Dilbert

1999, TV Show

Full Episodes(30)

Latest Episode: Ethics

Jul 25, 2000 Season 2 Episode 17 watch on (Paid)

Dilbert is in charge of a new voting system project for the government. He creates an Internet Voting Network allowing people to vote from their own computer at election time. He expects it to produce the highest voter turnout ever. Dilmom is upset with this because without it, senior citizens were the only people who took the time to vote. Now elections might actually be fair. Dilbert also gets harassed by various lobbyists who want him to manipulate election results in their favor. He considers rigging the next election so that he can hook up with an attractive tobacco lobbyist named Ashley. Dilbert reverts to the influence from an ethics class The Boss makes the gang sit through. He doesn't influence the vote. A fake candidate, Hairyass McGee, is elected because only kids know how to work the network. The senior citizens can't figure it out, and end up not voting at all.

The Fact

Jul 18, 2000 Season 2 Episode 16

Dogbert writes a book claiming pepper is a miracle herb that cures Chronic Cubicle Syndrome. Dilbert witnesses Dogbert making the entire thing up and is appalled when people start falling for his claims. Dogbert pushes his book on a talk show and the Boss decides to use Chronic Cubicle Syndrome as their next market opportunity. Dilbert is in charge of developing a product to combat CCS. He reluctantly helps manipulate research to prove CCS exists. Meanwhile, Dogbert is busy creating a Pepper Diet. Dilbert comes up with Shockpants to relieve the syndrome. The guys from Marketing decide to sell the pants as business wear instead of a cure for CCS. The pants become a hit and the Boss has a great time shocking his employees with his control panel. The pants start killing people and everyone blames Dilbert. He saves his job by suggesting they change the name to Shop Pants. The wattage is lowered and women are encouraged to shock their husbands while shopping so they can buy everything they want. The idea saves Dilbert's job.
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Company Picnic

Jul 11, 2000 Season 2 Episode 15

It's company picnic time again and the engineering department is desperate to beat marketing in the annual softball game. The Boss introduces the Crapulets team from engineering to the Company Hall of Fame hoping to end their losing streak against the MarketGurus. Practice is awful and Dogbert becomes the team's new coach. With Dilbert pitching, the team might have a chance. Dilbert's personal incentive comes from a new girl in marketing, Juliet. She and Dilbert flirt with romance while the guys from marketing discourage it in Romeo and Juliet fashion. The boss accidentally poisons the MarketGurus with discount wieners he brought for the picnic. Dilbert eats one to be with his love, only to find out she hasn't eaten any. Dilbert gets his stomach pumped while the marketing guys brainwash Juliet to keep her away from Dilbert and the rest of those engineers.
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The Delivery

Jun 13, 2000 Season 2 Episode 14

Dilbert sees the picture of his ultrasound and can't believe his baby looks like a bowl of fruit. Dogbert and Garbage Man suggest he sell his story to the tabloids, but Dilbert remains skeptical. However, when Dilbert tells the Boss he is pregnant, the Boss threatens to fire him if he has the baby. Dilbert and Dogbert decide that going to the tabloids is the only way Dilbert will be able to support the baby if he loses his job, so Dilbert tries out for a TV talk show and somehow ends up getting a makeover on Regis and Kathie Lee. Since he didn't get paid much for his story on TV, Dilbert then decides to write a book. He goes to see a literary agent who brings him to a place which actually creates news and is surprised to find Dogbert there! They decide to do a news show on Dilbert. While the show is on the air, the dying billionaire, the hillbilly surrogate and the engineers whose sperm was destroyed at the sperm bank, are all watching in awe. They decide to sue Dilbert for custody of the baby. Dilbert pleads with the judge for custody of his baby, but to no avail. After the trial, Dilbert has the mutant baby (which is a combination of all the different genes the rocket had crashed into) and quickly puts the baby in a rocket and launches it into space.
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The Pregnancy

