Two and a Half Men 2003 | TV Show

Cast & Crew  |  Episode Guide

A hit sitcom built on often-raunchy material, starring Charlie Sheen and, later, Ashton Kutcher begins with the premise of a Malibu bachelor (Sheen) whose life is disrupted when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him. In the ninth season, Kutc (more…)

Premiered: September 22, 2003

Rating: TV-14

User Rating:3.82 out of 5 (1,534 ratings)

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Tue Mar 3 3:30pm
That's Why They Call It Ball Room(Season 7, Episode 10) FX

Charlie discovers a secret that Chelsea's been keeping from him regarding her finances.

Tue Mar 3 4:00pm
Warning, It's Dirty(Season 7, Episode 11) FX

Charlie teaches Jake the tricks of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for the holidays; Evelyn invites a legendary TV producer (Carl Reiner) to Charlie's for Christmas dinner.

Wed Mar 4 4:00pm
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste(Season 7, Episode 12) FX

Jake tries to win back his ex-girlfriend by writing her love songs, while Alan and Herb try to hide their friendship from Judith.

Wed Mar 4 4:30pm
Yay, No Polyps!(Season 7, Episode 13) FX

Charlie gets a colonoscopy just to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's parents, but he returns home to find them there. Tom: Stacy Keach.

Thu Mar 5 4:00pm
Crude and Uncalled For(Season 7, Episode 14) FX

Alan gets into a bar fight and lands in jail, while Charlie fears that Chelsea likes Alan's lawyer (Steven Eckholdt).

Thu Mar 5 4:30pm
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche(Season 7, Episode 15) FX

Chelsea has had enough of Charlie's jealousy, which is threatening their relationship.

Fri Mar 6 12:00pm
Crude and Uncalled For(Season 7, Episode 14) FX

Alan gets into a bar fight and lands in jail, while Charlie fears that Chelsea likes Alan's lawyer (Steven Eckholdt).

Fri Mar 6 12:30pm
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche(Season 7, Episode 15) FX

Chelsea has had enough of Charlie's jealousy, which is threatening their relationship.

Fri Mar 6 4:30pm
I Found Your Moustache(Season 7, Episode 17) FX

Charlie and Chelsea reunite briefly, giving Charlie hope that they could get back together.

Fri Mar 6 5:00pm
Ixnay on the Oggie Day(Season 7, Episode 18) FX

Tricia Helfer returns as Chelsea's college friend, whom Charlie meets again; and Alan has a surprising effect on a patient (Frances Fisher).

Sat Mar 7 9:00am
Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave(Season 7, Episode 19) FX

Alan tolerates Jake's new friend, who is a bad influence, because he's attracted to the boy's mother, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith.

Sat Mar 7 9:30am
I Called Him Magoo(Season 7, Episode 20) FX

Alan plans a romantic night with his new girlfriend (Courtney Thorne-Smith), hoping for more intimacy.

Sat Mar 7 10:00am
Gumby with a Pokey(Season 7, Episode 21) FX

While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his former girlfriends. ZZ Top make a cameo appearance.

Sat Mar 7 10:30am
This Is Not Gonna End Well(Season 7, Episode 22) FX

In the seventh-season finale, Charlie's license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver; and Alan plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party, which doesn't please Charlie.

Sun Mar 8 1:01am
Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave(Season 7, Episode 19) FX

Alan tolerates Jake's new friend, who is a bad influence, because he's attracted to the boy's mother, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith.

Sun Mar 8 1:30am
I Called Him Magoo(Season 7, Episode 20) FX

Alan plans a romantic night with his new girlfriend (Courtney Thorne-Smith), hoping for more intimacy.

Sun Mar 8 5:01am
Gumby with a Pokey(Season 7, Episode 21) FX

While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his former girlfriends. ZZ Top make a cameo appearance.

Sun Mar 8 5:30am
This Is Not Gonna End Well(Season 7, Episode 22) FX

In the seventh-season finale, Charlie's license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver; and Alan plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party, which doesn't please Charlie.

Mon Mar 9 5:00pm
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud(Season 8, Episode 1) FX

In the eighth-season opener, Jake goes to live with his mom and Herb when he finds out that his dad is dating Eldridge's mom; and Charlie thinks it's time to cut back on his drinking.

Mon Mar 9 5:30pm
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer(Season 8, Episode 2) FX

Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her, and an overjoyed Charlie tries to persuade Alan to accept the offer.

Mon Mar 9 6:00pm
A Pudding-Filled Cactus(Season 8, Episode 3) FX

Alan moves in with Lyndsey, but he continues his affair with Melissa, whom he meets at Charlie's house.

Mon Mar 9 6:30pm
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers(Season 8, Episode 4) FX

When Alan burns down Lyndsey's home, Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house.

Tue Mar 10 4:30pm
A Pudding-Filled Cactus(Season 8, Episode 3) FX

Alan moves in with Lyndsey, but he continues his affair with Melissa, whom he meets at Charlie's house.

Tue Mar 10 5:00pm
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers(Season 8, Episode 4) FX

When Alan burns down Lyndsey's home, Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house.

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