"It's the battle of the season," Big Brother host Julie Chen promised at the top of the hour. And while much of this episode kept the intensity at a level worthy of that comment, the end result was a maddening anticlimax. Sure, the game has been changed, but of all the possible outcomes, the one we're left with is the one that interests me least. So, who was evicted? And who did he or she battle to earn a second chance at the $500,000 grand prize? Let's find out.
But first: Props to The Chenbot, whose outfit can only be described as Miami Vice chic, for making fun of Lawon like the rest of us. She kicks off the show by letting us know that, despite Lawon's lunatic ravings, he will not re-enter the house with superpowers should he be evicted and win a second chance. Seriously, how did he ever convince himself that was the case?
After Kalia's "shocking" nomination of Lawon, the house is in a state of disbelief. Rachel can't believe how lucky she is and Jeff thinks Kalia is either up to something way smarter than he can imagine or she's just stupid. (His money is on stupid.) Lawon, however, loves what went down and says he "made the boldest move anyone could make in the Big Brother house." When did "bold" become a synonym for "idiotic"?
Something doesn't smell right to Shelly. (And you know she's been around enough animal carcasses to know!) When Lawon, as part of his Razzie-worthy performance of anger, says "I would not have volunteered," Shelly begins to assume he has done just that. She also deduces that he changes the way he speaks when he's lying and has much more of a "bad boy attitude." She gets even more suspicious when Lawon begins saying that he will come back in, which baffles Shelly because as far as she knows, Rachel is still that target. "That's wackadoodle!" Shelly says. Then she marches upstairs, where Kalia confirms that Lawon volunteered to go home. She tells Jeff and Jordan and they all commiserate about how stupid the whole turn of events is.
Despite the turn of events, Rachel wants to make sure Kalia and Daniele are going to take her proposed deal. To her surprise, they don't really ask her for much. They simply agree to vote Lawon out with the implication that she owes them. One condition: She can't tell the house about the deal. So what does Rachel do? She tells Jeff and Jordan, and more importantly, Shelly.
Although Shelly clearly has some brains, she proved how much of a snake she is this week. As soon as Rachel tells her of Kalia and Daniele's deal, Shelly lets it slip to Daniele. She tells Kalia and the pair of them are livid. Daniele says she feels like between Lawon and Rachel, she is in a nuthouse. Kalia says she wants to "smack Rachel in the jaw." Could that signal the end for Rachel after all of Lawon's self-sacrificing?
Hold that thought because...Ragan is back! To my shock and horror, Rachel and Ragan, once heated enemies in the Big Brother house, have actually become BFFs outside of it. They work out together and go out drinking (because that's Rachel's favorite pastime, Ragan says.) He rambles on about her emotional gameplay and invents the word "cry-bernating" to describe her reaction to playing the game without Brendon for the first time ever. Hey, BB12 player Matt is there too, but who cares? Ultimately, Ragan says Rachel is like the killer in a horror movie: you can kill her 100 different ways, but she'll always pop up for one last scare...
So, Rachel or Lawon? Even though Rachel blabbed against Kalia's wishes, the house still unanimously votes to evict Lawon. Of course they do! He volunteered to go, and it's what he deserves. I can't tell if he's shocked that it was a unanimous vote, or if he's just dumb. He kind of has a blank look before he finally hugs everyone and prepares for his goodbyes.
But wait! The twist! How could we forget? Lawon begins to grin like the Cheshire Cat when Julie begins to tell Lawon that he has a chance to stay in the game. (His plan is coming together! Superpowers! Rainbows!) That smile fades a bit when he learns he has to battle it out against either Keith, Cassi, Dominic or Brendon. I am again confused by Lawon's facial expressions, but I am pretty sure that one was, "Oh, s---!" Rachel's shocked O-face however? Priceless.
And here's where everything goes off the rails. America decided to give a chance at returning to... Brendon?! For all the complaints about Rachel and Brendon I read on a daily basis, I find that highly strange. Anyone want to start a "producers rigging the game" conspiracy theory. Because it's a physical challenge, of course Brendon wins. (Then again, against Lawon, a mental challenge wouldn't have been too hard either.)
So, Brendon is back in the house, and I have no trouble reading Lawon's last facial expression: It screams: "How could this happen? I am such an idiot!" I honestly kind of feel a little bad for him, but what did he really expect. When you make up rules to the game in your own head, you have to be prepared to be let down. Also: Kalia and Daniele must be shaking in their boots right about now.
That said, regardless of how America voted (and, again, I am really suspicious), this outcome is terrible. Not only will the Brendon-Rachel soap opera saga continue, it totally makes the game much more predictable. I wanted Cassi to come in, simply because she doesn't have many alliances in the house and would shake things up. While I am rooting for Jeff and Jordan and Brendon helps that team get further, I don't want to see the veterans rule the house with their renewed energy. And also, Brenchel sucks. Thanks a lot, America!
So, are you glad to see Lawon go? Happy to see Brendon back? Who do you want to win Head of Household? Who do you think will win it all? Vote in our poll and share all your thoughts in the comments below.
"It's the battle of the season," Big Brother host Julie Chen promised at the top of the hour. And while much of this episode kept the intensity at a level worthy of that comment, the end result was a maddening anticlimax. Sure, the game has been changed, but of all the possible outcomes, the one we're left with is the one that interests me least. So, who was evicted? And who did he or she battle to earn a second chance at the $500,000 grand prize? Let's find out...