Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.
A new Department of Labor report finds personal outsourcing is revolutionizing how Americans don’t do their own work.
Kenny from GOOMF and Tim Devannon from the Steam Room are in London to discuss God's new ark full of Olympians and the children whose heads will hold the apples for the archery competition.
Rep. Lynn Merriweather says bill will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all.
An honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck.
Shelby Cross continues her crusade against bogs and marshes, which are good for nothing other than hiding bodies.
Psychic Kenneth Quinn connects Today Now! studio guests with former landlords and friends of work friends who have died for stilted conversations from beyond.
On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy talk to an 11-year-old who had his leg gnawed off by a cool-as-hell shark.
The President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same page going forward.
Inspired by the First Lady's health plan for children, Vice President Joe Biden has pledged to make every American woman beach-ready.
A fan asks about a sequel to the poorly received "The Onion Movie." Features editor Joe Garden explains where they got the photos for the American Voices column: e.g., photos of columnists Jean Teasdale and Jim Anchower came from a high school yearbook.
In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports on Kanye West's feud with Syria and a company's decision not to bother recalling a defective hotplate.
Experts say Close Range sets a new standard for first-person shooter games with its vivid graphics and endless stream of exploding faces.
Expert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child's obvious homosexuality.
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