The Bachelorette Episodes

2003, TV Show

The Bachelorette Episode: "The Bachelorette"

Season 5, Episode 7
Episode Synopsis: Jillian visits the hometowns of the five remaining bachelors. She fears that one guy's family might disapprove of her, questions if another bachelor is ready for marriage and wonders if she can meet another's family expectations. And one might be getting cold feet. Then there's the still-unresolved someone-has-a-girlfriend question. Before she eliminates a bachelor at the rose ceremony, two guys have an intense confrontation in her presence.
Original Air Date: Jun 29, 2009

The Bachelorette Episode Recap: Monday, June 29, 2009 Season 5, Episode 7

This week's episode features the return of not one but two bachelors, a shocking allegation, and my collapse into caveman talk when my fiancée and fellow recapper, exhausted by all the drama, falls asleep.

Hi, and welcome back to The Bachelorette recap. With me as always is my lovely fiancée, as we review an episode that features visits to the remaining five guys' hometowns. For the sake of simplicity, we'll break them down as follows:

Reid
Reid is from Philadelphia, which Jillian describes as "so beautiful"! Reid's mom, Rhonda, says she'd like to see him settle down now that he's "approaching 30," and tells Jillian she's "adorable." Then Reid's family throws him an impromptu 30th birthday and says how shocked they are by how affectionate he is with Jillian.

Me: I like him. I hope he's not the one we saw in the previews of future episodes. Who turns out to have performance issues... in the boudoir.

Fiancée: He is. You can hear him apologizing. It's too bad because he's totally cute.

Michael
Michael is from Valencia, Calif., and has an identical twin, Steve. Michael and Steve arrange to trade outfits to pull the ol' switcheroo on Jillian, but she doesn't fall for it, because, "I know my Michael immediately." Michael's mom, meanwhile, is adorable. She reminds us a bit of Cheryl from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Kiptyn
He's from San Diego, which gives him a slight advantage. San Diego is really pretty, and close to Mexico, a country that produces the best food in the world. Kiptyn's family shows Jillian their beautiful Jacuzzi, which they've wrapped in police tape, because, as Kiptyn's dad explains, they "saw the last few episodes of The Bachelor." They also explain that they love food and wine, and give her a challenge: She has to choose between two red wines, and two different lasagnas, and the best combination.

Fiancée: What a bunch of snobs.

Jillian passes the test. The family informs her that if she didn't, it could have been a very short evening. They also manage to mention that they both speak French.

Jillian: Kiptyn's family is very polished and well-traveled and refined.

Fiancée: And they're a bunch of d—ks!

Me: Wow, [embarrassing affectionate nickname]. Such language. Are you tired?

(Note: This last comment is foreshadowing.)

Kiptyn's family goes away, and Jillian and Kiptyn make their way to — secret weapon time — the hot tub. Jillian's a sucker for a hot tub.

Jesse
Jesse takes Jillian to his family's vineyards, revealing that he, like Kiptyn, has a geographic advantage: He lives in a gorgeous part of California that is surrounded by wine.

Fiancée: The only thing Jillian loves more than a hot tub? Wine.

My fiancée and I become insta-fans of Jesse's brother, a big dude with a beard and long blond hair who, for the purposes of this recap, will be known as Thor. At one point he pulls Jesse aside.

Thor: You love this chick? ... She want babies?

Jesse explains that he would be happy to be married with kids in five years or so, and that's he's talked to Jillian about combining his sommelier skills with her interior design skills (that's her job in real life) to open a wine bar.

Thor: She's a cutie. Cuteness, dude.

Later, Thor talks to Jillian.

Thor: Have you guys been naked together?

Jillian: No, it doesn't get like that — for a little while.

Fiancée and me: Whooooooooooo!

Next, the whole family jams together: Thor plays some great electric guitar, and Jesse proves himself a solid drummer. Jillian plays tambourine. Is Thor available to be the next Bachelor?

Wes
Next, Jillian arrives in Austin, Texas, another city I love like crazy. Country singer Wes says she'll soon meet his family, but first she has to meet his other family, his band.

Wes: There's no drug, no woman, nothing can get you to feel the way you feel when you're onstage.

Hear that, Jillian? More foreshadowing. Wes performs some of his songs, and then, suddenly, ejected contestant Jake appears, in his pilot's uniform, to tell Jillian to look out for Wes.

