In this week's episode, West Beverly's school musical provides a backdrop for understudy Annie to debate having sex with lead actor Ty. Lead actress Adrianna, meanwhile, is under pressure from her mom/manager. Dylan remains, unsurprisingly
, nowhere in sight, and Principal Harry, Annie's dad, continues to not confront his ridiculous past.
Hi, I'm Tim, filling in for Gina, who is off somewhere exotic and exciting. And now on to the recap.
The episode opens with what seems to be a big makeout session between Ty and Annie, but it turns out to be a rehearsal for their play, Spring Awakening
. But then the scene ends and they start kissing for real. Silver, meanwhile, gets help working the light board from potential love-interest Dixon, Annie's brother.
Cut to Naomi, trying to help her mess of a mom, whose husband has run off to his beach house with his mistress.
Back at West Bev, English teacher Ryan explains to Harry what Spring Awakening
is, unsubtly setting up an entire episode of show/play parallels:
"Spring Awakening's about kids discovering their sexuality, and you know, fighting the oppressive morals of society in 1891, but you know, with rock music," he says. "It should be a real eye opener."
Cut to Ty and Annie making out, and Harry catching them.
Roll credits. God, what a great theme song. We come back to find Harry and his wife, Debbie, talking about Annie.
"The boys here are different than the boys back in Kansas," Harry complains. "I know, I used to be one."
"Oh, and look how terrible you ended up," Debbie says. "You know, Annie could do a whole lot worse than a guy like you."
Wait, what? As we know from the first episode, Harry fathered a child when he was about Annie's age. He then disappeared off to Kansas without ever meeting the kid, and only found out he existed when he moved back to Beverly Hills, though he's done nothing to try to find the poor boy. So really, Annie could do a lot better than a guy like her dad.
Back to Naomi trying to save her mom, this time joined by her dad. This storyline is actually too boring to discuss further, but people will be mad, so: Naomi's mom finally gets mad at Naomi's dad for hanging with his "longtime whore." Then she slaps him and they fall into bed.
Back to Annie. Mom Debbie warns her about the possible consequences of having sex with Ty: "What if he doesn't call you or he doesn't say hi to you at school, or worse, what if he tells all of his friends?"
Yeah, or what if he knocks you up, moves to Kansas, doesn't get back in touch for 20 years, and then, when you reveal to him that he's fathered your child, doesn't take your kid out for the obligatory awkward ball game?
"I trust your judgement," mom says. Dummy.
Next, play director Brenda lectures druggie Adrianna for being late. But it's only because she's worried about her. Adrianna suddently wigs out with an exhausting speech about not needing to worry about little high school productions, because she's been on TV, and being too fat for some audition, and her mom... What happened to that awesome plotline about Naomi's parents?
Cut to Naomi, Silver, and Annie discussing the merits of having sex vs. not having sex. Naomi says her and Ethan, who Annie maybe kind of still likes, had sex right away. Then Naomi makes Ethan give her a piggyback ride, demonstrating one of the arguments against sex: The girl expects piggyback rides afterwards.
Ty asks Annie if she's going to the Roosevelt Hotel after the play, because he's gotten them a room. 90210? More like 9021 OMG.
Harry, meanwhile, is still stressed out over Annie's snog session. "Don't you feel like the Roosevelt Hotel is a little fancy?" he asks. Also, don't they check IDs?
"You can't put your experiences on Annie," Debbie finally says.
"No, no, not my experiences, my mistakes," Harry says, suddenly remembering. "I have a son, running around out there somewhere because of a mistake that I made when I was a teenager."
If he's that worried about it, can't he try to find him? The Dodgers are home this week. In the middle of this Annie comes downstairs in a short tight skirt and her dumb parents don't say anything.
Back to annoying Adrianna. Brenda tells her mom how talented she is. The mom says she's invited a bunch of agents and producers to the play, which is I guess the kind of pressure that drives Adrianna to drugs. Then it's time for the play.
Harry drops off Annie, and wants to talk: Why can't the whole family and Annie's friends go out together after the play, he asks. Well, mostly because you did that episode already, when everyone went to Lucky Strike together. That episode was pretty awesome.
Adrianna turns up too high and slurry to go onstage, so Brenda tells understudy Annie to suit up. An aside: I've seen Spring Awakening
on Broadway, and Annie's performance is actually pretty good. Ty and the male chorus' version of "Bitch of Living" is very blah, however, like they've never heard the actual song.
Back, argh, to Naomi's mom. She announces she and Naomi's dad are divorcing. Awesome! Hopefully this whole plotline is resolved.
The play's over. Huge cheers for Annie, and no one complains about Ty's very boring rendition. Annie goes immediately to her brother, Dixon, to ask to borrow the condom he's been carrying in his wallet for five years.
"Four years," he corrects.
Whuuuuuut? I see Dixon's been getting birth-control tips from Harry. Guys: Never carry condoms in your wallet or glove compartment, and always throw them away at least every three-and-a-half years. Girls: Don't borrow them from your brother. It's weird.
Finally Ethan, Mr. Piggyback-ride, who cheats on his girlfriend, Naomi, tells Annie not to sleep with Ty because he's a player. He asks why she won't wait for someone who really cares about her, kind of hinting that he means, you know, himself. So chivalrous!
"I tried that," Annie says. "It didn't work out." Meaning, it didn't work out with Ethan, so she has to have sex with Ty, because she has to have sex, right? And Ethan and Ty are the only two guys at her school.
Cut to the Roosevelt. Someone's at Ty's door, but it's not Annie. It's Adrianna, who tells Ty that Annie left with Ethan.
"He's probably just giving her a ride," Ty says. Yeah, a piggyback ride.
A few minutes later, Annie shows up at Ty's hotel room, and is greeted by Adrianna, wearing a towel.
"You did a really great job in my part tonight," Adrianna says. Get it? And I did a really great job in yours.
Adrianna says Ty's in the shower, and Annie leaves. And then Adrianna goes back to the shower, and flings open the curtain, and 9021 OMG, Ty isn't there.
Finally, a great little capper: Dixon, deep in a makeout session with Silver, says he doesn't have his 4- to 5-year-old condom, and she says that's cool, she wants to take things slow anyway.
Finally, Annie goes home.
"You were really great tonight," her dad says, and she puts on a brave face but goes upstairs for a good cry.
In the final scene, her dad finally picks up the phone, and calls his long-lost son, and — oh, my bad. No he doesn't.
So, if you're keeping track of the number of kids in 90210 who never see their biological pops, they now include Dixon, who is adopted; Harry's mystery child; and Kelly's son Sammy, revealed last week to be the spawn of Dylan. Those Dodger tickets are still available.