Two and a Half Men Episodes

2003, TV Show

Two and a Half Men Season 7 episodes

This Is Not Gonna End Well Season 7, Episode 22

In the seventh-season finale, Charlie's license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver; and Alan plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party, which doesn't please Charlie. read more

Gumby with a Pokey Season 7, Episode 21

While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his former girlfriends. ZZ Top make a cameo appearance. read more

I Called Him Magoo Season 7, Episode 20

Alan plans a romantic night with his new girlfriend (Courtney Thorne-Smith), hoping for more intimacy. read more

Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave Season 7, Episode 19

Alan tolerates Jake's new friend, who is a bad influence, because he's attracted to the boy's mother, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith. read more

Ixnay on the Oggie Day Season 7, Episode 18

Tricia Helfer returns as Chelsea's college friend, whom Charlie meets again; and Alan has a surprising effect on a patient (Frances Fisher). read more

I Found Your Moustache Season 7, Episode 17

Charlie and Chelsea reunite briefly, giving Charlie hope that they could get back together. read more

Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Tinkle Like a Princess" Season 7, Episode 16

On this week's Two and a Half Men, Charlie deals with his breakup from Chelsea in the typical fashion — by peeing in a fichus and marrying a bimbo.

At first, Charlie and Chelsea seem to be handling their parting in a mature and restrained manner. No tears or groveling. But then Charlie sinks into a great depression, staying in his bedroom for days (and avoiding the bathroom because it reminds him of Chelsea and how she would tinkle like a princess in there — hence, the fichus), breaking down when talking to Judith about the split, and finally heading to church. It's there that Charlie asks God to help him through in any way He can. Enter Betsy.

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Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Aye, Aye, Captain Douche" Season 7, Episode 15

On this week's Two and a Half Men, the question everybody has wondered is answered: Chelsea does have her breaking point after all.

In the first part of the episode, it looked like Chelsea may have run off with Alan's attorney, Brad. After they seemed to click at their initial meeting, Brad had invited Chelsea and Charlie to a function at his house. It involved kids and horses, so of course Charlie passed. After learning that Chelsea went alone, Alan became quite the instigator, reminding Charlie that he will never be as good as this other man. Charlie eventually became paranoid and sets out to find Chelsea, only to come home wet and without her.

Cut to this week and read more

Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Crude and Uncalled For" Season 7, Episode 14

Alan returns to the Internet to meet that special someone and finds himself a beautiful dinner date. While it's obvious to almost everyone that she's not into him, it's not apparent to Alan. When a handsome man propositions her in front of him, Alan does something we've never seen before — he grows a pair. Out of nowhere, he stands up for himself and knocks the man out. He even finishes off with a "How's that, bitch?!" Although it's definitely applause-worthy, it unfortunately lands him in jail.

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Yay, No Polyps! Season 7, Episode 13

Charlie gets a colonoscopy just to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's parents, but he returns home to find them there. Tom: Stacy Keach. read more

Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste" Season 7, Episode 12

On this week's Two and a Half Men, the boys in Malibu have their fair share of relationship issues — and each one is a little more complicated than the last.

First, we'll focus on Charlie. He and Chelsea have a conversation regarding whether or not he will get up early to take her to the airport — turns out he'll just call her a cab. Then, Chelsea learns that there are compromising videos of her on his iPhone. She deletes them, and then invites him upstairs to give him something to remember her by. Unfortunately, Chelsea gets sidetracked, so Charlie heads upstairs to (ahem) take care of himself. And that's about as complicated as you get with Charlie — quick, easy, and uncomplicated.

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Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Warning, It's Dirty" Season 7, Episode 11

On this week's episode of Two and a Half Men, Charlie schools Jake on the finer points of cheating, but forgets one tiny, but very important, detail.

Ah, it's holiday time at the Harper house and it has everything you'd expect—booze, singing, womanizing, and an old man soiling himself (warning: it's disturbing). This year, Alan has written the Harper Christmas newsletter to send out. Now, I sometimes get newsletters in lieu of a Christmas card and for me it just seems a little too impersonal. Unfortunately, there was nothing impersonal about this newsletter. In it we learn that Jake passed his class by the skin of his ass, Charlie is single no more after getting engaged to a lady, not a whore, and Evelyn rejuvenated her secret garden—turns out nothing rhymes with vulva. I think the best part of the scene, besides the poem of course, was Alan's responses, in his best Oliver Twist accent, to Charlie's bah-humbug attitude. I'm not sure if Alan was hitting the sauce or if the holidays just puts him in a jolly mood, but he was downright witty!

