Hey, Mary Alice! What's Sunday's episode of Desperate Housewives about? "Everyone has something they want to keep hidden," she says. Orson is hiding his role in Edie's death. Lynette and Tom are hiding their respective perceptions of infidelity. And Dave is still hiding his true intentions when it comes to Mike, Katherine, Susan and now... M.J.?
AT THE HOSPITAL
Meet Rose Kemper, who Mary Alice tells us is a survivor, but who we know is the lady who whacked Orson over the head with a baseball bat when he was trying to steal her knick-knacks. She has a heart attack after the incident, and Katherine visits her in the hospital. Rose is kind of batty (see what I did there?), so when she tells Katherine that Death himself came for her, but that she chased him away, and that he went and took Edie Britt instead, Katherine is naturally a little skeptical.
Orson is in the hospital as well because of the aforementioned Louisville slug. He told the doctor that he tripped and hit his head on the curb, which is obviously a totally fishy story, and the doctor knows it. Bree is hesitant about his return home, since, you know, he's a klepto now, but — good news! —Orson has decided to be happy, so everything will be fine. "I hope so," Bree says ominously. "I can't take any more lying." Can you guess what happens next?
Before Orson deals with Bree, though, he still has to clear up this whole Rose Kemper mess, since she saw him without his ski mask. He very easily convinces their shared doctor that Rose has dementia, and just like that, the doctor is shipping her off to a nursing home. Poor Rose!
But Orson has an unseen obstacle as well: Andrew, who tells Bree that he doesn't think that Orson can change, and that he's going to have a divorce lawyer on standby. "I did not raise you to be bitchy," Bree lectures. "No, you raised me to be passive-aggressive; the bitchiness was self-taught," he snarks.
Back at the hospital, on the day Orson is being released, Katherine tells Bree Mrs. Kemper's story about the Grim Reaper trying to steal her knick-knacks. Bree obviously recognizes "Death" as Orson, and in short order she's standing on Andrew's doorstep with this news: Orson is lying and she has to divorce him.
Housewives has one of the strongest ensemble casts on TV right now. As such, it's fun to watch the writers mix up the batting order a bit, and see how many odd couplings they can make. Along those lines, tonight's episode is like a John Updike novel up in here. To wit:
LYNETTE and CARLOS
"What's that look on your face? Did you eat dairy again?" Lynette asks. Heh, no, actually, Tom has been working out, but Lynette doesn't notice because she's been working so hard that she's exhausted when she gets home — too pooped to pop. "Ooo, whining, that's hot," Lynette says when Tom begs for sex as a last resort. It's revealed that Lynette took a shower in Carlos' private bathroom in the office (why, we're not sure), and this bugs Tom because he's kind of a caveman like that.
But wait until he finds out what happened the next morning! Carlos shows up at Casa Scavo to pick up his carpool buddy, Lynette, who is still in the shower because of some plot device about an early meeting and a missed text message. Doesn't matter really. In her haste, she slips in the shower. Fortunately, Carlos is there to pick her up and move her to the bed. She's fine, but, you know, eeek, Carlos saw her naked. "I only do one show a day," she says, when she asks Carlos to leave the room so she can change.
GABY and TOM
Gaby joins the garden club for some unknown reason this week. Is it because there are "hot, shirtless gardeners with nice abs and learner's permits?" Lynette asks, a nice nod to Gaby's adulterous past with hottie hedge-trimmer John Rowland (who might be returning to the show, by the way). Well, no, she joined for the bitchin' and boozin', but ever since Edna the flower fascist took over, they actually go out and plant things, and that is not to Gaby's liking. So she stages a coup, bringing in Tom as the 13th, tie-breaking member.
And the coup is successful. At the first Gaby-sponsored meeting of the garden club, the blender is whirring and Patty Rizzo (who has red spiky hair, which is TV shorthand for whore) is feeling up the same guns that Lynette couldn't be bothered with earlier. Gaby observes the interaction, and warns Tom that Patty is bad news, that she has a thing for married men. Then she tells him that he's a small-F friend and Lynette is her big-F Friend, so she needs to look out for her girl. "Screw you... and that's with a big F," is Tom's reply to Gaby's overeager imagination.
THE DINNER PARTY
Awkwardly, the Solises and Scavos have dinner together, where they toast to friendship! In short order, the gorgonzola hits the fan and all their secrets come out: Tom finds out that Carlos saw Lynette naked. Carlos finds out that Lynette showered in his office. Lynette finds out that Patty Rizzo has been attending Tom's gun show. "You should be on antibiotics just for sitting in her car," Lynette reports.
"It's amazing how fast you can eat in total silence," Carlos says of the previous night's dinner-party disaster. But it's clear that things are Kool and the Gang between Carlos and Lynette the next day at work. He says it's cool that she and Tom have been married a long time and still get jealous. When Lynette says she's still embarrassed about falling in the Tub, Carlos is all: "You got nothin' to be embarrassed about" in a kinda-pervy way that I hope isn't leading anywhere. Writers? I'm warning you!
Gaby apologizes to Tom for not trusting him. Tom admits that he likes getting attention from skanks because he feels invisible around Lynette these days. Gaby says she felt the same way when she cheated. Tom concludes that it's a good thing he's got a friend around to keep an eye on him. "I'm thirsty; let's start a book club," Gaby suggests to her new buddy. I love reading!
DAVE and SUSAN and MIKE and KATHERINE
As I mentioned last week, Dave has taken a break from murderous rampage to mourn, and his (perfectly normal under the circumstances) behavior concerns the ladies of Wisteria Lane because they're not all up in his business for once. They bring casseroles and ring the bell, but it's clear that Yellow Satan would like to be alone.
Mike tries the guy-time angle, but Dave is still pretty resistant. Mike passes the baton to Susan, who brings him food that she didn't cook. "Let me help you," she pleads. He invites her in, and tells her that he's going to sell the house and put the money in a trust for Travers. "Everything that mattered to me is gone; the future is the last thing I'm thinking about," he says. So you can understand why, when Susan sees a gun just lying out in the open, that she might think he's suicidal.
She takes her obscenely oversized picnic basket and gathers up anything in the house that Dave might use to hurt himself: knives, the gun, prescription medicine, belts, ties... As luck would have it, she gets pulled over, and is promptly arrested for her illegal parcel.
Katherine tells Mike she doesn't want to live with regrets, and that she wants to be honest with him. "After all," she says, "you're the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." Cut to Mike's Scooby-Doo "Ruh-roh" face!
Later that day, presumably after posting bail, she returns the stolen belts and ties to Dave. (The police kept the rest.) Dave confesses that he and Edie had a fight that night, a bad one. "I came home, we argued, she stormed out, got in her car and died," he says.
Then Susan confesses that she was actually driving the car in that accident with the Dash mother and daughter all those years ago. "I want you to understand that Edie's death was an awful tragedy; it was not your fault," Susan says. Dave goes in for a legitimate-looking hug, but his tragic-widower face slowly moved into a pretty good seething killer face. Next, we see him out on the Lane, and the creepy murderer is back: "You can't play in the street, M.J. You could get hurt, and that would really tear your mom apart," he says.
What did you think of "Rose's Turn"? Was it fun to see the cast mix it up? How will Dave target M.J.? And who will figure it all out now that Edie's gone?
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Hey, Mary Alice! What's Sunday's episode of Desperate Housewives about? "Everyone has something they want to keep hidden," she says. Orson is hiding his role in Edie's death. Lynette and Tom are hiding their respective perceptions of infidelity. And Dave is still hiding his true intentions when it comes to Mike, Katherine, Susan and now... M.J.? Read the full recap after the jump.