This week's episode has the whole gang back in New York, settling into new digs and new relationships.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Insults
Blair and Serena are back in cahoots and discussing their most-certain invitations into Columbia's secret society for the elite, the Hamilton House. In order to receive their official invitation, they must track down the keymaster, who just so happens to be Nate's new hot tamale, Juliet. She tells S. and B. that only one key remains and that it belongs to Blair.
Juliet convinces Blair to meet her and the rest of the girls for inaugural drinks that night before B.'s back-to-school dinner with Serena. Ever the social climber, Blair ditches dinner with Serena to relish in the attention from her new sisters. S. finds out via Gossip Girl's new live-action streaming feature (how very TMZ of them!).
Serena is feeling a bit slighted -- what with Blair off gallivanting with her new minions and Nate and Dan both blowing her off -- and she has the sneaking suspicion that Juliet is behind it all. Blair returns to her jealous, snarky self (Whew! I almost thought she had matured for a quick second!) and reassures Serena that Juliet is not to blame — Serena's good luck is just running out, and she has to face the fact that she's not top dog anymore.
Serena sees another Hamilton House key being given out and confronts Juliet. Juliet says she lied about Blair getting the last key because she thought it would be less hurtful than the truth, which was that the alumni had put Serena's name at the top of the list, but it was Blair who changed their minds at the last minute by spilling details about Serena's sordid sex tape.
No Sleep in Brooklyn
Dan is still playing single daddy to Milo while Georgina is working on her tan in St. Barth's (Dan found out the truth about her whereabouts via Gossip Girl) when Rufus breaks the news to him that Milo is not his son. Dan assumes Georgina isn't coming back, but he can't bear the thought of putting the baby in foster care. He decides he is going to keep Milo for himself, and Vanessa will move in to help raise the baby, which (insert sarcasm here) is every 19-year-old-with-no-job-or-education's dream, isn't it?
Georgina shows up back at the loft and confesses that she made the story up because Milo's real father was someone she had had a one-flight stand with en route to Russia, and his wife had found out and was trying to have her killed. She thought if she could pass off Milo as someone else's, they would both be safe. She thanks Dan for saving their lives and takes Milo to live with her parents.
Vanessa's moving van is still parked downstairs, and she tells Dan she is going to take it back now that Milo is gone, but he encourages her to move in anyway. What do you think of these two together? Do you see the sparks, or are they better off as friends?
Coming to America
Chuck makes amends with Lily, who encourages him to bring Eva to the Fashion's Night Out party to meet everyone. Eva is having a difficult time letting go of the ordinary "Henry Prince" and adjusting to the fabulous life of Chuck Bass. Her insecurities are realized even more when Blair confronts her and warns her that she is just as disposable as the rest of Chuck's conquests.
Eva is hesitant about going to the party. She tells Chuck she doesn't fit into his world, but Chuck convinces her that it is for that exact reason that everyone will love her.
Rufus is understandably upset that Chuck is coming to the party, especially after Eric tells him about the party several years earlier, where Chuck tried to force himself on Jenny. Chuck seems to be sincere in his remorse, but Rufus threatens to tell Eva about his old antics. Chuck is forced to come clean to Eva about his hard-partying playboy ways, but she chooses to stay with him anyway because she's seen the man he can be.
Catfight on the Catwalk
Meanwhile at the Fashion's Night Out party, Serena shows up with her panties in a bunch, but her push-up bra clearly still intact (for how much airtime her cleavage gets, it should have top-billing in the credits!). She storms off to confront Blair about sabotaging her chances at Hamilton House.
Gossip Girl broadcasts a behind-the-scenes catfight between Serena and Blair, and sly Juliet turns all the TV's at the party on to the live stream. The entire crowd watches the screens in stunned silence as S. and B. hurl insult after scratch after hair-pull. When the curtain falls, however, Serena, Blair and Dorota are sitting cool as cucumbers, nary a claw mark or broken nail in sight. They had staged and filmed the whole fight to expose Juliet's ploy.
Lily steps in and says that half of Bass Industries was on the alumni board and that Serena's name was always at the top of the list. "Hand over the key," she says. Juliet gives her key to Serena and walks away, defeated. Nate witnesses the whole thing and runs after her, despite Serena's objections.
Juliet tells Nate she lied because she couldn't bear to be in such close quarters with Nate's ex when she was developing feelings for him herself. Poor, naïve Nate — he buys it, and they kiss and make up. Blair and Serena witness the kiss, and B. utters one of her best perfectly-timed one-liners yet: "Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish."
Later, they are rehashing the night when Blair unveils a bedroom for Serena in her apartment — roomies! How long until the slamming doors and silent treatments start?
Cut to visiting hour at a prison, when an inmate in an orange jumpsuit gets escorted to Juliet's table. "The guys were easy, but the girls are presenting more of a challenge... we'll get it done — I promise."
Who is this mystery jailbird, and what is their master plan? Is Chuck really reformed, or is it only a matter of time before he reverts back to his old ways? How long until the Serena and Blair are enemies again? Until next week... XOXO.