Reality Awards: The Year's Best (And Most Ridiculous!)
The Judge Who Keeps It Real: Tom Colicchio, Top Chef
When it comes to reality show judges, most usually fall into one of two groups: those who are overly nice and afraid to offend/critique, and those who are excessively mean. Colicchio, however, strikes the perfect balance. Yes, he has his shortcomings (we're pretty sure he's still obsessing over Paul's use of arugula), but he's direct and honest without being pandering or nasty. Colicchio will be the first to compliment a cheftestant on a great dish and will also not hesitate to tell it like it is when their stuff's not up to snuff. With "saves" and second chances all the rage in the reality universe, it's refreshing to watch Colicchio cut someone like delusional, butcher-illiterate hopeful Tyler Stone down to size — and out of the competition.
Photo by: Virginia Sherwood/Bravo
Most "Out Of Touch With Reality" Star: Asa, Shahs of Sunset
Shahs of Sunset star Asa Soltan Rahmati always seemed a little off-kilter, but then she whipped up a batch of "diamond water" and officially sealed the deal. To create the concoction, Asa marinates diamonds and Iranian flowers in a flask of ocean water, and then drinks it. She claims the ritual helps her get in touch with her "inner Aries fire dragon." "It's like magic to me," she says. Asa may call herself an "intergalactic Persian priestess," but we call her completely out of touch.
Add to Watchlist: Shahs of Sunset
Photo by: Bravo
Oddest Celebrity Cameo: P. Diddy, American Idol
Each season, American Idol selects music industry legends to serve as mentors during the live shows. So when Grammy-nominated hip-hop artist P. Diddy appeared alongside recurring mentor Jimmy Iovine, it seemed like a perfect fit — until we found out that the episode's theme was "A Tribute to Billy Joel." Something about the "Bad Boy for Life" weighing in on The Piano Man was a little, shall we say, random?
Photo by: Michael Becker/Fox; Maury Phillips/WireImage
Most Likely to Land a Spin-Off: The Sucklord, Work of Art
It's hard to stand out among the reality TV crazies these days. Sex tapes, brawling, bawling... being simply loud and outrageous is now kind of a snooze. Enter the Sucklord, a contestant who, we argue, was eliminated too soon on the second season of Bravo's Work of Art. Born Morgan Phillips, the New York artist isn't a painter or photographer or performance artist. No, his specialty is turning sci-fi geekdom into high art. When he was axed, he even quoted Star Wars' Obi Wan ("If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.") The amazing part? His pieces have been auctioned off by Simon de Pury. Never a dull moment with this one, no yelling or finger-wagging required.
Photo by: David Giesbrecht /Bravo
Most Vindictive Villain: Heather, Top Chef
Every show needs a villain, and Top Chef's Heather wore the title as a badge of honor. Padma even dubbed her the "Queen of Mean." Heather's preferred target: the quirky and seemingly meek Beverly, who endured verbal blow after verbal blow as Heather insulted her cooking and work ethic. In true villain form, Heather refused to apologize at the reunion, issuing the standard bully non-apology: I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt. Maybe you really can't teach old dogs new tricks.
Photo by: Scott McDermott/Bravo
Most Manipulative Man-Eater: Courtney, The Bachelor
Only on The Bachelor can you be the most hated woman in the house yet end the season with a proposal (Hi, Vienna!) Not only did Courtney alienate herself by starting fights, stripping down and flagrantly waving her roses, but the girl managed to manipulate Ben into eliminating at least two of her opponents, without Ben even realizing it. Ain't love grand?
Photo by: Craig Sjodin/ABC
After butting heads with Aubrey O'Day during Celebrity Apprentice's "Walk with Walgreens" challenge, Arsenio Hall unleashed on her in the boardroom, calling her selfish, arrogant and obnoxious. "I just don't know if this is the right place for me," she said while making a dramatic faux-exit. Back in the suite, Arsenio, still reeling from the blow-out, becomes completely unhinged. "Donald Trump is not gonna take his banner and put it on her stank a-- to represent her as a Celebrity Apprentice… When I Googled her, a naked picture of her with a gut popped up. F--- her!" Woof, woof, indeed!
Photo by: NBC
Hottest Sex Symbol: Adam Levine, The Voice
Let's face it, you guys. The Voice's Adam Levine is the holy grail of hotness. Model-quality good looks? Check. Boy-next-door charm? Check. But there's more! He has an amazing voice. He plays the guitar. He's impeccably dressed. His abs. His scruff. His tattoos. Girls want him; guys want to be him. And best of all — he's newly single.
Photo by: Lewis Jacobson/NBC
Most Cringe-Worthy Moment: The Virgin Diaries' First Kiss
We're not saying we have anything against people saving themselves for marriage. What we are saying is watching a "sexually inexperienced" couple share an agonizingly awkward first kiss on their wedding day offers more secondhand embarrassment than one should suffer in a lifetime.
