One day these group performances will kill me, I tell you! Whoever decided that the group number was going to be Pink's "Raise Your Glass" should be fired without warning. Heck, I'll fly out to Hollywood and fire that person myself. They're obviously a challenge to choreograph, but at least pick a song that won't make the finalists sound like a second-string high school theater group. Enough about that.
While we're recovering from the tragedy that just occurred, Seacrest plays teenaged not-yet-Millionaire Matchmaker with some contestants and their fans, and Elise hawks her friend's feather hair-thingy jewelry company.
Hollie and Jessica are up first. Because Seacrest is bored of his "you are in the bottom three, and you are safe" formula, he sends the ladies to opposite ends of the stage but does not tell them their fate. The biggest cliff-hanger fail this show has ever seen (or so we think...?).
Idol alum James Durbin performs and he looks strikingly similar to that lead singer from Sum 41, whose name is Deryck Whibley. Anyone with me on this? He sings a head-banging rock number while flashing skulls and strobe lights cause onlookers to suffer acute seizures. But we find out someone married him, so that's super news.
Phillip is sent to join Hollie's side of the stage, while Elise joins Jessica. Now this is about to get interesting.
Jennifer Hudson, Idol's most successful loser ever, performs next. She may have come in seventh place, but she went on to win both an Oscar and a Grammy. Vindication, bitches! Hudson looks fantastic, which is to say she gets skinnier every single time we see her. Her song preaches "acting like a woman" but thinking "like a man," so that will inevitably piss off a million feminist organizations. But whatever. It was so catchy!
Seacrest is back. He sends Joshua to join Elise/Jessica, and Colton toward Hollie/Phillip.
But what about Skylar? She's the first to find out she's safe, and then Seacrest pulls the biggest bully move ever and tells her to pick the group she thinks she belongs with. What a douche! Skylar keeps it classy and refuses.
And in an extremely shocking turn of events — Colton, Phillip and Hollie join Skylar in the safe group. Jessica and Joshua in the bottom three?! At this point Elise has become a bottom three staple, so we're not surprised. But wow. No one saw this one coming.
"Eleven seasons in doing this show I've never seen this happen. This is a ridiculous bottom three," says Randy.
Joshua is told he is safe, and then...Jessica is the one in jeopardy! I assume I am not alone when I openly admit that I yelled "WHAT?!" at my television. But really...IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE? It has to be a classic case of people not voting for her because they were so confident she'd be safe, right?
Jessica begins a shaky rendition of Deborah Cox's "Nobody's Supposed To Be Here," but before she can even regain her composure, J. Lo storms the stage with Randy and Steven in tow. She dramatically rips the mic from Jessica's hands and yells, "This is crazy! You ain't going home! Go sit down!"
They've decided to use the save on her, and it's probably the only exciting elimination show in elimination show history. So that's it! Are you still in a state of shock like me? Could this possibly have been staged? I want to know what you're thinking, so weigh in below. Then take our poll and vote for your pick to win!
One day these group performances will kill me, I tell you! Whoever decided that the group number was going to be Pink's "Raise Your Glass" should be fired without warning. Heck, I'll fly out to Hollywood and fire that person myself.