Remember Darren McCarthy and Rita? Yeah, me neither. And therein lies the cruel truth about these two-hour events: If you're attention span-challenged like me, odds are you've forgotten all the totally kick-ass stuff that went down in the first 15 minutes. So, to recap on tonight's shock-value parade: Rita iced her boyfriend McCarthy for a shot at keeping that seven million dollars all to herself; karma came around rather quickly for her at the hands of Abu Fayed; Fayed's a regular Bob Vila with a power drill; thanks to the drill bit (my apologies), Morris caved and helped Fayed arm Suitcase Nuke 2 (of five); Chloe has very little tolerance for self-pity, but handles an automatic weapon better than she does a bitch-slap; Weasel No. 2 has friends in high places and a plan to "remove" President Palmer; Tom Lennox is on board with said plan - if this man loves his country, I'd hate to see the way he treats Korea; Kim 2.0 is in his grandfather's care, which means he's got all of 40 minutes to live; Milo ought to get part-time work as a driver for UPS; and Jack Bauer
tried to tell you people he didn't think he could do this job. Thankfully, he's still dead wrong.
Along the way, we also enjoyed a couple of cool car chases, some gnarly explosions, and Jack's down-to-the-wire disarming of a live nuclear bomb. (I hadn't been that anxious since the first time I tried to surgically remove Cavity Sam's wishbone.) But for me, the highlights came during Jack's quieter moments: his first return to CTU after 20 months in captivity; facing his father's stern "you killed your brother, no dessert for a month" look of disapproval; confessing to Bill that he lost control while interrogating Graem; and even his matter-of-fact call for EMT as the night's final seconds ticked away - "Well, I've lost another tactical team you guys are insured, right?" It's full speed ahead when you're saving the world. I will say that I felt a small twinge of disappointment at Jack and Chloe's awkward reunion. Dude, I know you're a manly man with a complicated past, but spare the poor girl a hug. You spent your entire lunch hour threatening to spoon your brother to death and all Chloe gets is an emotionally pregnant arm rub?
Meanwhile, there's delicious treachery afoot in the bunker below the White House - turns out Reed Pollack is a weasel of the first degree. I'm not sure who this "Carson" is he's working with/for, but the bottom line is that suddenly he's the one pulling Lennox's strings and not the other way around. I just can't wait to find out if Reed's planning to do the dirty work himself (exactly how are we defining "conduit" in this instance?), or if he'll be bringing in some equally slimy backup. And not to belabor the point, but you know who is outstanding at protecting the President in the face of extreme danger? Secret Service Agent extraordinaire, Aaron Pierce. Can we fly in the last great American hero from his summer home in Boca and get him back on the job, please? The fate of our nation depends on it.
And here's my oddball Internet discovery of the night: I was trying to find the name of that TV-movie starring
Missy Crider (who played the now-dead Rita) as a coma patient turned nymphomaniac (turns out it was called
Sins of the Mind), and discovered that she's married to none other than Danny Kastner - the "guitar guy" from Season 3 of
The Apprentice. Seriously? That guy?
Remember Darren McCarthy and Rita Yeah me neither And therein lies the cruel truth about these two-hour events If youre attention span-challenged like me odds are youve forgotten all the totally kick-ass stuff that went down in the first 15 minutes So to recap on tonights shock-value parade Rita iced her boyfriend McCarthy for a shot at keeping that seven million dollars all to herself karma came around rather quickly for her at the hands of Abu Fayed Fayeds a regular Bob Vila with a power drill thanks to the drill bit my apologies Morris caved and helped Fayed arm Suitcase Nuke 2 of five Chloe has very little tolerance for self-pity but handles an automatic weapon better than she does a bitch-slap Weasel No 2 has friends in high places and a plan to remove President Palmer Tom Lennox is on board with said plan if this man loves his country Id hate to see the way he treats Korea Kim 20 is in his grandfathers care which means hes got all of 40