B-ette fans. We are so grounded when Tim gets back from the Staples Center.]
Hi, and welcome back to The Bachelorette recap. Tim is en route to Michael Jackson's memorial, so I (Fiancee) will be reviewing tonight's episode solo. This week, Jillian drinks more wine, questions the chemistry she has with each guy and impresses me with her snazzy wardrobe. And Kiptyn wears tight pants.
Goodbye Tim, it's Ladies Night!
As such, I will be joined sporadically via text by my good friend Carrie, who is a loyal viewer and fellow Reid lover.
We start with Kip. As he struts towards Jillian in the delightful streets of Madrid, she wonders if he is out of her league. I yell at the TV: Yes! Kip and Jillian embrace, stroll through a park, and take a rest near a really big statue.
Jillian: I feel like a princess.
Kip confesses that he didn't have any expectations in the beginning, but he has developed real feelings for Jillian. Despite that, he tells her that "a proposal seems far off at this point in time."
Jillian no longer feels like a princess. She confesses that she is here to get engaged. But as she gazes into Kip's eyes, she concedes that she has to be realistic: No rock may not be a deal-breaker.
They leave the shadow of the big statue and head to a flamenco bar to take a dance lesson. The flamenco dancer is hotter than Jillian. She notices. So does Kip. He then changes into traditional flamenco garb.
Jillian: Tight black pants, a red satin sash and a short black blazer.
Carrie (via text): The outfit is hot, but he needs some help on the moves.
Me (to my bowl of chocolate pudding): I'll help him.
Jillian: Our dancing was a little rusty, but we had the energy
Carrie and I respectfully disagree. On to the next phase of the date.
Jillian: I hope tonight we can get to a whole other level.
She proves this sentiment by suggesting they go on a scooter ride. A few uneventful minutes later, they head to dinner. They eat snails. Jillian drinks wine. The booze spurs her to tell him what no guy ever wants to hear: Kip reminds Jillian of her of his dad. Right on cue, the waiter brings what we've all been waiting for...
Yay! The fantasy suite card!
Jill hems and haws and then rejects the card's implication and requests cuddles instead.
Carrie (via text): Loved how after she had a couple glasses of wine she wanted to change her mind about staying over with Kippers.
Me (to my apple pie a la mode): Can you blame her?
Next up is Reid. She shrieks like a Yorkie when she sees him. So do I.
Another friend of mine, Jessica, texts me unprompted: Reid is so cute!
They go shopping and pick up bread, wine and cheese to take on a picnic. Their collective Spanish is about as good as Tim's, which is why he's never taken me to Spain. Or so he tells me.
Jill: I felt like Reid was my boyfriend.
Me, Carrie and Jessica (subconsciously): I feel like Reid is my boyfriend.
They go to dinner, where Reid tries to open up emotionally. Jillian drinks more wine and pries for more specifics about how Reid feels. She says she's not a needy girl, but her behavior suggests otherwise.
Jillian: You know how you needed someone to light a fire under your butt? I'm doing it.
Reid: Yes, you are... you're doing a good job too.
She stares at him like a drunk, wild-eyed koala bear as he feeds her the compliments she's desperate to hear.
Yay! The fantasy suite card arrives.
To my chagrin, she also turns down Reid saying she doesn't want to confuse her real feelings with those the horizontal flamenco sometimes inaccurately capture.
Reid makes a last-ditch effort.
Reid: I have my room key in my pocket.
She sends him on his way, but confesses, "I love who I am when I am with Reid."
Aw-Shucks Ed is next. Jillian greets him in an elaborate garden in Seville. Ed vows to just "go for it" on this date to make up for lost time. They take a carriage ride. Tim's never taken me on a carriage ride.
They stop for a snack and sangria and she asks what it would have been like if she'd met his family. He says he thinks she would have fit right in.
Ed: I think everyone would have liked you a lot.... and then I would have taken you karaoke-ing.
Jill: Really? I'm so glad.
Score one for Ed.
They drink more sangria and have a make-out session in a courtyard In Seville. Then they hop in a fountain and have another make-out session. Ed gets a little touchy-feely. Three dudes on bikes and three elderly individuals watch. So do I.
Jill: I need to get our quantity of kisses back up to par.
I stop watching.
They eat dinner and talk about Ed needing to open up, as Ed stares blankly at the waiters who are inexplicably dressed like George Washington. They agree that they both love and want kids.
Ed: Who wouldn't want another little me?
Yay! Fantasy suite card.
Of course, Jillian says "no, gracias." She's trying to establish herself as a gal with moral fortitude. She decides to use the time to just talk and get to know him.
Jillian: We're sleeping in our clothes.
The next morning, Wes gets his turn to try to make use of the fantasy suite. He meets Jillian in beautiful Barcelona. As he approaches her, he delivers the best line of the season (which he will trump before the night is out):
Wes: I'm fired up. I've never been to Barcelona. I don't know much about the music scene in Barcelona, but I had a song on my second album — it was actually number one in Chihuahua, Mexico. So, I feel at home living around Spanish people.
They take a bike ride. Wes looks really uncomfortable. It's unclear whether it's because he's bowlegged or because he's just not feeling Jillian. They pop their kickstands and head to lunch where they seem to be completely disconnected.
Wes picks his teeth and sits really far away from her.
Jill: I definitely did not feel any romance.
They talk about whether he could move to Vancouver, or anywhere other than Austin. He dodges the question, points to a bird with a broken foot and spills a beer on himself.
Jill: Why are things so awkward right now?
They go to dinner and have another tough conversation about his supposed girlfriend and his supposed music career. Wes contends that if he was there just to sell records, he'd already have been gone. Jill wonders if that's the case, why isn't he affectionate? She gets her answer.
Wes: Numero uno is what's most important here.
They continue to sit really far away from each other and Wes finally alludes to having a girlfriend.
Yay — the fantasy suite card arrives!
Wes: I think we should.
Jillian: Let's skip it.
He hops onto his steed, um, into a cab. As he pulls away, she says she feels sorry for him. He's really talented and didn't need to come on the show to further his career.
Cut to the dramatic rose ceremony. Jillian says she's never been more confident at a rose ceremony of who she has to send home. On cue, Wes delivers another zinger.
Kip: If it's me, keep it real for me, would you?
Wes: If it's me, you boys know that I will be back home having lots of sex.
Jillian has a fly black dress on. Ed, Reid and Kippers look dashing in suits; Wes is in dirty (tight) jeans and a dirty suede jacket.
She calls out the boys: Ed, Reid, Kiptyn.
She walks an unfazed Wes to his awaiting steed, um, limo.
Jill: The bad boy is definitely gone.
And with that we lose the diabolical Wes. He pulls out into the limo confessional gulping a beer and finally reveals the long-awaited truth.
Wes: I'm going down in flames. The first guy ever on The Bachelorette to make it to the top four with a girlfriend... my acting days are over.
He drinks more beer and further cements himself as a Lone Star monster.
Wes: Tonight I'm in Spain and it's about to go down... How do you lose to Reid? You got to be kidding me... And Ed? Those boys couldn't so much as get a nibble back in Texas.
Carrie (via text): OMG what a slimeball. Grosssss.
Next week, we head to Maui where hopefully we'll see Reid in a bathing suit.
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