CSI: Miami Episodes

2002, TV Show

CSI: Miami Season 5 episodes

May 14, 2007: Y? Season 5, Episode 24

Well, it was no, “We’re going to Brazil.” In fact, it didn’t even feel like a season finale. Where was the cliff-hanger? Where was the oh-my-god moment? It’s a sad indicator of the state of CSI: Miami when the scariest aspects of an episode are the fashions. Was there ever a more disturbing haircut than that sported by Mama Wade? And was Ryan wearing a pseudo-Members Only jacket? It’s depressing, really, because this one had potential. In the end, both Lucas and Lindsay Wade were murderers. She killed their other sister by pushing her down the stairs when they were all children, and everyone blamed little Lucas because he was supposedly genetically predisposed to violence. He took this to heart, and as an adult just started murdering women. Because it was her fault that Lucas did this, Lindsay decided to kill another woman to get her brother off the hook. Oh, and back in his corrupt traffic-cop days, Ryan pulled Lucas over, but had no reason to suspect... read more

May 7, 2007: Cry, Wolfe Season 5, Episode 23

Here comes the new Wolfe, same as the old Wolfe. Talk about giving someone the benefit of the doubt. After the list of grievances Calleigh gave early in the episode (just to add to my list from last week), it turned out that all Ryan needed to do was admit the error of his ways while he was live on the air, and subsequently apologize directly to Horatio. If only everyone were so forgiving.The crime was a vehicle to serve up Ryan’s redemption, and as such, was mostly a yawner. As always, for those who missed it, the carjacker, Jim, wasn’t actually a carjacker. Sherry, the “victim,” was getting paid by his brother to get him out to her car so that said brother could shoot him, on orders from the drug lord. When Jim discovered his brother’s duplicity, the two got into a fistfight on Jim’s boat, during which Jim was knocked overboard. The drug lord decided that he’d rather have Jim dead than discover where the missing kilos of heroin were. Oh, and Hora... read more

April 30, 2007: I Fell into a Burning Ring of Fire Season 5, Episode 22

Let’s get the simple stuff out of the way first: Everyone was guilty of something. Claire dumped the gasoline to frame Anthony (her ex-boyfriend), who then sent Ron Cramer after her anyway, and Ron accidentally created the catalyst for the fire to start. Oh, and Ryan got fired for owing money to Michael Lipton. (Sidenote: I have a good family friend named Michael Lipton. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where a TV character has the same name as Homer? That’s how exciting this was for me.) However, before we get into Ryan’s misdeeds, I find it necessary to point out that not only is there no way this could have taken place in under 24 hours (how could the house have cooled enough to let in people without fire suits?), police departments have special arson units who deal with these kinds of cases. The CSIs would not be involved to the degree that they were.For a show that isn’t really into thematic cohesion, I was pleasantly surprised to find one major symboli... read more

April 23, 2007: Marriage, Revisited Season 5, Episode 21

I knew this episode was headed somewhere fun when our opening Horatio-ism was, “Welcome… to the divorce… of the future.” After I stopped laughing, I considered the fact that we had already seen a house with lasers, Kelly Carlson with a chainsaw, and a personal trainer named Mandi. What more does one need in a pre-credits sequence? Nothing, that’s what.As always, for those who might have missed the big reveal, Hank and Laurie jointly killed Hank’s lawyer when they realized that he stole everything from their safe-deposit box and also got the deed to their house. In fact, in what passes for an ironic twist, they stabbed him with their wedding-cake knife. Much as I love Kelly Carlson, her Laurie was just an older, married and somehow slightly less screwed-up version of Kimber from Nip/Tuck. Not that there’s anything wrong with sticking with what works. On the other hand, Rachel Quaintance certainly shied away from type as a supremely bitchy female di... read more

April 16, 2007: They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab Season 5, Episode 20

When Law & Order does ripped-from-the-headlines, it is so stunningly similar to real events that the disclaimers at the beginning and end seem superfluous. When CSI: Miami does the same, they take three weeks worth of Us Weekly, stick it in a blender, and see which elements survive. It makes me recall the Paris-Nicole rip-off from last year, where one of the girls ended up electrocuted in the tub by her assistant.What did we have this week? The actor from a podunk town made into a sex symbol (I’m going to pick Ashton Kutcher on this one), the starlet who goes into rehab though she’s not actually addicted to anything (Lohan with a twist), and um, Britney Spears (renamed “Elvina”). But you know what? It kind of worked for me.As always, for those of you who fell asleep before the end, it was the first person interviewed, Eddie Cabbott, who killed Brody Lasseter. Why would Eddie kill his best friend from Podunk, PA? Turns out that Brody had just confessed that ... read more

