Juliet Mills by John Paschal/JPI/NBC Universal
Zany witchcraft. Sordid violence. Cheese-tastic monsters. Gratuitously naked men. Has there ever been a show like Passions? Created in 1999 by the certifiably insane suds legend James E. Reilly, the NBC-DirecTV soap signs off this week (Thursday at 2 pm/ET, DirecTV channel 101). Here's a look back at its most twisted plots. - Michael Logan

To Di For: Passions rewrote history - and p.o.'d Princess Diana fans - when it revealed that Diana and Dodi had been on their way to see socialite Sheridan Crane (McKenzie Westmore) when they crashed in that Paris tunnel. Later, Di contacted Sheridan from heaven.

Whole Lotta Shakin': The quaint little town of Harmony survived countless disasters - earthquakes, a tsunami, an avalanche, a volcano eruption, even an asteroid. Then there was the real-estate crisis: The Bennett home started oozing blood and sank into the bowels of hell.

Dynamic Duo: Let's raise a Martimmy glass to Juliet Mills and Josh Ryan Evans, the wildest couple in soap history. She plays Tabitha, a boozy, centuries-old sorceress. He was her precious Timmy, an enchanted doll who longed to be a real boy. In a shocker too bizarre even for Passions, Evans died of a heart condition Aug. 5, 2002 - the same day his character died on air.

Holy Mother!: Whaddya do when you're pregnant by your half brother? Poor Whitney (Brook Kerr) considered abortion, but a statue of the Virgin Mary talked her out of it. So she gave birth, joined a convent and whipped herself silly.

Brokeback Lesbians: Love bloomed for Norma (Marianne Muellerleile) and Edna (Kathleen Noone) when they took jobs at a dude ranch. The senior sidekicks would later marry in soaps' first gay wedding. Alas, that wasn't their only first: Viewers got to see Edna give hairy ol' Norma a bikini wax.

Oh, No She-He Didn't: First Vincent (Phillip Jeanmarie) lured his married uncle, Chad (Charles Divins), into down-low sex. Then the evil she-male seduced his own father and got pregnant. Top that, Jerry Springer!

Simian Scandal: When Passions hired orangutan BamBam to play Nurse Precious, the Center for Nursing Advocacy blasted the show for depicting "nursing as a simple and lowly profession" and adding to the U.S. nursing shortage. Cracked Reilly in response: "If nurses knew how much we pay BamBam per day, they'd all be putting on monkey suits."