Just as I had heard, this third episode had more drama and less comedy than the first two episodes. As anyone who lives in Los Angeles can attest, it's not all sunshine and lollipops all the time here in La-La-Land. So I was not surprised at the tone throughout most of this hour. It didn't mean there weren't any zingers every now and then, thanks to two of my favorite
Lyn Greene and
Richard Levine (Richard also directed the episode). I'll get to some of those great lines later, but let me first get this out of the way: That opening scene with Sean and Kate (
Paula Marshall) in the hot tub was really crappy. Sorry... couldn't resist. You learn a new thing every day. Kate learned never to take laxatives before getting into a hot tub with her lover. At first I thought it was blood, didn't you? Poor Kate. You knew Christian was going to go to town on that with Sean, even making loud farting noises. But you also knew that it was never going to leave Sean's mind. S--t happens. OK, I'll stop. For now.
I loved how Liz couldn't quite believe Julia was a full-on lesbian after she had lunch with Julia and Olivia (
Portia de Rossi). An example of those aforementioned great lines: After Christian mentioned that "Julia moved to Lesbania," Liz answered with, "Julia is just a tourist. She hasn't taken up residency and I don't think she plans to." Enter Christian. Of course, in
his mind, he could switch Julia back to
his side. Nice try, hot shot. After Christian and Julia had sex and Christian was so overly confident, it was not a surprise for the very quiet Julia to reveal that the whole idea was Olivia's: "She said the only way to get you out of my system was to sleep with you. I guess she was right." Ouch.
Earlier, it was pretty ironic that both Julia and Sean weren't being, shall we say,
responsive while in bed with their significant other. But they both had a lot on their minds, of course. All Sean had to do to spruce it up was to fantasize about Eden, Olivia's daughter. Can we talk about
AnnaLynne McCord as Eden? The last time I recall an actress
oozing that much sex on screen was
Angelina Jolie in
Gia. Methinks AnnaLynne has quite a career ahead of her. And Eden is a virgin! When she came to Sean to get her hymen reconstructed after a horseback-riding incident, I thought she was kidding. Something tells me her days as a virgin are numbered. Sean, you dirty bird.
Well, Sean may be a dirty bird, but apparently Kimber is a dirty crystal-meth addict. Oh, Kimber, why do you think they call it dope? I knew something seemed strange when Matt walked into Sean's bedroom with a lost and lethargic look on his face (why was Sean showering with the bathroom door open, by the way?). Christian had just given Matt $200, so why did Matt need more? Of course, drugs are expensive. It was already questionable when Matt said he left Kimber and took their baby daughter Jenna with him because Kimber couldn't "handle being a mother." Although I'm not a Scientology supporter, it didn't make sense that Kimber took Matt's $250,000 and "gave it to the church." Since they showed Matt and Kimber both partaking at the end, can we assume both of them are addicts?
Speaking of addicts, I didn't know that was
Michael Des Barres as plastic-surgery addict Everett Poe until I saw the opening guest-star credits and then recognized his voice. There are so many people in this town like Everett who refer to themselves as "plastic-surgery perfectionists." You know the ones. When they make a comment at a party, you look at them and wonder if they are being sarcastic or serious. You just can't tell... because their face doesn't move when they speak. Michael did a fabulous job, though.
Another person I was excited to see in the guest-star credits was
Susan Blakely. Here's where I show my age: I have been a Susan fan ever since
Rich Man, Poor Man. Those of you who are... younger... may not know this, but
RMPM was one of the very first miniseries ever and Susan was the sexy vixen female star. Susan has aged extremely well and I was so glad to see her as Valerie Farrell, the woman who mistook Christian for a prostitute. Good for Christian for going along with it and stealing the actual man-for-hire's client. I like how they left it so we weren't sure if Christian exited with the cash.
How worried should we be about Annie going to the same school as Eden, the one who called her "Pudge" and told her to "lay off the carbs"? I predict
P.J. Bloom will play Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" during an episode sometime soon: "Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie?" Speaking of P.J. Bloom, his genius music choices this week included "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" played during Everett Poe's chin-cleft surgery. What made it even better was that it was the Devo version rather than the Rolling Stones original. (Doesn't Everett's face look like it could be on an old animated Devo album cover?) Other musical gems: Featuring "I Know What Boys Like" by The Waitresses during Sean's first fantasy scene examining Eden, and "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse while Kimber and Matt were mething around (no, I don't have a lisp). But the best song choice was when Julia showed up on the beach with Christian and the song "California" by Rogue Wave was playing. Very fitting lyrics for Christian's mood: "Screw California/ And friends that are never there/And places that they oughta/Pretend that they even care."
More examples of a first-rate script:
- Julia to the way-too-confident Christian after they had sex: "Is that what gave you an orgasm? Imagining the look on Sean's face when you told him we were together?" Christian: "That's ridiculous. I love you." Julia: "How can you love what you can't see?"
- Matt handing Kimber the money he got "courtesy of
My Two Dads."
- Valerie describing how long it's been since she's been with a man and comparing it to the California drought: "It's been a long, dry season." Christian: "Well, I hope you brought an umbrella. Because they're predicting thunderstorms."
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Just as I had heard this third episode had more drama and less comedy than the first two episodes As anyone who lives in Los Angeles can attest its not all sunshine and lollipops all the time here in La-La-Land So I was not surprised at the tone throughout most of this hour It didnt mean there werent any zingers every now and then thanks to two of my favorite NipTuck writers Lyn Greene and Richard Levine Richard also directed the episode Ill get to some of those great lines later but let me first get this out of the way That opening scene with Sean and Kate Paula Marshall in the hot tub was really crappy Sorry couldnt resist You learn a new thing every day Kate learned never to take laxatives before getting into a hot tub with her lover At first I thought it was blood didnt you Poor Kate You knew Christian was going to go to town on that with Sean even making loud farting noises But you also knew that it was never going to leave Seans mind S--