Jake: My goal is to protect her... Wes is a deceiver. That guy will say whatever he's got to say to get his agenda done. I've got to tell Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend.

Jake shows up at Jillian's door, and says he's not "here to get you back." He explains that he cares about Wes, but has to tell her something. We hear the sound of a thumping heartbeat. (Nice one, Bachelorette producers.)

Jillian: Just give it to me: Wes is here for his career, Wes doesn't love me, Wes is gay...

Jake: Wes has a girlfriend. Her name is Laurel. ... We've talked about Laurel more than three times.

Jillian asks if he's sure. He is. Jillian is in tears. She decides to confront Wes, who's a tad evasive. He says he and his ex-girlfriend are broken up but remain good friends, and that he would never go back to her. Jillian asks if Wes wants to talk to Jake about the situation. And so two Texans face off.

Wes: Well, Jake. A man of character.

Jake gets into specifics about times Wes allegedly told him about Laurel. Wes gets into semantics about the nature of his relationship with the mysterious Laurel in a manner beneath a straight-talking Texan.

Wes: She's always going to be one of my girlfriends.

Jillian asks for some time alone, and then says she still wants to meet Wes' family. They include his mom, stepmom, and three sisters. Wes explains that he and Jillian just experienced "a little speed bump." He tells his family that some guy who's been kicked off the show — Jake — came back and said Wes had a girlfriend. His stepmom, Renee, assures Jillian that Wes has a good heart.

Me: I don't know what to believe anymore. I seriously don't know if he has a girlfriend.

Fiancée: I'm exhausted. I'm going to sleep.

Me: Seriously?

Fiancée: I'm tired, [embarrassing affectionate nickname for me.] G'night.

Me: But I can't decipher the show without you, [corresponding embarrassing affectionate nickname]. I'll turn into a caveman.

Fiancée: G'night.

Jillian comes away from dinner with the family convinced that Wes doesn't have a girlfriend, and Wes describes Jake as a "backstabbing piece of s—t." Jillian, alone again, says she can't handle any more surprises. And then Ed, who quit the show because of work obligations, shows up at her door. I try to wake fiancée.

Me: Baby? Wake up. Ed's back. Baby? I need you. Ed's back. I can't do this alone.

Fiancée: ...

Me: Seriously? Cavemen?

She doesn't awake, I run back to watch the show.

Ed: I realized that I made a huge mistake. I got back and I could not stop thinking about you... I want another shot.

Whoa. Does this show have any rules anymore? Strictly from a logistical standpoint, can Jillian go back and retroactively remove someone else in Ed's place? I can't navigate such complexities without the guidance of my fiancée. And so, because I cannot function without her counsel, the rest of the recap will be in caveman talk.

Ed want stay. He sweater nice.

Jillian invite Ed rose ceremony.

Ed touch hair Jillian.

Jillian say she scare, confuse.

Jillian need keep only four guys in episode. With Ed have six. (Logistical question to me satisfaction answer.)

Me (shouting to fiancée): Wake you. Caveman talk like without.

Fiancée: ZZZZZZZZZZ

Jillian tell great Chris Harrison Ed return "bananas." Chris give her space.

Chris introduce Ed at rose ceremony, say four of six guys get rose. Guys stun. Jillian arrive. Dress pretty. She compliment guys and give rose. Suspense. Rose go Reid, Kiptyn. Jillian keep give rose.

Jillian: Ed.

Ed accept rose. And final rose go to... Wes. Give me break.

Michael — or twin — irate. So Jesse. Caveman sad. Jesse disparage Ed, Wes. Michael though class act. Say he "fall for the girl," and "straight up love" girl. Episode end.

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This week's episode features the return of not one but two bachelors, a shocking allegation, and my collapse into caveman talk when my fiancée and fellow recapper, exhausted by all the drama, falls asleep.

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Premiered: January 08, 2003, on ABC
Rating: TV-14
User Rating: (701 ratings)
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Premise: A rose-wielding single woman looks for Mr. Right among a passel of hunky men, just like on 'The Bachelor' but with the gender roles reversed. Original 'Bachelor' runner-up Trista Rehn was the first bachelorette, and her selection of Colorado firefighter Ryan Sutter culminated in the three-part special 'Trista and Ryan's Wedding.'

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