This week on Desperate Housewives, Susan's boss taught her a lezzin', Lynette "went to work" for Gaby, Bree did her best to cover Orson's tracks, and Edie dug up some (but not quite enough) dirt on Dave. I'm Matt Mitovich, your guestcapper.
Will Susan Be Jessie's Girl?
Susan's making a go of it in her job as an art teacher's assistant at MJ's private school, trying to be "creative" in her lesson plans. Alas, her boss (guest star Swoosie Kurtz) is not impressed by her "crayons-on" approach. Parents spend $22K to send their kids here, Jessie explains, so the kids need to come home with "adorable" things Dad can put on his desk. After a blunt warning from one of the kids about her short-lived predecessor, Susan decides she needs to make Jessie warm up to her.
Oh, and warm up she does. Invited over for drinks, Susan manages to give Jessie the wrong impression, talking of how Mike made her "swear off men," and raving about Jessie's (admittedly impressive, you go, Swoosie!) non-schoolmarm figure. Much, much wine later, the ladies call it a night, at which point Jessie kisses Susan at the door.
A most amusing scene follows where Susan asks Lynette, Lee and Gaby for their take on her "date." "Was it an old-fashioned American kiss, or the far superior French kind?" Lynette asks. Finally, Gaby plants two varying degrees of kisses on Susan to confirm which kind she got, and I'm just glad the writers didn't have Lee spout some sort of, "That nearly turned me straight!" line. Because there is something to be said for Eva Longoria kissing Teri Hatcher.
Ultimately, Susan tells Jessie's she doesn't swing that way, this despite her choice in combat boots. Jessie questions Susan on her preference — in front of their students — in a funny metaphorical comparison of beautiful gazelles versus sweaty rhinos. "I like rhinos, too," one boy remarks. "We know," says Jessie. "We've seen you play hopscotch at recess." Jessie later pities herself for feeling so alone that she's throwing herself at straight women. Susan makes her feel better by noting what they have in common, and stressing the importance of friendships. As the scene ends, I want Jessie to move to Wisteria Lane and be a new regular.
Gaby, Carlos and Lynette
Gabrielle, Mary Alice tells us, loathes funerals. Black isn't her color, for one, plus she hates not being the center of attention. The funeral for Carlos' conveniently murdered boss, though, proves to be an exception, because it results in Carlos landing a plum promotion — to Bradley's position! Gaby conspicuously and giddily beams amid the mourners.
Carlos sets out assembling his team, and first among his hires is Lucy, an old flame of his. Gaby cries foul ... until Lucy shows on their doorstep. Seeing that Carlos' ex isn't rail-thin or glam, Gabrielle breathes easy. For a moment. Soon enough, though, she worries that the same passion for life/work that drew Carlos into Lucy's bed years ago will entice him yet again. This leads Gab to reconsider Lynette's bid to be Carlos' director of marketing.
Now, let's rewind a bit to Lynette first expressing her interest in the marketing job. Moments earlier, it was met with near-laughter by Gaby, in what was an oddly cold scene. These ladies have been friends for so long, yet Gabrielle has no awareness of or at least a polite appreciation of Lynette's job skills? Wha? Yes, I know Gaby is the self-centered one in the group, but that exchange screamed plot device.
At least it gave us a subsequent job-hunt scene where Lynette, competing against catty young things who believe that anyone older than 35 in this biz needs to be shot behind the shed, tries to dodge interview questions about her age. It turns out the guy wants mature (to work a wrinkle-cream account), so Lynette lies upward, claiming she's 54. In the next scene, we learn she's 43, and Tom is 41. Fun, random "facts" for the Housewives fan.
That job offer lets Lynette squeeze Gabrielle for an extra $20K when she courts her to work for Carlos. Lynette soon realizes she is meant to spy on Carlos and Lucy, but arrives at a certain peace with that set-up — if only because the gig pays $100K a year.
