Dancing with the Stars

2005, TV Show

Dancing with the Stars Episode: "Dancing With the Stars"

Season 12, Episode 16
Episode Synopsis: In the ninth week of performances, the four remaining couples perform three dances, including one ballroom routine, one Latin routine and a cha-cha.
Original Air Date: May 16, 2011

Dancing with the Stars Episode Recap: Monday, May 16, 2011 Season 12, Episode 16

Dancing with the Stars' final four duke it out for the final three with three routines, while Kym Johnson tries to overcome her neck injury. Plus: Who got the season's first perfect score?

Is Brooke wearing Saran Wrap? Anyway, if you haven't heard, the injury curse has struck for the second week in a row. Kym injured her neck Friday, but has been cleared to dance. And bonus: They will exploit her injury by showing it! But first, Round 1 of three, the last of which is a Winner-Takes-All Cha-Cha worth 15 points.

Round 1

Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff: Argentine tango
Ralph's knee is sore, but he's powering through. His knee hurts during the Argentine tango and he can't get the hip-hop, coolness of the salsa down. ("Too white," Karina says) so she gives him butt booster underwear. Am I the only one who didn't know these existed? Anyhow, they start off in chairs and Ralph's hair is unkempt. Sexy! Not quite as sexy is the routine itself. It's technically proficient, though some of his hooks and footwork seem too loose, but there's no passion at all between them.  Maybe he needs his magic mascara again? Len says it lacked smolder, but he loves the set-up. Bruno says something was stirring when he was "stroking the lamppost." Not a euphemism. But he says it was too flat of an interpretation. Carrie Ann is glad he's dancing again and agrees with Bruno.
Score: 25

Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Viennese waltz
Check out Maks' neon kicks! He's pushing Kirstie and unloads on her when she messes up a step, causing her to walk out in tears. Oh, the drama! Of course, they're fine, because that's just how they are. I must say, Kirstie looks great in periwinkle — and on the floor. She's smooth and elegant, and her arm extensions are gorgeous. There's something really earnest about all of her dances that you can't help but love them. Bruno says she was on a crest of a wave. Carrie Ann says they were tight the whole way through. Len admits he thought she would be a Klingon hanging onto Maks, but proved him wrong. Yay for backhanded compliments!
Score: 27

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas: Argentine tango
Chelsea really wants those 15 points from the cha-cha, but Mark wants her to focus on getting pissed in the A.T. Um, first off, if that slit on Chelsea's dress was any higher, we'd be at the OB-GYN. Holy crap. There's not much anger emanating from her, but it's not as emotionally detached as Ralph's routine. The lifts are beautiful, but her footwork is a little too soft here and there. Carrie Ann says it wasn't up to par. Len says her legs lacked authority, but says it was clean. Bruno says she played it well. "It was like watching Sharon Stone out there," he growls. In more ways than one. Meanwhile, Mark plays it nice backstage about the judges' comments. Looks like someone has learned his lesson.
Score: 28

Hines Ward and Kym Johnson: Argentine tango
Injury time! Kym wants to do lifts she's never done before to step up their game. "If you've never done it and I've never done it, it might not get done," Hines forebodingly says. He tries to swing her through his legs, but ends up falling on top of her while her neck is bent. She lays on the floor a bit, crying that she can't feel her arms. She's, obviously, now fine. Looks like Kym's the one who borrowed from the Edyta Sliwinska: Skimpy Collection this week. If you had just tuned in now, you would never guess that Kym had suffered a serious neck injury. No crazy flip, but the lifts, hooks, kicks, holds and lines are sublime. Their chemistry is off the charts and it's hands down the sultriest Argentine tango of all three. They both start crying after it's over. Len borders on Bruno-esque crazy raving about the kama sutra-like legs. Bruno says something about sex. Carrie Ann is happy Kym is OK and loves the way Hines supported her. They get the first perfect 30 of the season!
Score: 30

Round 2
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff: salsa

Time for family testimonials! It's sickeningly adorable Ralph has known his wife since they were 15.  Moral of the (Macchio) story: Guy's committed. And he's committed to this headscratcher of a routine. Karina is in a leopard catsuit. 'Nuff said. The black spots makes it look like she took a dump in her pants. I guess the feline theme is apt since they're both going ferociously crazy with the shaking. Is there any choreography in this thing at all? Good to see Ralph having fun, but still. There's something uncontrolled about it. Len says there was no rhythm. Bruno says he was too rough on his "pussycat" -- without the "cat." Carrie Ann, oddly, likes it.
Score: 23
Total: 48


Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Paso doble
Of course, John Travolta and Kelly Preston are talking about Kirstie. She opens up about her cocaine addiction in her twenties, her obesity and, as her son, True Parker says, proving everybody wrong. You gotta admit, her transformation has been awesome. Kirstie must be loving taking out her anger on Maks here. She's dynamic, precise and combative, though not all-out aggressive. Her footwork is still a little off now and then, but overall, it's powerful, strong, and her frame is great. Bruno calls it the Wrath of Kirstie. Carrie Ann says she's the queen of the paso doble. How many superlatives is she getting tonight? Len says she had the two toughest dances and she danced fabulously.
Score: 27
Score: 54


Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas: rumba
Jordin Sparks used to be in a theater group with Chelsea in Scottsdale, Ariz. Who knew? Joe Jonas, sporting a porn 'stache and half dozing off, says he's not surprised she made it to the semis. Could you be less interested? Clearly, Chelsea's all about the slits tonight. This is slightly better than her Argentine tango. She's connected, fluid, fully extended and has some nice hip action. It's hot, but it's not totally seductive and sensuous like a true rumba. Carrie Ann says she had full range of motion. Len says she fulfilled her potential. Bruno calls it a hypnotizing sequence of stunning shapes.
Score: 30
Total: 58

Hines Ward and Kym Johnson: salsa
Hines' mother is adorable! He says being biracial (black and Korean) was tough in school until he started playing football. Omar Epps, I mean, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, touts Hines' work ethic and drive, which he learned from his mother. There's some maypole dancing in this, but you can't deny that Hines, like Kirstie, is a joy to watch. He's got swining' hip action, spunk, and is bouncing from step to step. Kym, smartly, nixes all the insane flips she wanted to do before. Len loves it. Bruno tells him he's beautiful and "supremely watchable." Carrie Ann can't describe how happy she is when she watches him dance.
Score: 30
Total: 60

Winner Takes All Cha-Cha
So here's how this works: There are two heats (1st place vs. 4th place; 2nd place vs. 3rd place) and the winner of each heat will face off in the Instant cha-cha, which they must prep in one commercial break. Sadistic!

First Heat: Hines and Kym vs. Ralph and Karina
Should we even bother? We all know Hines' hip action and Latin rhythm is miles better than Ralph's, but the Karate Kid acquits himself very well with some lightning-quick footwork. All three judges agree Ralph raised his game.
Winner: Hines and Kym (unanimously)

Second Heat: Chelsea and Mark vs. Kirstie and Maks
Chelsea's technically the better dancer, but Kirstie's the better entertainer. Remember, the cha-cha was her big coming out party in Week 1. So it's whatever floats your boat.
Winner: Chelsea and Mark (unanimously)

In the celeb-quarium, Brook reveals that their music is Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" and tells Hines, the top scorer, that he can call the coin toss. He calls tails. It's heads (with Len's head on it, natch), and Brooke tells Hines to choose. Uh, doesn't work like that, hon. But more importantly, if Len is "heads," what's "tails"? Bruno?

Final Heat: Hines and Kym vs. Chelsea and Mark
I don't know about you, but they're basically regurgitating (most of) their previous moves, no? Chelsea and Mark at least seems to have added a little more new content. The judges praise both of them for stringing together routines in less than four minutes.
Winner: Chelsea and Mark (unaminously)

That brings Chelsea and Mark's total to 73. Meanwhile, Ralph and Karina are way on the bottom with 48.

What do you think? Has Chelsea secured herself a spot in the final? Can Ralph make up that humongous deficit? Did you like the Winner Takes All Cha-Cha? Should they have shown Kym's injury? Will Maks ever stop pinching Tom's butt? How did Brooke mess up a coin toss? Who do you think will make the final?

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Dancing with the Stars' final four duke it out for the final three with three routines, while Kym Johnson tries to overcome her neck injury. Plus: Who got the season's first perfect score?
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Premiered: June 01, 2005, on ABC
Rating: TV-PG
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Premise: Celebrities are paired with professionals in a ballroom-dance competition, with one pair typically eliminated each week.

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