First of all, it should be noted that I've spent all day with the following thought running through my head: "ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-
24 starts tonight!" - which, obviously, has made it difficult to be productive. And secondly, we're having an insane cold snap here in sunny Los Angeles, which is a fine time for me to discover that my heater doesn't run without setting off my smoke alarm. Nothing left to do but bundle up like I'm ready to hit the bunny slope and count on Jack Bauer to keep me warm.
So here's life 20 months after we left Jack on a slow boat to China: Our hero's been in a Chinese prison, refusing to give up any government secrets (or speak at all, for that matter), despite facing horrific torture and a general lack of Schick Quattro blades. Karen Hayes and Bill Buchanan tied the knot (aww) but are apparently making the most of a bi-coastal marriage; he's still running CTU in Los Angeles, and she's in the White House serving as National Security Advisor to President Wayne Palmer. Chloe's gone brunette, claims she's "learned how to fit in" (which no good can come of, clearly) and is back together with her ex-husband Morris, who is going to disappoint me greatly when he turns out to be dirty. The whereabouts of Aaron Pierce, sadly, are still unknown. New faces around the block: Nadia, the va-va-va-voom No. 2 at CTU; Tom Lennox, White House Chief of Staff and the guy driving the black Hummer with the "Internment Camps Rule!" bumper sticker; Sandra Palmer, the president's sister and wily attorney/love-muffin for Walid al-Rezani, a legal rep for the Islamic-American Alliance (and who's not fooling anybody with that accent, because we know full well that he used to be the Chief of Staff for LadyPrez Geena Davis); Ahmed Amar, your friendly neighborhood terrorist (just ask the Nice family and their well-intentioned do-gooder turned bewildered hostage son Scott); Hamri Al-Assad, major terrorist organization ringleader who's decided he wants to be friends with America (and buddy cops with Jack); and Abu Fayed, the big bad believer behind the recent spate of terrorist attacks on American soil and brother of a man Jack tortured to death for information not that that narrows it down at all.
So now that we've more or less gotten the particulars out of the way, I can let loose with the gushing. Is there a more beautiful sentence in the English language than: "The two-day, four-hour
24 premiere event starts now."? Maybe "Viewer discretion is advised," but I think it's a toss-up. Blowing up a bus in the first two minutes of the season? Awesome. Having the president rescue Jack from the Chinese only to sacrifice him to a terrorist? Crazy awesome. Watching Jack escape by
biting through a man's jugular? So crazy wicked awesome that I might need smelling salts. That's right, our hero's only been back on American soil for an hour and already he's literally ripping throats out. I wish I knew an emoticon for devil-horns-of-ultimate-rockitude. Next, naturally, Jack thwarts a president-ordered airstrike on the wrong man, teams up with said wrong man to go after the
right man (who, incidentally, was only minutes before plunging various implements of torture into Jack's fleshy parts), gets sidetracked by the endangerment of innocent human lives, takes down a suicide bomber with the always-lethal necktie choke-headbutt-Bart Conner on parallel bars kick to the chest, and, of course, eludes a subway-ticket taker with that old "I'm a federal agent" excuse. Jack Bauer don't pay for no mass transit.
Outstanding exchange of the night? I think it just might be the mission statement for the season.
Jack: "I don't know how to do this anymore."
Assad: "You'll remember."
You're damn right he will, or we're all screwed. Welcome home, Jack.
First of all it should be noted that Ive spent all day with the following thought running through my head ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-24 starts tonight which obviously has made it difficult to be productive And secondly were having an insane cold snap here in sunny Los Angeles which is a fine time for me to discover that my heater doesnt run without setting off my smoke alarm Nothing left to do but bundle up like Im ready to hit the bunny slope and count on Jack Bauer to keep me warmSo heres life 20 months after we left Jack on a slow boat to China Our heros been in a Chinese prison refusing to give up any government secrets or speak at all for that matter despite facing horrific torture and a general lack of Schick Quattro blades Karen Hayes and Bill Buchanan tied the knot aww but are apparently making the most of a bi-coastal marriage hes still running CTU in Los Angeles and shes in the White House serving as National Security Advisor to P