Desperate Housewives is back for a seventh season, folks, and we've got ourselves a new Housewife. Vanessa Williams has joined the party, and she has a bit of a mean streak. Former neighbor Paul Young has returned, a free man, and surprisingly prison hasn't made him any less creepy... or treacherous. Susan is Fairview's own Donna Summer — she works hard for the money. Bree's new contractor has more than paint samples on his mind. Gaby and Carlos have dueling secrets. And Lynette, after giving birth to a basketball team, is too tired to defend her choices.
Susan
Finances on Wisteria Lane are much like they are in Brazil. You're either worrilessly affluent or down on Skid Row, which is where Mike and Susan Delfino have apparently just moved after a series of financial mishaps. (For the record, I guess that strip club wasn't much of a moneymaker after all, since they've sold it and they're still in the hole.)
The family moves into a modest apartment, where Susan meets their ebullient landlady Maxine (guest star Lainie Kazan). They chat over a cup of tea, and Maxine's eyes widen as she hears about the couple's money troubles. It seems that the kindly older woman is the proprietress of Va-Va-Va-Broom.com, a website on which ladies clean their house in front of a webcam wearing next to nothing while paying customers tune in to watch them. Susan is naturally appalled.
Mike is (finally!) feeling responsible for their financial straits, so he says he's going to go work on an Alaskan oil rig, where he can make three times what he makes in Fairview. Susan asks him to wait a month before he makes a decision. She tells him she has a feeling she's going to sell a lot of her ugly jewelry, which is code for: Va-va-va-broom!
Gaby
This season, the Solises will be doing something different: They'll be keeping secrets from each other. Just kidding! That's what they always do!
Thanks to Bree, Gaby is now burdened with the knowledge that it was Andrew who ran down Carlos' mother. Her reaction is characteristically self-centered. She can't tell Carlos because then he'd kill Andrew and go to prison, leaving Gaby alone to raise the kids. What a hassle!
Meanwhile, a cleanshaven Carlos finds out from his golfing buddy who works at the hospital that Juanita is the Wisteria kid who was switched at birth. He knows the news will devastate Gaby, so he threatens to sue the hospital if they don't quash the investigation immediately. Unfortunately, that train has left the station.
It's interesting that the kid-switch was revealed in the season's first episode. Desperate Housewives doesn't have the best track record when it comes to the pace at which it doles out information. It's either painfully slow (see: Betty Applewhite and Angie Bolen) or too quick (see: Dave Williams). For now, I think it'll be interesting to see these two try to outfox each other.
Lynette and Renee
Lynette's college roommate, Renee Perry (Williams), has come to visit. She's like a muted Wilhelmina Slater, the character Williams played on Ugly Betty, except she smiles. She and Lynette have a competitive friendship, in which hugs are exchanged just as freely as the insults. "Sheesh, you guys play rough," Gaby says.
Inevitably, one of Renee's jabs cuts too close to the bone and Lynette asks her to leave. That's when Renee comes clean. She's divorcing her pro-baseball-player husband because he was cheating on her. So she'll be sticking around Chez Scavo for a while.
Bree
Boo! Orson is leaving Bree, and he's shacking up with his physical therapist. Bree says she's going to "sit quietly for a while" instead of distracting herself with a project like she usually does. But then she catches glimpse of a loose corner of wallpaper, and before you know it, she's decided to remodel the house.
"What did you remove this wallpaper with — a puma?" asks Keith (Brian Austin Green), Bree's hunky new contractor. As they discuss paint-color choices, the subtext is clear. She says she's open to new ideas. He says he wants to do something bold. These two will be scrumping before Episode 3.
Paul Young
Paul Young is out of jail. It seems that Felicia Tilman (Harriet Sansom Harris), who faked her own death, has been caught in her lie and is herself now behind bars. Paul's lawyer asks him why he's returning to Wisteria Lane. He says that since none of Paul's neighbors supported him in his time of need, he wouldn't be surprised if he hated them just a little. "I don't hate them... a little," Paul says with his patented creepy squint. So, you know, Operation Wisteria Vengeance is on!
It's hardly a touching homecoming. Instead, the ladies of the Lane go from house to house expressing disbelief that Paul has been freed... and that he's renting Susan's house. He's an odd addition to the show, for he's both martyr and villain. He didn't kill the person he was accused of killing, but he did kill. It's unclear what his objective is, but he'd better get it done quickly because, back in prison, Felicia makes an announcement: "Paul Young will be dead within six months." What's that now? How is she going to do that from the big house? Well, she's not exactly. "Paul Young doesn't have friends on that street. I do," she tells her cellmate.
What did you think of the season premiere? Which story are you most interested in watching unfold — Renee's arrival on Wisteria Lane, Paul's plan for revenge, Susan's foray into online "entertainment," Bree's December-May romance, or the Solises' dueling secrets? And who do you think Felicia's allies on the Lane are?
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Desperate Housewives is back for a seventh season, folks, and we've got ourselves a new Housewife. Vanessa Williams has joined the party, and she has a bit of a mean streak. Former neighbor Paul Young has returned, a free man, and surprisingly prison hasn't made him any less creepy... or treacherous. Susan is Fairview's own Donna Summer — she works hard for the money. Bree's new contractor has more than paint samples on his mind. Gaby and Carlos have dueling secrets. And Lynette, after giving birth to a basketball team, is too tired to defend her choices.
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