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That's Why They Call It Ball Room Season 7, Episode 10

Charlie discovers a secret that Chelsea's been keeping from him regarding her finances. read more

Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair" Season 7, Episode 9

This week on Two and a Half Men, Charlie realizes that the heat has gone out of their sex life when Chelsea no longer screams "Ga" during sex (apparently, when she's finishing she can't get out the whole "God"). That's not too surprising, considering that they've been together for a while now. What is surprising are the people he'll turn to for advice... read more

Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Gorp. Fnark. Shmegle" Season 7, Episode 8

On this week's Two and a Half Men, Charlie is tempted by Chelsea's college roommate, though it turns out to be all in his head.

The question that goes through many women's mind was finally answered — no, he's not really listening to you. Chelsea finds that out the hard way when she reminds Charlie about dinner plans they have with her college roommate. Charlie seems not to know anything about it, which causes Chelsea to berate him for not listening. She may as well be talking to the couch, because he doesn't hear a word she says. He's too busy having a conversation inside his head about whether or not he should pee before they go.

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Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Untainted by Filth" Season 7, Episode 7

In this week's Two and a Half Men, Charlie and Chelsea get a little closer to walking down the aisle, but it's the closeness between the brothers that's the real story.

Through a stroke of good luck, or rather good connections, Chelsea and Charlie are given the chance to have their wedding at the Bel-Air Hotel. Evelyn even offers to pay for the shindig, which rightfully upsets Alan that his mom would offer to pay for Charlie's wedding when he only got a dinette set (his argument: Charlie's marriage is just as likely to fail as his was). Charlie obviously is in no hurry to set a date, because he gives all sorts of excuses to get out of it — even bringing up something about killer swans. After some coaxing, Chelsea finally gets Charlie to commit to the date and runs off to make the all-important calls to family and friends. Alan can't pass up the chance to rib Charlie about it being the end of an era and his good run being over...forever. Things won't change too much, Charlie argues. He'll still be in the same house, with the same woman. Yes, he will...forever. While the idea of a June wedding at the Bel-Air sends Chelsea over the moon (as it should), it sends Charlie out for a drink (as it would).

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Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Give Me Your Thumb" Season 7, Episode 6

In this week's Two and a Half Men, Alan gives Chelsea some advice and Charlie gives Alan the old heave-ho.

Alan shows off some of his chiropractic knowledge when Chelsea complains of back pain. When a little bit of adjusting and some suggestions don't help, Alan suggests that she consider getting a breast reduction. Apparently, Charlie can sense when the words "boobies" and "reduction" are used in the same sentence because he wakes from a dead sleep and realizes that "something's wrong!"

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Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "For the Sake of the Child" Season 7, Episode 5

In Monday's Two and a Half Men, we see a boy become a man (well, in a way), and some men go back to being boys.

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Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator Season 7, Episode 4

Alan handles a job for his mom, while Charlie plays mediator between Chelsea and Jake, whose relationship is on rocky ground. read more

Mmm, Fish. Yum Season 7, Episode 3

Alan ends up taking care of Judith's baby and her inebriated mother; Charlie is blackmailed by Jake, who has an incriminating photo of Charlie. Lenore: Annie Potts. read more

Whipped Unto the Third Generation Season 7, Episode 2

Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, moves in with him after Chelsea convinces Charlie that it would be a great idea, and the women take over the house. read more

818-jlkpuzo Season 7, Episode 1

In the seventh-season opener, Mia's reappearance has Charlie doubting his love for Chelsea, and he has to decide between the two women. Eddie Van Halen has a cameo. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. read more

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Premiered: September 22, 2003, on CBS
Rating: TV-PG
User Rating: (1,531 ratings)
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Premise: A hit sitcom built on often-raunchy material, starring Charlie Sheen and, later, Ashton Kutcher begins with the premise of a Malibu bachelor (Sheen) whose life is disrupted when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him. In the ninth season, Kutcher replaces Sheen, playing a billionaire with a broken heart. Briskly written and performed, the sitcom had fun spoofing Charlie Sheen's bad-boy reputation (which ultimately led to his exit from the series) and Jon Cryer's nervous energy.



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