Dancing with the Stars

2005, TV Show

Dancing with the Stars Episode: "Dancing With the Stars"

Season 12, Episode 13
Episode Synopsis: The seventh-round results show.
Original Air Date: May 3, 2011

Dancing with the Stars Episode Recap: Tuesday, May 3, 2011 Season 12, Episode 13

It's double-up week and everything's topsy turvy! Last week's top scorers (Romeo and Chelsie) got the lowest marks this week, and the lowest scorers last week of the remaining teams (Ralph and Karina) tied for the highest score! Can this results show possible live up to the wildness of the raw numbers?

The show opens with the repeat performance. Len asks to see the team dance from Chelsie and so we're treated to a slightly slowed-down version of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." Unlike on Glee, they didn't remove the "No matter gay, straight or bi" line. Good thing because everyone's fittingly light in the loafers.

We see some backstage interviews from Hines and Kirstie. Hines can't believe he's still here. At the end of last night's performance, he "almost did a split," but since this isn't Horseshoeing with the Stars, almost doesn't count.

Kirstie, meanwhile, had the time of her life dancing. She just wishes she could marry the time of her life with the dance of her life. My prescription: try carrying a watermelon and then practicing lifts in the water.

As we wait to hear who's safe, the aforementioned couples are lined up onstage. Maksim pats Kirstie's head and we see a hilarious split-second of her flailing — I had to rewind it to make sure she wasn't seizing.

First safe couple:
Hines and Kym

Kirstie and Maks are still in jeopardy.

Backstage, Brooke asks Maksim how he'll cope with having to two new dances next week. "I don't know, but we are all witness to this," he says gesturing to Kirstie. That may seem vague; I like to think of it more as a grand unifying theory for viewers of this show. Being witness to Kirstie shows us we aren't really alone.

Then Nicki Minaj takes the stage in a green wig that's so faded, it looks like the result of disenchantment from the Manic Panic she once believed in. She performs "Moment for Life," and so we once again get to hear about her sprinkling holy water on the vampire. Pretty cool and up to date with pop cultural trends! She is wearing a bustier encrusted with gold costume jewelry on top of jeans. I think when you're a pop star, that counts as business casual. Her rapping is fine, but her singing is, as always when she enters the live arena, shaky. She kind of just gets quiet when she gets to the hook. How merciful! The performance isn't a bit energetic on her part, which kind of makes sense since the song is full of gravitas. But it also doesn't make sense because, hello, she's an entertainer on TV. If she wanted to phone it in, she could have just Skyped. Anyway, the upside of all of this is that perhaps for the first time since signing her record deal, she gets through an entire performance without scowling once.

Then we see a "brand new feature that shines a spotlight on how dance changes lives." We meet the lovely Patricia Zhou, the newest member for the Royal Ballet of London. Her parents initially wanted her to be a doctor or a lawyer and not a dancer, but look at her, being ludicrously successful. "She's on her way to becoming the Michael Jordan of ballet," says one of her superiors, and her mother says without smiling, "Underachiever! I reject that!" Just kidding. She's super proud. Patricia performs to Priscilla Ahn's three-year-old "Dream." The music, provided solely by Priscilla and her arpeggiated guitar, sounds like a clean and sober Mazzy Star slow dancing with Norah Jones.

Then it's time for Ralph, Karina, Chelsea and Mark to learn their fate. But first, there's a little confrontation from Mark over Len's scoring. Len doesn't know what he's on about because Chelsea and Mark got an 8 from him, and he didn't give a higher score all night. Len wonders if it's youth that causes Mark to act like this. It's like Will Smith said at the start of his rapping career: Dancing with the Stars judges just don't understand.

Next safe couple:
Ralph and Karina

Chelsea and Mark are in jeopardy.

As we near hearing the fate of the remaining couples, we hear from Romeo backstage that he missed a day this week because he's promoting a movie, which he then promotes for real by dropping its name. That's proof he didn't need to take off — it's doubtful that he'll have a wider audience than Dancing with the Stars. It may have come too late, but at least he solved his own problem eventually.

To celebrate what would have been the 78th birthday James Brown, we have Wayne Brady singing James Brown songs. What a nice gift! Thank you Dancing with the Stars! (Did you happen to keep the receipt?) Wayne is so timid singing "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" that he instantly identifies himself as the wrong person to be paying such a tribute. Ugh, and then the launches into "I Got the Feeling" and his yelp is positively pathetic. James Brown is rolling over and doing one-legged drops in his grave. "Sex Machine" is next, but it's more a sad machine. This is the community theater version of Rock of Ages if Rock of Ages had a James Brown medley.

After some real talk at tables in black rooms from the competitors on their uncertainty, we get James "You're Beautiful" Blunt singing "I'll Be Your Man." You know, for a one-hit wonder, he's awfully enduring. The song is strummy and up tempo but nothing even someone from another planet where they only have left feet would mistake as dance music (it's actually very similar to "Faith" by George Michael, and it was my understanding that he was our man). That doesn't stop the dancers on the floor form shaking themselves into a frenzy. I think they're overcompensating.

Next safe couple:
Romeo and Chelsie

Kendra and Louis join Chelsea, Mark, Kirstie and Maksim in jeopardy. Len tells Kirstie she needs to be more consistent. (And no spaghetti arms!) Kendra's a late bloomer, while Chelsea's one of the most talented girls on the show and he'll be shocked if she's not still on this show.

Next safe couple:
Kirstie and Maks

After some more foot-dragging, Tom announces that it is Kendra who is going home. Brooke points out the irony of Kendra leaving just as she's gaining her confidence. Kendra thanks everyone and is relieved to go home: "I'm not the best dancer, but I am the best mom." Perhaps her child will one day write a tell-all that will allow us to verify that claim.

What do you think about Kendra's elimination: bitterly ironic or 'bout time?

 

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It's double-up week and everything's topsy turvy! Last week's top scorers (Romeo and Chelsie) got the lowest marks this week, and the lowest scorers last week of the remaining teams (Ralph and Karina) tied for the highest score! Can this results show possible live up to the wildness of the raw numbers?

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Premiered: June 01, 2005, on ABC
Rating: TV-PG
User Rating: (3,558 ratings)
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Premise: Celebrities are paired with professionals in a ballroom-dance competition, with one pair typically eliminated each week.

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