Jun 06, 2000 Season 2 Episode 13

Dilbert makes a small model rocket to find other traces of life in space. When Ratbert accidentally pushes a button, it launches the rocket, which then detects alien life and takes samples. As it comes back to earth, it crashes into the unfertilized eggs of a surrogate hillbilly woman (for a dying billionaire), a cow and a sperm bank, stocked with engineers' sperm. The rocket then crashes into Dilbert's house and into his buttocks. When Dilbert is in the hospital, the doctors discover he is pregnant, but Dilmom and Dogbert keep the news from Dilbert, who is oblivious to the changes going on with his body. Dilbert starts to become more feminine -- he carries a purse, styles his hair and pays attention to his wardrobe. When he tells Catbert he has been feeling different, Catbert says he thinks Dilbert has become a woman. Finally, Dilmom and Dogbert tell Dilbert he is pregnant. Dilbert decides to go see a doctor at the new HMO location, the Fusilli Café since his health plan coverage has been reduced. The doctor does an ultrasound and faints when he sees the picture. When Dilbert sees the picture, he's equally horrified.
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The Virtual Employee

May 30, 2000 Season 2 Episode 12

Dilbert addresses the problem of his overflowing cubicle, but discovers there is nowhere in the office to trash the obsolete equipment he and his coworkers have acquired. They decide to venture through the building to find an unused cubicle to stash their trash. However, when they find it they are so overjoyed that Loud Howard inadvertently lets out the secret to nearby workers who wonder what the fuss is about. Dilbert's gang save their storage space by inventing Todd, a new employee who will occupy the cube. They do work for Todd to keep the cover and he gets promoted while Wally gets fired. They agree the cube isn't worth the change Todd has brought to the office, so they plot to "kill" him. Boss overhears and turns them in. Just as Dilbert is about to be put away for life, Wally impersonates Todd and saves the day. They all have a party to praise Todd and his contribution to the office.
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The Return

Feb 23, 2000 Season 2 Episode 11

Dilbert turns to the Internet in search of a new computer. He has it delivered to the office to impress the other engineers. His idea backfires when the Boss signs for it and it turns out to be an outdated model instead of the state of the art system he had ordered. He runs into problem after problem while trying to return it. He finally finds out the location of the company, Comp-U-Comp, and heads straight there with the computer and the gang from work. They discover that the company is run by a big computer. It tells the group it will not exchange the computer unless Dilbert agrees to a competition to determine whether humans or computers are superior. After losing to Comp-U-Comp in chess and badminton, Dogbert arrives to help Dilbert out. Dogbert locates the only human in the building, a security guard who guards the outlet where Comp-U-Comp is plugged in. Dogbert distracts him and unplugs Comp-U-Comp. Dilbert and the gang use this opportunity to grab a bunch of new computers and run. Dogbert plugs Comp-U-Comp back in and they flee with their new computers.
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The Assistant

Feb 16, 2000 Season 2 Episode 10

When the executives discover that the engineers know there are other jobs available, they decide to promote Dilbert and show the employees that they really can have a "career" at the company. The problem is that Dilbert doesn't want to be a manager, so they give him an assistant instead. Alice is peeved to learn that Dilbert has an assistant and she doesn't, so she gets Catbert to appoint Asok her assistant. This leads to a duel between the two assistants, who are both fired in the end while Dilbert goes back to being an engineer.
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The Off-Site Meeting

Feb 09, 2000 Season 2 Episode 9

When the company is sued by a "tree-loving" society, the Boss suggests an off-site meeting at Dilbert's house. The problem is that Dilbert's obnoxious neighbors, the Pierponts, have adopted an elephant and built a huge wood pen for their new pet above Dilbert's house. During a rousing ice-breaker game of paint ball, the tree lovers' leader kills the elephant and destroys Dilbert's house in the process. Dogbert saves the day by blackmailing the tree lover for killing an extinct animal and has Dilbert's house switched with the Pierponts (who are conveniently out of town).
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Hunger

Feb 02, 2000 Season 2 Episode 8

Dilbert invents what he thinks will end world hunger -- the Tomeato. And, he knows the perfect place to test his invention: the third world country of Elbonia -- where his foster child lives. So, Wally and Dilbert set out for Elbonia with the Tomeato in hopes that they can cure the country of its famine. But, when they get there, they are shocked to see that the country is not in a famine at all. In fact, they are very well fed. The whole country eats mud. Mud that tastes like chocolate to be specific. And, Dilbert also discovers that his starving foster child is in fact not only not starving, he is also not a child. He is the richest, and shortest, man in Elbonia. Dilbert is not discouraged, however, and he finds a use for his Tomeato afterall. Several Elbonians begin to use the Tomeato as a building brick and it holds up quite nicely. But, when the Elbonians plant the Tomeato to further their building industry, the half vegetable/half meat hybrid turns their precious chocolate mud into, well...just mud. And the country begins to starve. So, Dilbert, now safely back at home, rushes back to Elbonia with Dogbert so that he can save the country from starvation.
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The Merger

