Since much of tonight's episode featured Felicia and Whitney, I feared for their future. As is often the case with this and other reality shows, devoting so much screen time to a particular contestant merely foreshadows their ensuing demise. To wit: Felicia taught Jael a dance to get her mind off her dead friend (which was then short-lived - sorry, no pun intended - with the "dead-victim" photo shoot); and bonded with Whitney over "fierce" facial expressions (Fierce Count: 6). Sure enough, Tyra's mini-me was sent home.
But not before her dance moves came in handy during the first challenge. The ladies'
Mission (which proved
Impossible for only Renee) was to slink, twist and writhe through a maze of lasers, stopping along the way to pose - or as Benny Ninja instructed - to "vogue." (People still use that word? It's
so 1990.) Oh sorry, back to the challenge. So Benny arrived wearing a gold spandex onesie, also circa 1990, and judged them on their "vogueing," awarding the winner a $40,000 diamond bracelet. Whitney's eye contact and creative poses gave her the win. Despite having just heard that Whitney had some massive college debt, we then learned she'd keep the jewelry for sentimental value. Well, let's ask her again once she's ousted from the competition for being "plus-size." (I know, I know, she's really a normal, realistic, healthy size, but this competition is set in the context of the runway modeling industry.) Maybe $40,000 in hand (not around it) will be more enticing at that point.
Meanwhile, Renee's loss sent her into a crisis of confidence. The Queen of Mood Swings began the episode whining about the girls not understanding her; awoke the next day determined to begin anew and stop being mean; drew a "badass" picture for Jael; and helped Brittany (whom she was berating last week) with her weave. But once her spirit was broken, Nice Renee passed on and suddenly those in the house were "stupid girls" and she told her husband (on the other end of a teary phone call): "I swear to god I'm going to f-----' beat them all f-----' down." Good thing you're hot, Renee, and this isn't a Miss Personality contest. I think we can all agree with Felicia on this one, and commend her on her adaptation of Sally Field's philosophy in
Forrest Gump: "Renee can switch on you - you never know what you're gonna get." I did appreciate her self-awareness, though. When Jay asked Renee why they hate her, she responded simply, "I'm a bitch."
Elsewhere in the manse, Jael burned her
face with a curling iron, despite not having any hair
long enough to curl. Sure, it was nonsensical, but I found it very reassuring, given that my inability to brandish an iron a few months back left me with two burns on my arm.
On to tonight's challenge of breathing life into dead-victim poses. Their settings - ranging from bathtub electrocution and drowning to stabbing and strangling - resurrected many of last week's lifeless contestants. I wonder if their successful killer - er, killed - poses this round were due in part to their blank-stare facial expressions actually being similar to the emotionless faces of the dead. Plus, it was one less thing to think about, and they could rely on the grotesque makeup and the photographer's many directions. Or maybe it was that they were dead ringers (sorry) for what constitutes high-fashion editorial these days: witness Renee's pallid ghostlike appearance, emaciated figure, junkie rings around the eyes. Right out of a (dated, but not too old) CK ad. I think Jaslene (Cha-cha) looked like a drag queen, but hey, to each his own. Everyone else seems to like her. Diana worked some good angles in a tight space. (Loved how Twiggy adored her gruesome photo, but found Diana's real-life smile "disturbing.") And how could Jay be surprised that Jael "went somewhere really heavy" when she was pretending to lie on a bed, strangled to death? Even without her friend's recent death, this whole photo shoot was grim, heavy stuff.
The decapitated Felicia lost her head (sorry, I can't help myself) and gave new meaning to "looking dead." Granted, her face wasn't stellar but you couldn't even
see Brittany's face. I guess I'm just bitter because I liked Felicia and was rooting for my hometown (Houston) girl.
Now Dionne, the other one in the bottom two tonight, needs to step up her game - in and out of photos. Next week, Natasha's mail-order-bride past (or present?) comes to the fore, and Renee is indeed back to her mean ol' self.
PS. For the love of all that is holy, could Natasha pass the Tyra Mail on to someone who speaks decipherable English?
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Since much of tonight's episode featured Felicia and Whitney, I feared for their future. As is often the case with this and other reality shows, devoting so much screen time to a particular contestant merely foreshadows their ensuing demise. To wit: Felicia taught Jael a dance to get her mind off her dead friend (which was then short-lived — sorry, no pun intended — with the "dead-victim" photo shoot); and bonded with Whitney over "fierce" facial expressions (Fierce Count: 6). Sure enough, Tyra's mini-me was sent home. But not before her dance moves came in handy during the first challenge. The ladies' Mission (which proved Impossible for only Renee) was to slink, twist and writhe through a maze of lasers, stopping along the way to pose — or as Benny Ninja instructed — to "vogue." (People still use that word? It's so 1990.) Oh sorry, back to the challenge. So Benny arrived wearing a gold spandex onesie, also circa 1990, and judged them on their "vogueing," awardi...
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