April 9, 2007: Little Big Caine Season 5, Episode 19

Just to get this out of the way, was there ever a more nonsensical piece of dialogue than, “Harassment is not without its consequences/My team thrives on consequences”? I’m serious. What does that mean? How can one thrive on consequences?I have to admit to being slightly uncomfortable with this episode. Did we really have to have a Native American scalping someone as retribution? Granted, this Doug Lansing fellow did not seem to be the most altruistic person, but… scalping? For those of you who might have fallen asleep before the end, the murderer did end up being the very first person the CSIs talked to: the room-service attendant, who did it because he was 1/16 Native American.I do have to point out that O’Shay is a pretty brilliant evil mastermind. While in the end the Doug Lansing murder had nothing to do with him, he still managed to get Reggie Venton and his wife out of the picture by having a common thief sneak into Anna’s house to steal her bla... read more

March 19, 2007: Nature's Clones Season 5, Episode 18

Just take a moment and imagine how awesome it would have been had the CBS promos department not totally ruined the twist on this episode? When Beth Selby (aka Leslie Bibb No. 3) showed up 15 minutes before the end, it was less than shocking. Nevertheless, I was thoroughly creeped out.The whole conceit is kind of disturbing (if not downright unhygienic!): triplets who exchange everything in their lives to the point where they’re really all living one life. You marry one (Ashley), impregnate the next (Beth) and get killed by the last one (Kayla) — all without ever knowing the difference. To Dominic Whitford’s credit, the sisters Ashley, Kayla and Beth did not seem to have any discernible differences in personality, though to be fair, one could argue that Beth seemed the most distinct, in that she seemed to actually care about another human being, and was generally more nervous than the other two. Leslie Bibb did an admirable job portraying all three, even if it didn... read more

February 26, 2007: But He Stole My Pic-a-nic Basket Season 5, Episode 17

OK, let’s work this one out together. Of the three men on the “mancation” — sidenote: has anyone in the history of anything ever called a vacation a mancation? Or am I tragically unhip? — the one who wasn’t Dennis or Rob (but whose name I never caught) killed Tess, and Dennis killed the bodyguard Rocko. Then he got nervous and wanted to call the cops, so Rob and not-Rob smeared Dennis’ vest with vanilla bought from the man from Deliverance so that the only grizzly bear living in the Everglades could maul Dennis. Everyone got it so far? Then, it turns out that Tess was only at the hotel in the first place because Anna had to make her demo tape. But because Anna was actually part of a prostitution ring, Horatio is in trouble with a horny politico played by Ed Begley Jr.Now my head hurts.Maybe it’s because this show airs late-ish and my brain isn’t in working order. Then again, maybe it’s because the plot made no sense. Last week I p... read more

February 19, 2007: The Average Punch Is Under 20 MPH Season 5, Episode 16

Why is Delko back so soon? It seemed to be the question on everyone’s mind this episode — including his. He even said, “I came back too soon.” Well, yeah. I suppose it’s one thing to not have a scar or any swelling after getting shot in the neck, but it’s another to not even be limping after getting shot in the leg. If House has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t come back that easily from a leg injury. I nitpick because I love.I liked this episode. As all the regular readers are no doubt aware, I have not been a fan of the global focus of this season of the show. But this week we had what CSI: Miami does best: narcissism and nutcases. Here, Dr. Lasker was the narcissist, and Heather Crowley’s family and boyfriend were the nutcases. (We could consider Horatio to be both, but we pick on him every week, so I’m going to give him a reprieve.) I appreciated the tighter scope of this story. One murder spawned another and led to an in... read more

February 12, 2007: I Will. Kill You. Clavo. Season 5, Episode 15

This past week I stayed away from all the spoilers I came across so that I could give you my honest reaction to however Delko’s situation played out — not an easy task for me, as I pretty much live for spoilers. What is my honest reaction, you ask? What the frak?! Frakity frak frak. Not to sound callous or anything here, but wouldn’t it have just been kinder to kill this guy off? Yes, we have a very much alive Delko, but one who also has significant memory loss (the go-to plot device for dramas this season). And here I was preparing another one of my snappy obituaries. I’m sorry that Delko can’t remember his sister is dead, but perhaps someone could kindly point out that her spitting image is working as an ADA up in Manhattan. It might help ease the pain. It’s too early to know how this is going to play out over the rest of the season, or even the rest of the series. And in the near future, I may be talking about what a brilliant move this was on behal... read more

No Man's Land Season 5, Episode 14

Part 1 of 2. A truck carrying hundreds of confiscated weapons on their way to be incinerated is sabotaged and Horatio learns that Clavo Cruz, a killer he put away years ago, is behind it. Although Cruz is still behind bars, Horatio fears he may be planning an escape. The situation worsens when an 11-year-old boy is gunned down with one of the weapons taken from the truck. read more

Throwing Heat Season 5, Episode 13

A Cuban refugee is killed when he steps on a land mine shortly after arriving on U.S. soil and Tripp accidentally steps on another one while investigating the case. Fortunately, he didn't step off of it and a bomb squad works to defuse it. The probe reveals the victim didn't enter the U.S. alone and Horatio learns an assassin may be involved. Also, Delko is sued for $250,000 after defending a woman in a bar who was being abused by her husband. read more