Bree and Orson
Upon learning that a candy dish of Susan's has gone missing, Bree confronts Orson about "why this insanity is still going on" — and she doesn't mean this weak storyline. The two wind up at a psychologist's office, where we privately learn that Orson enjoys his "hobby" because it's something his control-freak wife cannot control. Bree sets out to discreetly return each pilfered knick-knack until she errantly places Mrs. McCluskey's Sleeping Mexican figurine in the Solis' front hall. (Profile much?! Gaby even notes that she and Carlos always found the item racist whenever Juanita coveted it.) Gaby accuses Juanita of taking it, then punishes her by canceling her birthday party — all while Bree looks on, guilt-ridden. The look on Juanita's face when Bree failed to 'fess up? Forget about Dave storming the cul de sac with a machete; Juanita is the one I'm nightmaring about now!
Speaking of Crazy Dave....
AKA Yellow Satan, as ol' Mickey calls him: Edie visits the Mount Pleasant newspaper office, where she learns that Dave Dash's wife and daughter were killed years ago in a car accident. Too late, however, the newspaper staffer turns up a related article on how Mike was never charged in the crash. Instead, Dave seems to earn Edie's sympathy by talking in a circle about a "friend" who lost his daughter too soon. Dave then undoes a snag in his dastardly plan by making Katherine reconsider bailing on the camping trip.
Before the credits roll, Dave, Mike and Katherine drive away to destination/devastation unknown, as Mary Alice talks of hidden agendas ... and we get a glimpse of Gaby in perhaps-too-snug workout pants.
My favorite lines and moments:
• Lynette to her young job rivals: "Do me a favor? If you hear a gunshot, tell my kids I love them."
• Bree to Orson: "Stealing a ceramic duck gives you a thrill?!" Then, moments later, Bree not leaving her purse unattended with Orson.
• Dave to Mike: "I went a little crazy at the camping supplies store." Oh, you had us at "a little crazy."
• Mike: "Katherine wasn't part of the original plan." Dave: "No, she wasn't." My wife, next to me on the couch: "Cuckoo!"
• Lynette's advice to Susan: "She's your boss? Let her kiss you again and then sue her!"
• Gaby, as Lynette asks for a favor: "Oh, I'm flattered but I only did that [girl-girl kiss] to help Susan out."
• Lynette re: Gaby's non-help on the job front: "That's it - fourth shrug, I'm out!"
• Carlos: "You're not going to see [Lucy] on a runway." Gaby: "Maybe at an airport."
• Bree calling cinnamon "close enough" to cumin!
• Bree re: Orson's latest theft: "You're telling me you own a mug with a picture of Bernadette Peters in Gypsy?"
• Lynette bummed that the interviewer didn't question her "54."
• Jessie: "You're worried there's a lesbian inside of you trying to get out." Susan: "Actually, I'm more worried about the lesbian outside of me try to get in." Bawdy!
• Dave to Katherine: "If he ever lost you, it would destroy him." And ... cue thunderclap.
• Um, a $22K-per-year private school doesn't have white boards or smart boards in the classroom?
• Gaby re: Lynette's accusation that she hired her as a spy: "How dare you - and yes I did!"
• Gaby: "I've played poker with you for nine years. I can tell when you're bluffing." Yeah, you just don't know if she's good at her job or not.
• Dave telling Edie, "I had this friend who had a little girl.... She was his whole life.... She was in an accident and died.... He spent the rest of his life in a daze.... No, I don't think I'd want a child. Just not worth it."
• Bree to the shrink: "You'll see when he leaves and your lamp is missing!"
This week on Desperate Housewives
, Susan's boss taught her a lezzin', Lynette "went to work" for Gaby, Bree did her best to cover Orson's tracks, and Edie dug up some (but not quite enough) dirt on Dave. I'm Matt Mitovich, your guestcapper.
Will Susan Be Jessie's Girl?
Susan's making a go of it in her job as an art teacher's assistant at MJ's private school, trying to be "creative" in her lesson plans. Alas, her boss (guest star Swoosie Kurtz) is not impressed by her "crayons-on" approach. Parents spend $22K to send their kids here, Jessie explains, so the kids need to come home with "adorable" things ...