Jan 26, 2000 Season 2 Episode 7

When the company is unexpectedly faced with a surplus of 20 billion dollars, the Boss decides a merger with a less efficient corporation is the only way to unload the money. Dogbert decides to broker the deal with the only company willing to merge, a group of aliens whose idea of synergy is sucking the brains out of their new employees (literally). Meanwhile, Alice is less than thrilled at the mud bath Catbert has given her to alleviate her synergy-induced stress. Dilbert stops the merger when he takes the alien CEO on a tour, whereupon he eats the "bad brains" from the marketing department and gets sick.
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The Security Guard

Jan 19, 2000 Season 2 Episode 6

Dilbert and the security guard at his office building exchange some hostile words and before they know it they have made a bet: They will change jobs for one day. If Dilbert loses, he gives up his house. If the security guard loses he gives up his borrowed car. So, the two set out to switch jobs and Dilbert soon realizes that the job of security is a lot tougher than he thought. When he stumbles on an illegal casino in The Company's offices after hours, he almost blows it in the "security" department, until he pulls the fire alarm in order to clear the building.
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The Dupey

Dec 07, 1999 Season 2 Episode 5

Fast food restaurants are advertising "The Dupey" free with a meal. But, Dilbert discovers that The Dupey doesn't even exist. Then he is informed that his company is marketing the imaginary item. The Boss puts Dilbert in charge of creating The Dupey to go with the existing marketing campaign and Dilbert invents the cutest little Dupey, a mechanical baby that learns to walk, eat, etc. at an accelerated rate. The world goes crazy for the little tikes and all seems great for The Company until the Dupeys begin to morph into an ugly, advanced life form. The Boss thinks that the only way to rid the planet of the Dupeys is to eat them. Dilbert, on the other hand, has a plan: one wouldn't eat an insurance salesman, would one? So, turn the Dupeys into insurance salesmen.
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The Trial

Nov 23, 1999 Season 2 Episode 4

The day starts out innocently enough: The Boss is driving to work while listening to a self-help tape and so enraptured is he that he runs over several people and generally makes a menace of himself. Meanwhile a blood drive is taking place at work and Dilbert is the only suitable candidate to drain. So, after giving many, many pints of blood, Dilbert tries to drive home -- seriously impaired by his lack of bodily fluids and is arrested. While he is driving home, the blood drive nurse and the Boss, who has now arrived at work, drop, ALA water balloon style, a bag of Dilbert's blood on some unsuspecting workers below. This, in turn, sets up Dilbert's DNA as being at the scene of a crime, even though he didn't sniper off the workers he is accused of killing. Dilbert is sent to prison and while there organizes the prisoners into a model group of efficiency thugs. And, Alice, engaged to a prisoner on death row, attends her wedding, only to pull the electric switch after saying "I Do."
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Art

Nov 16, 1999 Season 2 Episode 3

Dilbert creates a blue duck on his computer and from his innocent drawing the art world is turned upside down. Dilbert becomes a famous artist with women falling at his feet. The Boss and the others at the company market The Blue Duck across the nation and Europe so that it is the hottest art craze around. Dilbert is kidnapped by some art thugs and taken to their lair where he meets Leonardo D'Vinci and other artists. They confront him with their disappointment in the turn the art world has taken and vow to put an end to The Blue Duck. The craze ends when The Boss embarrasses himself on national television while wearing a Blue Duck T-shirt. And, the world begins to rebel against The Company's art creation.
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Dilbert Clips & Interviews collapse view

Holding Up the Wall
Golden Egg
Kenny the Sales Weasel
Bad Listener
Fictitious Phone Messages
Second Monitor
Yoga Prodigy
Chips and Dips
Nothing Left to Give!
Spooky
Into the Void
Manager's Elbow
Elbow Ass
Bottom of the Ocean
Mort is Dead

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