Internal Affairs Season 5, Episode 12

Nick is murdered in his condo and Natalia is arrested for the crime when evidence at the scene suggests she killed him, but Horatio tries to clear her name. The evidence also reveals that Delko and Nick fought earlier in the day. In another case, a wealthy single man is found dead in his mansion with a granite-topped bookshelf on top of him. The investigation reveals the victim was seeing a therapist who suddenly dropped him as a patient. read more

Backstabbers Season 5, Episode 11

A suspected terrorist, on trial for her part in a thwarted attack on Miami, escapes after an attempt is made on her life by members of the terrorist group with which she is associated. read more

Come As You Are Season 5, Episode 10

A Marine recruiter is found dead on a civilian shooting range with several bullet holes in him, but there's no blood at the scene. The investigation reveals the victim was dead before he was shot and that his body was dragged onto the range. As the case progresses, Horatio learns the murder may be connected to the death of a marine in Iraq who was killed in combat. Also, Natalia is shocked to learn that Nick asked Valera out and that she accepted. read more

Going, Going, Gone Season 5, Episode 9

A 19-year-old model who is “bought” at a charity auction as a date for $60,000 is soon found murdered. The crime takes place in a bedroom on the plush Star Island estate where the auction is held, and the man who purchased the date discovers her stabbed to death with a letter opener. The investigation reveals the charity may be a fund-raising event for criminal activities and the slain woman may have had inside knowledge of it. read more

Darkroom Season 5, Episode 8

Natalia's sister is kidnapped, along with several other women, by a man posing as a photographer. The CSIs are alerted to the crimes when an unidentified woman passes a bloody bill to a toll-booth collector with a cry for help written on it. Soon afterward, a woman is found dead on a jetty near the toll booth and photos of the missing women are discovered in a safe. read more

High Octane Season 5, Episode 7

A 19-year-old man is decapitated while performing a dangerous stunt with his tricked-out car during a sideshow where drivers and spectators gather to see unique autos and stunts. The man is beheaded while driving with his head sticking out of his car's sunroof under a row of tension cables strung between lamp posts. Although the incident appears to be an accident, Horatio believes the man was murdered. Also, Ryan agrees to allow a documentary filmmaker to follow him at work. read more

Curse of the Coffin Season 5, Episode 6

A recently divorced woman is beaten to death in her condo with a golf club, and a miniature coffin is found beside her body. Ryan touches the coffin and becomes convinced that it's cursed after a series of eerie occurrences, including seeing a body rise from a morgue table and disappear. Also discovered at the crime scene is a closet full of bizarre items, such as a goat's head, chicken bones and bags of blood, used in occult ceremonies to invoke spirits. read more

Death Eminent Season 5, Episode 5

A city councilman, the swing vote in an important development plan, is stabbed to death in an empty waterfront house. The investigation reveals the homeowners in the neighborhood where the victim was found are being forced to sell their properties so a wealthy land developer can build a hotel on the site. During the probe, another body turns up and Horatio attempts to link it to an old rival. Also, Nick harasses Natalia at the crime scene. read more

If Looks Could Kill Season 5, Episode 4

Horatio investigates the murders of two male models who worked for the same agency. The first victim's body is discovered in a South Beach marina after a boat churns it up into pieces, but it's quickly learned that he died before his encounter with the boat's blades. The second man dies after he is pushed from a high-rise balcony. Also, Natalia's ex-husband (Rob Estes) is released from prison and begins to harass her on the job. read more

Death Pool 100 Season 5, Episode 3

Two masked, armed thieves crash a jeweler's posh party attended by hundreds of people at a South Beach hotel and steal millions in jewelry. Two partygoers are shot and killed. The investigation reveals that one of the victims, a rich 25-year-old woman who was famous for being famous, was gunned down by a third shooter who may have been involved in a death pool in which participants bet on when famous people will die. read more

Going Under Season 5, Episode 2

Calleigh works at the crime scene of a slain undercover ATF agent who was posing as a motorcycle gang member, but the evidence she collects becomes corrupted when her car is run off of the road into a swampy canal. The CSIs then have to uncover new evidence to solve the murder. Making things more difficult for Calleigh is her ex-boyfriend, also an undercover ATF agent, who refuses to reveal vital information that could help break the case. read more

Rio Season 5, Episode 1

Horatio and Delko travel to Rio to find Riaz, the man responsible for Marisol's murder. While there, Horatio meets Yelina and learns that his brother is back doing undercover work and may be connected to Riaz, for whom Horatio also suspects his nephew is working. Back in Miami, Natalia, now a CSI, helps Ryan investigate the beating death of a woman in Coral Gables. read more

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Premiered: September 23, 2002, on CBS
Rating: TV-14
User Rating: (5,545 ratings)
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Premise: A spin-off from 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigation' follows a South Florida forensics team headed by the brooding Horatio Caine. Against a backdrop of simmering ethnic and cultural tensions, Caine's team probes cases similar to those of their Las Vegas counterparts.

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