Awwww. Graduation Day. So many emotions, so many memories. And for some of us, so much drinking, we're not even sure if we got a diploma. One thing I do know is if I got to go to Laguna High, you'd be prying me out of the place with the jaws of life. So let's commence (get it?) with this week's "The Future Is Here… and Its Parents Gave It a Frying Pan" survey.1) Talan's getting his G.E.D.?! Did we even know he was a dropout?2) Um, did anyone else catch Sexually Ambiguous Cedric calling Jason the Chronic Cheater "cutie"? And that hug? For a second, I thought I was watching MTV's Logo network.3) Who else wants Alex H. to sign their yearbook? Seriously, I'm gonna have 10 of her babies.4) Should I be embarrassed that I can't wait for the movie of Rent?5) Jason, Steeephen, L.C., Kristin and Alex H. are all moving to L.A.
Aiiight, so it was Lucas who saved Dan. You guys were right. Damn that meddling kid! God, we'd all be so much better off without that tool. Then again, that would leave us in serious need of a villain, and that witchypoo-looking high-school hag teasing my Haley totally won't cut it. Nor will Ellie, now that we know that Peyton's prodigal mama was only scoring weed to deal with her cancer symptoms. Didn't really see that one coming. What I did see was Hilarie Burton doing some of her best work ever. Oooh, the heartache. And how odd to have her there to stop Dan from throttling Lucas. Being Nathan's ex, she's probably seen the Bad Dad of the Century acting up, but murderous? I was half expecting her to announce that she was the one who tried to torch his sorry butt. Huh. Maybe it was Keith. Or Karen. Or Jules. Or Deb. Or Whitey. Or Nathan. Or Andy. Wow, Dan doesn't really have any friends, does he? Hell, even Brooke probably has a motive. Oh well, whoever it was, let
Question: I was wondering why you're not enjoying the first few episodes of Gilmore Girls this season, and I guess I'm surprised that more people haven't written in to disagree with you. I find the estrangement between Rory and Lorelai to be interesting and realistic. I also love watching Rory come to terms with the life her mother gave her versus the life she could have had with the elder Gilmores. I've become very interested in Logan's character, as well as in watching Luke do his best to navigate Lorelai's emotional upheaval after "losing" her daughter. Perhaps it is my own tumultuous relationship with my mother that is influencing my view of the show, but I think that this breakup is some of the most compelling stuff the show has done in a long time. Maybe Lorelai is acting like a child, but hasn't that always been the point? And now that Rory is finally acting like a young adult as well, we can see what happens when both are forced to grow up. Anyway, that's my two cents.
Awww… it seems like just yesterday that Jason the Chronic Cheater was boozily abusing Poor Dumb Jess after Winter Formal. But here it is, prom already. So, in honor of the biggest dance of the gang's lives, I offer y'all the "Our Show Was Just Renewed For a Third Season, So Let's Get All Drunked Up and Embarrass Our Parents" survey.1) Which invite was lamer? Alex H and Poor Dumb Jess' gorilla-outfitted suitors, Cabbage Patch Taylor's car being towed by the mohawked redhead, or Kristin's garage of roses from Talan?2) Who the hell throws a catered preprom party with a velvet rope? And were those the parents or the paparazzi? Monsignor Bonner High would totally nix that action.3) Is it me, or is Talan's mom a MILF?4) Jason the Chronic Cheater ditching his sophomore date to mack on Awful Alex: man-skank or drunken mistake? (Consider: He may have kissed her just to shut her up.)5) Seriously, Cas
Oh, my god, do any of these girls know about loyalty? Cripes, this one steals that one's guy, the blonde says the brunette smells in her ladyplace — thanks to Ali Gazan and a certain someone's college roommate for the scoop — and none of them could give a ya-ya about sisterhood. I love it! So, in honor of all the backstabbing, I offer the "With Friends Like These, Who Needs Herpes?" pop quiz.
1) Who else is totally into Alex H., and what do we need to do to get her a man? Baby girl's like the Dr. Phil of Orange County. 2) Kristin's hook-up with Poor Dumb Jess' crush, Skinny-Arm Surfer Jeff: booze-fueled or bitchy move?3) Do we think Poor Dumb Jess realizes that bashing Kristin to Cabbage Patch Taylor and Awful Alex M. is so going to come back to bite her in the codependent butt? 4) Is Talan a total chick? Because he seems to gossip a ton.5) To paraphrase the übereloquent Steeephen, what&nbs
Well it's about damn time somebody got Oprah on these Laguna beeyotches! Kudos to blonde Alex H.'s inner people-pleaser for staging some peace talks between the girls. Even if it is all about to fall apart in Cabo, let's honor our Lady of the Perpetual Stoned-Face with this week's "Why aren't I in the opening credits?" quiz. (And again, your replies give me life. Honestly.)
1) Awful Alex M. and Poor Dumb Jessica were friends?! Good lord, somebody get these dimwits a copy of Cosmo pronto. There are rules, ladies. You don't share a dude!
2) You don't, do you? And if not, should there be a special dispensation for the sharing of a dude like Jason the Chronic Cheater? I mean, the beer gut and bald patch are just a few years away. Might as well get as much out of him as you can now, right?
3) How creepy is Awful Alex M. with that whole "I called your mom" interrogation after Jason showed up at the bonf
OK, I didn't think I missed the gang this summer since I had the DVD box sets, the repeats, the 120 soundtracks and Laguna Beach to keep me company. Not to mention a growing disdain for Adam Brody's too-hip-to-be-squareness. But amen that they're back! Really, how nice to see everyone. Even Trey. Of course, coming out of that coma to accuse Ryan and his massive biceps of shooting him was a tad unfortunate. I don't care if the back-to-bitchy Julie did bribe him into betraying his bro to protect Marissa; you'd think the guy wouldn't be flipping karma the bird so soon after a near-death experience, right? And shame on Jimmy for not stopping her! Fortunately, Coop and Summer's candy-striper scheme worked, the truth came out and Scruffy McRapist hopped on the next bus to guest-star-ville. Now the kids can have some fun, watch Teen Wolf, go sailing or, you know, frolic on the beach like their postcard-y montage that had me waiting for Danny Zuko and Sandy to pop u
Can I tell you guys how much your replies make Tuesdays worth living? Really. It's so comforting to know there are other folks out there losing way too much sleep over Beach's beyotches and the blameless boys they recycle. So, with Labor Day officially a memory, I offer you the "Summer's So Dunzo" survey. And no cheating! We'll leave that to Jason next week. Hee hee.1. Where did Awful Alex M.'s eyebrows go? Girl's starting to look like "female" wrestler Chynna on a bender. 2. Speaking of, is it me or was Taylor working an "escape from rehab" vibe in that last scene? Concealer, honey. Embrace it.3. Would you rather have to see Jason the Unfaithful and Awful Alex's post-dinner fish-kisses or hear Poor Dumb Jessica leaving him an "I love you" voicemail from Monmouth?4. Who else considered sending Casey's housekeeper Imelda an arsenic-and