Joan & Melissa LIVE at the Academy Awards5:30: I'm so glad my colleagues over at the channel have decided to go blue for the red carpet. Setting the tone for the evening, Joan Rivers begins with a slightly disturbing scene in which she spreads 'em for Matt Dillon in Crash and groans a lot. And she warns us that there are many more such scenes from the nominated movies to come. Next she gives a nod to Isaac Mizrahi's infamously presumptuous Golden Globes coverage at rival E!. "I would never be so presumptuous!" she declares while she pokes Lisa Rinna in the boob. Instead of groping her interviewees, she'll be using cards to indicate whether they are wearing underwear and/or have real breasts. This'll be interesting.
5:33: Joan gives her own thank-you speech tailor-made to offend her entire crew: "We are color-blind here at TV Guide. Right, black person?" Then she fills the time
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To me, hosting a talk show [Style Network's Isaac, weekdays at 7 pm/ET] is like watching a baseball game. You know the basics of what's going to happen — someone's going to hit the ball and run around the bases — but you don't know who's going to win. It surprises me every day how different each show is from what I've planned. So I'm still learning how to be a good host. Here's what I've figured out so far.
1. When you're doing a cooking segment, make sure your appliances are plugged in. I was doing a cooking segment with chef Cat Cora, and we couldn't figure out why the blender wasn't working. We looked down — and there was the cord, just sitting there on the floor.
2. No music? No problem! Musical accompaniment is always
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