In this week's episode of Glee, Kurt's potential love interest will be introduced. Blaine (Darren Criss) is a student at Dalton Academy, and his show choir will be covering Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream." Meanwhile, Finn and Sam attempt to keep their urges in check.
The episode opens on Sam and Finn in the locker room, to which my co-worker says, "Hello!" (I may have thought it, too.) Sam is having a hard time controlling his urges while dating Quinn, who learned her lesson about getting too naughty the hard way. Finn, who is dating Rachel, another prude, notes that he controls himself by remembering the time he hit the mailman. Seeing Coach Beiste with shorts riding up her behind gives Sam an idea!
At rehearsal, New Directions welcomes Puck back to school. He didn't really learn his lesson at juvenile hall, though, and decides to help Artie around school so that it would count — in his mind — toward his community service.
Will announces their upcoming competition for sectionals. New Directions will compete against The Dalton Academy Warblers (an all-boys school, which makes Santana think of a lot of gay jokes), and the Hipsters (elderly people getting their GEDs). Will decides to make this week's lesson a repeat of the girls vs. boys mash-up competition.
Kurt, who's being pushed around by a football jock, decides to try to stand up to him to no avail. Will sees this and calls Kurt into his office. Will notes that Kurt has been rejecting any support lately, but Kurt says it's his "hill to climb alone." He admits he's unhappy and unchallenged.
To remedy this, Will has the girls sing boy songs and the boys sing girls songs in the competition, but the boys don't take to Kurt's ideas for their songs and costumes.
Sam and Quinn are getting hot and steamy down by the fire, so Sam thinks of Coach Beiste in lingerie butchering meat, followed by an image of her in a Cheerios outfit. When Quinn asks him to say her name, he says "Beiste."
Quinn tells Sue about Sam saying the coach's name and worries that he's fantasizing about "dry humping the She-Hulk," as Sue describes it. Sue thinks if Quinn starts talking about it around school she'll be able to get Beiste fired. Side note: Sue calling Sam a Macaulay Culkin look-a-like: FTW.
In the quad, Puck strums his guitar to "One Love/People Get Ready" with Artie. They get donations from everyone sitting around. They probably think they're donating to Artie, but really it's for a "butt-load of Clove cigarettes," Puck says. Artie notes how he still pines for Brittany, so Puck suggests they use the money to go on a double date with Santana and Brittany.
Kurt goes to the Dalton Academy to check it out what the school is like. He meets Blaine, who says the Warblers, their glee club, are rock stars at that school. Blaine grabs his hand and takes him through the school to the performance, where they sing Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream."
Tina and Mike decide to employ Sam's tactics to keep his urges in check. Mike imagines Beiste in a tutu, smoking a cigar—wait, it was Tina imagining it! She even says Beiste's name and Mike freaks out.
Quinn confronts Sam about his fantasies, thinking he's having an affair with Coach Beiste. Quinn then yells at the coach, but is interrupted by Mike, who tells Beiste to "stay away from my woman!"
Will confronts the boys about their imaging Beiste. He worries that the coach will be upset if she finds out their abusing her. He compares Beiste to glee club; how they are all outsiders. He tells them it has to stop and they can never tell Beiste.
The Dalton boys take Kurt out for coffee to semi-confront him for spying, but they know he's there for more than just that. Kurt asks them whether the whole school is gay, but they're not, they just have a zero-tolerance harassment policy.
Kurt confesses that he's being harassed at school. Blaine can relate, explaining that at his old school, he complained to the faculty and they wouldn't even help. He left and went to Dalton. He says Kurt has two options: Come to Dalton (but tuition is expensive), or refuse to be the victim. "Confront them, call them out. I ran, Kurt, I didn't stand up," he says. "I let bullies chase me away and it's something I really regret."
Beiste asks Will why the glee club kids have been mouthing off to her. If the students won't respect her, she can't do her job. She asks him to be straight with her because he's the only person at the school that she trusts. Will explains that the kids have been imagining Beiste to keep their sexual urges in check, which is devastating to her.
At Breadsticks, Puck shares stories about juvenile hall, which includes telling a guy who was trying to take the last waffle to "Le'go my eggo." Meanwhile, Brittany says she's been squeezing artie's leg for the last hour. (I actually smacked my forehead.) Puck tries to dine and dash, but Artie pays for the meal. Puck tells him he wussed out and leaves him there while he takes both Santana and Brittany back to his place.
The girls perform "Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer," by The Rolling Stones and Bon Jovi. I wasn't a fan of this mix. Don't mess with "Livin' on a Prayer."
Will receives a note from Sue asking him to come to the auditorium, where she announces that she got Beiste fired. "Actually she quit, but I'll take the W," Sue says while shooting off two confetti cannons.
While Kurt looks at a sweet text from Blaine, the football jock slams his phone on the ground and shoves him against a locker. Kurt loses it and screams at the jock, saying Kurt will never change so he might as well just punch him and get it over with. Instead, the jock kisses him. It all makes sense now.
Will yells at New Directions for getting Beiste to quit, much to some of their confusion. Finn explains what they've been doing, and it dons on Quinn that she should apologize to Sam. "If everyone just put out, we'd have a winning football team," Santana says.
Puck's probation officer calls him into the principal's office. She says helping Artie isn't community service, and that if he doesn't sign up for something new, she'll have to send him back. He freaks out at the thought of going back, and runs off.
Blaine and Kurt approach the football jock and tell him he's not alone. When the jock shoves Blaine up against a fence, Kurt pushes him. "Well, he's not coming out anytime soon," Blaine says. Kurt says he's upset because the stupid football jock was actually his first kiss. Blaine takes him to lunch to cheer him up.
As Beiste packs up, Will tries to convince her to stay. He explains that the glee club really does respect her. She says she's not gay, just intimidating. Deep down inside, she's just a girl who wants to go out on a date. Will offers to set her up, but she's never even been kissed. To fix that, Will kisses her and they embrace as friends.
Artie finds Puck, who's decided to skip town. He'd rather leave than pick up trash on the side of the road. Though he was telling awesome stories about juvenile detention, he admits he was so scared in there. He got jumped on the first day, and his waffles kept getting stolen. Artie offers to tutor him while he's doing community service.
Kurt puts a picture of Blaine in his locker, but as he's looking at it, he gets slammed against the lockers by the football jock. Ho hum.
The boys perform their mashup — "Stop! in the Name of Love/Free Your Mind," by The Supremes and En Vogue — for Coach Beiste in hopes that she'll forgive them. Again, not digging this mashups. There was no real cohesive theme with either. The episode closes on Beiste praising the boys' song, who in turn go in for a group hug.
What did you think of this week's episode? Do you have hope for Blaine and Kurt? Was that kiss between Beiste and Will awkward? Sound off in the comments.
Want a second opinion? TVGuide.com's Denise Martin weighs in on Blaine and the episode's two shocking kisses over at AOL TV.