Like many other old-school entertainment icons, former phenom Andrew Dice Clay has turned to reality TV to remind the public of his existence. But unlike Bobby Brown or Danny Bonaduce, who seemed to enjoy airing their dirty laundry, Clay signed up for VH1's Dice: Undisputed (Sundays at 10 pm/ET) with a very specific goal in mind: to land a gig at Giants Stadium. Though this may sound like a pipe dream, Clay won't hear it. In fact, in the second episode he fired his longtime booking agent for dubbing Clay's aspirations "a fantasy." Call him a has-been, call him a pop-culture punch line.... He'll just curse you out then continue with his plans. And that single-mindedness makes him strangely endearing, like an R-rated teddy bear with very sharp claws.
[Editor's note: For maximum amusement, be sure to imagine all of Clay's answers in
Who's the first date from hell? Who's utterly desperate? Who is this year's comeback kid? And who have we seen just a bit (OK, way) too much of? TV Guide calls 'em like we see 'em in our wacky Reality TV Awards. Did your favorites make the cut?
Roughest RidersThe men of American Chopper (Thursdays at 7 pm/ET, TLC) Mikey, Paul Senior and Junior build custom bikes — choppers — for stars, movies, Web sites and basically anyone who'll pay. Sometimes they're cool. Sometimes they're not (we still don't get Junior's green dream Web bike). But it's fun watching them fight their way through the process.
Fiercest BacheloretteTiffany Pollard of