Desperate Housewives Episodes

2004, TV Show

Desperate Housewives Episode: "Bargaining"

Season 5, Episode 21
Episode Synopsis: Bree hires a good lawyer and behaves badly to do it; Jackson (Gale Harold) pops back into Susan's life and pops a question; Tom and Lynette bargain for sex, while Dave does some bargaining of his own; Katherine plays dirty to win Mike; Gaby makes a deal with Juanita that tests her vanity.
Original Air Date: May 3, 2009

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Season 5, Episode 21
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Aired: 5/3/2009
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Desperate Housewives Episode Recap: "Bargaining" Season 5, Episode 21

Bargaining is the theme this week, Mary Alice says, but it's a tenuous one. Bree makes a deal with the devil, Katherine uses manipulation (and M.J.) to force the marriage issue with Mike, Tom and Lynette negotiate their sex life, Susan agrees to help Jackson, Gaby teaches her daughter a valuable lesson and Dave takes a new tack in his mission to murder Mike and/or Susan and/or Katherine and/or M.J. It's been going on for so long it's kind of hard to keep track.

MIKE and KATHERINE

Katherine consults the Wisteria Lane Parenting Handbook and decides it's a good idea to bribe M.J. with ice cream to get him to ask Mike why he hasn't asked her to get married. What's with the insane oversized bowls of oatmeal and ice cream in this scene? Who's the prop guy on the set — Pee-wee Herman? So M.J. raised the marriage question, but when Katherine asks Mike about the possibility herself, he says he doesn't see himself getting married again. This makes Katherine sad. She also asks Mike if he's still in love with Susan. He says no, but, well...

BREE

Bree is looking for a divorce lawyer, but her first choice, Walter Bergen, isn't sleazy enough, so... Karl Mayer to the rescue! As you all know, I love Karl and I find this particular pairing to be intriguing, especially since I'm hearing that Bree might get into Karl's legal briefs at some point in the future, ifuknowhutimsayin.

But there's a really weird catch: Karl asks Bree to get M.J. to invite Evan to his sleepover. Why Bree? Why doesn't he harass Susan about it? That always makes for a fun scene. Anyhow, Bree bribes M.J. with macaroons, and Karl takes the case, warning Bree like he's Darth Vader and it's time for Bree to embrace her dark side or something. "Boy, the stuff I do for macaroons!" M.J. says to the camera, and all of a sudden we're trapped in an episode of Full House. "You got it, dude!"

SUSAN

Jackson is back! Despite some intel to the contrary, Gale Harold has returned to the show, and I, for one, couldn't be happier that the actor is on his feet again after a serious motorcycle accident. He sneak-attacks Susan, and suggests dinner, at which he proposes to her! Putting aside for a second the fact that a) Susan cooked — eek! — and b) that she's sporting some serious cleavage (it's so prominent it's pronounced clee-VAJZH), it's sweet and sad to see Susan get so overwhelmed by his proposal that she interrupts him because she has to run upstairs to the bathroom to cry.

She confesses that she is so lonely, and that she always thought he had moved on so she didn't call him. Essentially, this speech is titled "I Made My Bed, and Then I Slept in It." But that was then. Now she declares her love for Jackson with a score-swelling moment that would be very touching if not for what happens next. Jackson needs her to marry him so he doesn't get deported. (Who knew Jackson was Canadian, eh?) This wrinkle obviously doesn't sit well. He brings her flowers, they talk, and then she agrees to help him. "No love, no sex, just marriage," Susan says. "No sex?" he asks. "You want it to look like a real marriage, don't you?" she snarks.

GABY

Juanita finds an old magazine with Gaby on the cover, and looks at it longingly. Shortly thereafter, Gaby gets a call from the principal because 6-year-old Juanita wore makeup to school so she could look like her mom. You see, some of her classmates told her she must be adopted because she's not pretty enough to be Gaby's daughter. (Ouch, kids are terrible!) Carlos and Gaby have a sweet talk with her about how beautiful she is, and that makeup isn't important.

To prove this, Carlos says that Gaby won't wear makeup to a dinner at which Carlos will receive the Latino Businessman of the Year Award (hasn't he only been a businessman again for, like, six months?). Gaby agrees, even though she thinks she looks like Carlos' "anemic lesbian sister." The audience shares a hearty laugh because Eva Longoria Parker, of course, looks flawless without makeup.

The mayor wants a picture with the Solises. "Oh, that's sweet," Gaby says. "Tell him no way in hell." She sneaks into the bathroom for cosmetic reinforcements. Unfortunately, the only woman who has makeup she can borrow ("Asian girl, close enough," she says, sizing up the crowd at the vanity) is a germ freak who doesn't like to share, especially with a woman who looks as sick as Gaby does — without makeup, ha-ha. So Gaby saves face with the flashbulbs, but not with Juanita. (Aside: Where the heck was Celia this week?)

At home, Gaby tells Juanita that it was hard being pretty because she didn't work on schoolwork, friendships, or her career. Poor you, Gaby. Anyhow, she wants Juanita to be brave and funny and creative, "to have the whole rich gooey center." Juanita asks when she can wear makeup. "You can wear makeup the day you realize you don't really need it," she says and then gives her daughter one of the sexiest winks ever.

LYNETTE

Tom and Lynette read a book that says you should have sex once a day for a month. So they do. First, it's on Lynette's desk while she's on a conference call with Carlos (Is it weird if I say that Lynette's cutesy squeals during desk sex were really funny?) Then Tom wakes a very tired Lynette for sex, but she falls asleep during the act and their 23-day streak is broken. Tom is mad the next morning because all she had to do is lie there — "like you usually do," he snipes. Lynette complains that for the last 23 days, she's "seen more ceiling than Michelangelo." Ultimately, they make up and Tom reveals that being a househusband is easy and boring, and that he's not passionate about anything but Lynette these days. Midlife crisis alert!

DAVE

Dave invites Susan and M.J. to go fishing on Bass Lake, but obviously this is yet another plan to kill this happy family. The Idiot Police are back with the news that they've finally ID'd Dr. Heller. But when Yellow Satan shows up on Susan's doorstep, they can't go because Susan is getting married. I couldn't be more bored with this storyline.

NEXT WEEK!

Karl wants Bree to rob her own house! Mike says he's stopping alimony! Tom wants to get a face-lift!

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Bargaining is the theme this week, Mary Alice says, but it's a tenuous one. Bree makes a deal with the devil, Katherine uses manipulation (and M.J.) to force the marriage issue with Mike, Tom and Lynette negotiate their sex life, Susan agrees to help Jackson, Gaby teaches her daughter a valuable lesson and Dave takes a new tack in his mission to murder Mike and/or Susan and/or Katherine and/or M.J. It's been going on for so long it's kind of hard to keep track.

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Premiered: October 03, 2004, on ABC
Rating: TV-PG
User Rating: (1,361 ratings)
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Premise: Following her suicide, Mary Alice Young keeps tabs on friends and family she left behind on bucolic suburban Wisteria Lane. But this being a prime-time soap (if a tongue-in-cheek one), they all harbor a sordid secret or two. Created by writer-producer Marc Cherry (a 'Golden Girls' alum), 'Housewives' was an instant hit and a frequent contender on Emmy night .

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