Welcome to the dull week. We knew it had to happen somewhere in 22 weeks. There was nary a performance worth writing home about and the good ones were slim to middling. I don't know what that means, but I know had I fallen asleep in the beginning of the show, I would not have missed much.
Evidently, the entirety of Latin music consists only of Miami Sound Machine, Santana with a little Marc Anthony, (or is it Antony? "Oh, Cleo, drop that asp.") How about a little Gipsy Kings? Have you ever heard of Ricky Martin? Shakira? When will the producers let us, the public, select the songs for the contestants? How about a week with Rufus Wainwright mentoring and the kids can all sing songs from his Judy Garland concert at Carnegie Hall? Just an idea. It can't be any worse than some of these current theme weeks.
J.Lo recently released her first Spanish-language album,
Como Ama Una Mujer. According to Babelfish that means "As It Loves a Woman." I don't speak Spanish, but after seeing Jenny from the Block, I'm willing to learn. She's cute as heck. And I thought she was the best mentor the kids have had this season. She was totally into it and gave really good advice. However, who does she think she is sitting on that high stool while the kids are all gathered around her on the floor? I'm sure it wasn't intended to be condescending, but it didn't look right. But OK, on with the show.
Melinda chose "Sway" and I must say there's nothing like a little black dress to make a shy girl look sexy. I adore Melinda, but this was not the best week for her. Oh, she was still superb, but she doesn't have a lot of "Latin" in her. She was vaguely reminiscent of Dinah Washington. Simon didn't like her performance and when asked what she thought of his comments, Melinda smartly replied, "He really wanted to say something bad and I'm glad he got the chance." Good for you, chica. Moving on.
J.Lo kept repeating "Cunga" to
LaKisha, who chose "Conga," the Miami Sound Machine tune. I thought, "Honey, MSM heard your rendition and they want their song back." I know, harsh, but seriously. Just because Sanjaya doesn't have to do anything right to make it to the next week doesn't mean the rest of you can slack off. We're expecting more from you, Keeks. Ms. Lopez-Anthony told her to "ride the rhythm," but I fear the rhythm may have been riding her. Randy and Paula loved her while Simon thought her dancing was not very good. Tick-tock.
Chris was recently seen with some trashy starlet while he could have me in a New York minute. What I lack in "waif-ity" I make up for in cooking skills. He would be well-fed. But how I digress. He chose the humongous Rob Thomas-Santana hit "Smooth," which had me dancing all over the place as soon as the thermometer went over 90 degrees. The Jenster suggested Chris sing the song a half a step higher, yet it was still too low. He managed to interpret the song very well and Chris always has the gift of performance going for him, even when his voice is not as good as some of the others. Randy was Mr. Positivity tonight and Paula "thought it was hot." Even Simon liked it, saying it "felt more contemporary" than what the girls had sung.
Next, Ryan announced, will be Haley and Phil, and I thought, "Can't we just skip them?" But that would be wrong. When we returned from commercial,
Haley, who had thrown herself at Jennifer when they first entered her studio, had chosen Vicki Sue Robinson's hit "Turn the Beat Around," another song made wildly popular by
Gloria Estefan, yet she couldn't sing it without Blake adding his mad beat-boxing skills. J.Lo said Haley was going to have to "throw it to the people." Were those shorts shorter than the first pair? I was afraid if she "threw it", she might lose them - the shorts, I mean. Amazing that she can turn any song into a Broadway musical. I'm totally against that head-shake thing she does. Randy finally stopped being so positive and said it felt like "karaoke." Paula and Simon also said disparaging things, which sometimes works against them. I think they would like to see her go home, but when they are over-the-top mean it makes people feel sorry for the contestant and they are apt to vote for them just to spite the judges.
Phil, enough already with the pinky. Another Idol who chose Santana, Phil sang "Maria, Maria" to J.Lo, and was so distracted by her he could barely get through it. Eventually, he gave her "goose pimples." J.Lo really liked Phil, yet the judges were not so kind. Does anyone else think he looks like the
Tin Man? Anyhow, it was boring, dull and predictable. Are we there yet?
Jordin could pick the next theme, she would choose the '80s, which were nearly over before she was born. I won't tell you that I had completed college well before she was conceived. I know, you all thought I am so witty, so I must be young. Well, now you know the truth! Jordin got the rhythm with "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You," and for my money she gave the best performance of the evening. Simon, who could be bored at a flaming
Cirque du Soleil show, thought it was just "OK." Randy and I agreed that she brought the "Yo Factor" back to the show.
Always needing a kiss-up,
Blake chose to sing a song by J.Lo's husband. "I Need to Know" was a big hit for Marc Anthony. Blake looked like a Cuban beach bum and was off-key. I just wanted him to stop singing. I like Blake, but Simon loves him. He said it was the best choice of song and the best performance of the evening. Sir, I beg to differ; it was really bad for me.
Sanjaya sang "Besame Mucho," which was remarkable because it was partly in español, and quite unbelievably, it was pretty OK. Jennifer was impressed by him, which threw me for a loop, but he seems to charm the judges (or he's paying them off, jury's still out). To have J.Lo sing to you, wow. He really wasn't half bad. Even Simon had something unmean to say. I didn't say it wasn't a backhanded compliment, but from Simon, that's as good as gold. He said he didn't understand a word, and that Sanjaya sung like a 14-year-old, "and I hate myself for saying it, it wasn't horrible."
So the moral is, kids: You can sing fantastically, but just not up to your personal par, and get slammed by Simon, or, if you are the weakest performer, you can sing well once and get praised. (Yes, you can call what Simon said to Sanjaya "praise.")
LaKisha, and, of course, our old favorites, Phil and Haley. But as dreadful as the Tin Man and Legs were, LaKiki may be on her way home.
I'm excited to see J.Lo perform - she had better not come down with the flu! Check back here tomorrow for a report of the
hour-long results show: weird, less contestants, but longer shows. How are they going to stretch it out that long?
Welcome to the dull week. We knew it had to happen somewhere in 22 weeks. There was nary a performance worth writing home about and the good ones were slim to middling. I dont know what that means, but I know had I fallen asleep in the beginning of the show, I would not have missed much. Evidently, the entirety of Latin music consists only of Miami Sound Machine, Santana with a little Marc Anthony, (or is it Antony? Oh, Cleo, drop that asp.) How about a little Gipsy Kings? Have you ever heard of Ricky Martin? Shakira? When will the producers let us, the public, select the songs for the contestants? How about a week with Rufus Wainwright mentoring and the kids can all sing songs from his Judy Garland concert at Carnegie Hall? Just an idea. It cant be any worse than some of these current theme weeks. J.Lo recently released her first Spanish-language album, Como Ama Una Mujer. According to Babelfish that means As It Loves a Woman. I dont speak ...