This week in the season finale of Fox's House, the repercussions of what happened between House and Cuddy were, to say the least, unpredictable. Meanwhile, Cameron struggled to reassess her relationship with Chase. On with the recap!
"It's ... not ... me." So explains a patient apparently suffering from split-brain syndrome, in which the left and right spheres of his melon don't converse very well, if at all. The result: In mid-conversation, he'll fling a sourdough roll across a restaurant ... or slap his doting girlfriend. "My left hand hates me," gripes the patient. "Yeah, I think House will be interested," Taub says before passing along the perplexing case.
Conferring with the team, House shares his opinion that the "right brain is a mute loser," while Taub and Foreman fight for the dissed hemisphere.
Among the red-herring diagnoses along the way to resolution are pancreatic cancer (isn't it always a cancer?). But no cells are cancerous. The girlfriend returns, having been spurned by the slap, to throw the docs the clue that the patient's latest outburst were triggered by his deodorant can. Factoring in its heavy-duty nature and his tiny bathroom, the team decides that he had ingested enough fumes to result in seizures. He likely never needed split-brain surgery to begin with.
In a smaller C-story case, Carl Reiner (Ocean's Eleven) guest-stars as a patient pushed onto House by Cuddy. The guy squawks, which is ultimately attributed to acid reflux — before House takes notice of his belt adjustments. "That's no pot belly," House says, looking closer. "That's a tumor."
WEDDED BLISS ... OR MISS?
Taub talks to Chase about the "glitch" that threatens to waylay his and Cameron's wedding. "Would you let your wife keep another man's sperm next to the frozen peas?" Chase asks. "It's preparing for failure."
Cam, meanwhile, picks House's brain. "Say the magic words," he advises: "I will destroy my husband's sperm." Cameron argues, "I don't expect my condo to burn down, but I have fire insurance." House's pointed retort: "If the condo rules didn't let you buy insurance, would you go homeless?" Touché.
Mid-surgery, Cameron flags down Chase and declares, "I don't want to be homeless." She says she's willing to spike the sperm: "I wanna marry you." Chase is moved/borderline giddy (or as giddy as Chase gets). He'd hug her but... the whole sterile thing.
Later, Chase questions Cam's decision — is she really willing to jettison the saved seed? He thinks not. "You don't want to kill the only thing left from somebody you loved," he suggests, filled with understanding, as she breaks down.
A HOUSE OUT OF ORDER
House wakes up, looks around, but Cuddy is nowhere to be seen. He tours his apartment, then finds her lipstick on the bathroom sink. He fingers a lipstick smudge on his cheek, as a look of a job well done crosses his face.
House finds Cuddy in her office, where she is dressed (relatively, for her) prim. "Isn't that like locking the barn door after the horse has put his face between your breasts for an hour-and-a-half?" he quips. "I'm your, boss, you're an employee," she sternly reminds. "From now on, we're going to focus on [that]. You can either accept [the] rules or leave."
House drops in on Wilson, for the scene well-ruined by promos: "I slept with Cuddy after she helped me detox from Vicodin." Wilson's response is a pair of wows, "one for each" revelation.
"This is fantastic," Wilson genuinely raves. "How are you going to screw it up?"
Well, for one, by trying to make Cuddy reconsider her stance on the matter. See, between studying her thermal radiation and testing her hormone levels before and after run-ins with him, House is convinced their night together made an impact on Cuddy. He wants her to talk abut it, and decides to make that happen by infuriating her. Several decent pranks later, though, no budging. Wilson goads him into upping his game, to not hold back. So House beckons the entire lobby area of the hospital and announces, "I slept with Lisa Cuddy."
Learning of this latest move, an infuriated Cuddy lashes out at House, all but in tears of rage. "I am angry," she announces, fulfilling his quest. "I was wondering if we should move in together," are the next words from House's mouth. And Cuddy's? "You're fired."
Back in Cuddy's office, House asks, "Are you sure you're not just overreacting to the other night?" Cuddy counters that what all of this nastiness has brought to light is the fact that they don't have a personal relationship, and never could.
House is puzzled. Things aren't adding up. What Cuddy is saying does not mesh with what happened to them the night before.
Or was there a night before?
The cameras zoom in on House's eyes as it dawns on him that his perception is off. Very off. The lipstick of Cuddy's that he has been fingering all day? It's ... not lipstick. It's a vial of Vicodin. But ... he detoxed, right? Nope.
None of it happened. He was all alone, at home, in his bathroom (where he scrambled for the stray pill). There was no writhing by the doorway.
None of it happened.
"So, this is the story you made up about who you are," Amber taunts, echoing something Wilson said earlier. "It's a nice one." Adds Kutner, joining in on the halluci-party: "Too bad it isn't true."
Cuddy leads the shell-shocked House to Wilson.
HAPPY & SAD
As a glowing Cameron (looking very much like Captain Kirk's mom) and Chase enjoy an idyllic outdoor wedding attended by family and friends (including an obviously preoccupied Cuddy) — and as a violin version of "As Tears Go By" plays — we cut back and forth between the ceremony and Wilson driving House to a psychiatric/rehab facility. Wilson shows his friend off, as he climbs up the steps of the imposing grey building.
What did you think, House fans? Did you like the twist, or anticipate it? Are you glad nonetheless to see House seek proper treatment for what has ailed him? Does a part of you worry that House will be "different" come next season?
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This week in the season finale of Fox's House
, the repercussions of what happened between House and Cuddy were, to say the least, unpredictable. Meanwhile, Cameron struggled to reassess her relationship with Chase. On with the recap!
"It's ... not ... me." So explains a patient apparently suffering from split-brain syndrome, in which the left and right spheres of his melon don't converse very well, if at all. The result: In mid-conversation, he'll fling a sourdough roll across a restaurant ... or slap his ...