Photo by: TLC
Craziest Competition: "Viking Quest," The Challenge: Battle of the Exes
Things have really come a long way for MTV's The Challenge franchise. Back in 2003 on The Gauntlet, a "competition" entailed eating a mound of ice cream without utensils. But on Battle of the Exes, the final three teams were flown to Iceland and forced to compete in "Viking Quest," a three-day, 12-mile-long trek through Icelandic glaciers that included tasks such as swimming half-naked through a frozen pond at 5 a.m., eating an ambiguous animal's head and drinking a vat of sheep's blood. Did we mention the temperatures dropped to 18 below? That's not a challenge — it's a death wish!
Photo by: MTV
Most Vicious Fight: Mob Wives
In the episode "Hell on Heels," Renee's "celebration of life" party turns out to be anything but celebratory when Drita "I ain't afraid of nobody" D'Avanzo confronts Karen. Her attempt to kiss and make up goes awry when Karen calls her out on a series of rumors that Drita has allegedly started. What ensues is a royal rumble complete with hair-pulling, blood, death threats, plate-throwing and punching of car windows. It's arguably the craziest fight in reality TV history — we're talking crazier than throwdowns on The Bad Girls Club — and that's saying a lot. Hell hath no fury like a mob wife scorned.
Photo by: VH1
Most Moving Musical Performance: Melanie Amaro's "Listen," The X Factor
Florida native Melanie Amaro was originally "faux-liminated" when the contestants were narrowed down to the Final 16. But her mentor Simon Cowell brought her back after realizing he had made a mistake. Amaro ended up winning, but she had the competition in the bag from the get-go. Her emotional, flawless finale performance of Beyoncé's "Listen" proves why. Seriously. Listen.
Photo by: Fox
Most Ostentatious Display of Wealth: Dana Wilkey, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Excess is a way of life for the Real Housewives, but no one exemplifies that mantra quite like Beverly Hills' Dana Wilkey. At a backyard barbeque, she relentlessly brags to the other women about her $25,000 sunglasses. "They're like four carats of diamonds, and then they're gold python, and then they're made of gold," she says. How articulate! Even the other housewives — women who take helicopters to lunch — are appalled by the idea. "I think spending $25,000 on a pair of sunglasses is asinine," Kyle Richards says. Wilkey flippantly responds, "I've got insecurity issues!"
Photo by: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo
Most Original Catchphrase: Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker
The Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger is notorious for "Patti-isms" — catchphrases she uses so often, they've basically developed into a language of their own. Stanger's most-famous one-liner of all is what she tells her clients, both male and female: "The penis does the picking." Stanger firmly believes that men think between their legs before consulting with their brains. Well, she's the expert, right?
Photo by: Nicole Wilder/Bravo
Biggest Drunken Debacle: Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations
Anthony Bourdain is skilled in many arenas: cooking, using profanity, making sexual references, speaking his mind and chain-smoking cigarettes, to name a few. But what we've learned from his TV show is that Bourdain's greatest talent lies in his ability to get embarrassingly drunk on camera. Take the Croatia episode of No Reservations, for example. He spends an evening with winemakers from Bibich Winery and tosses back a bottle. And then another. And then another. And he continues drinking until he's so visibly intoxicated he starts saying things like, "I want to bathe in this wine! I want to frolic in it! Where's my toga?" He sits outside to get some air, and when he attempts to stand up… he suddenly face-plants onto the concrete and is splayed out across the floor like roadkill. Drunken debauchery at its finest.
Photo by: Travel Channel
Most Loveable Odd Couple: Brad Goreski and Gary Janetti, It's a Brad, Brad World
Brad Goreski and Gary Janetti are the gay answer to Lucy and Ricky. Brad, a stylist to the stars, is partial to wearing bright colors and sequins (he describes himself as "geek-chic with a little bit of Showgirls"), while Gary sticks to a uniform of plaid button downs and jeans. He's an Italian guy from Queens who is completely unfazed by the fashion world. Before their trip to Milan, he'd never even attended a fashion show — and they've been together for 10 years! Brad and Gary's dynamic is a brilliant combination of witty banter and mutual adoration. It's impossible not to love them.
Photo by: Nicole Wilder/Bravo
Best Host: Chris Harrison, The Bachelor
We'll admit it, Chris Harrison's script hasn't changed much since The Bachelor premiered in 2002. (Yes, we know this is the final rose tonight.) But we have to give the guy credit for acting as a sounding board, part-time therapist and shoulder to cry on for all the men and women who have been on the show. And the man deserves a rose for his mediating skills during those "Tell All" episodes.
Photo by: Rick Rowell/ABC
Star We Love to Hate: Kim Kardashian, Keeping Up with the Kardashians
It's hard not to hate Kim Kardashian. Audiences dedicated four precious hours of their lives to watching her wedding special, and then she had the audacity to file for divorce just three weeks later! She can be whiny ("I have psoriasis!"), high-maintenance (her wedding registry at Hermes), and dramatic (she waged war on Kris after he smudged her pedicure). But as much as we all claim to hate Kim, the numbers speak for themselves. Keeping Up With the Kardashians's sixth season averaged 3.5 million viewers. Hi, haters!
Photo by: E!