Disaster at Sea
Been there, swum that in soggy remake
More than a capsized ocean liner is askew in this halfhearted attempt to remake a true camp classic: 1972's pinnacle of disaster cinema
The Poseidon Adventure. You remember, the one where a cruise ship is turned on its head by a monster wave and the wellheeled survivors climb to the top — er, bottom — of the sinking ship to get out. It's
Titanic on steroids.
Sadly, this listless three-hour TV remake (Sunday, Nov. 20 at 8 pm/ET, NBC) — a new feature version is expected next year — wastes way too much time on a terrorist-bombing subplot that feels like amateur night on 24. An explosion, not Mother Nature, sends the S.S. Poseidon topsyturvy, and it often seems as if the entire catastrophe was arranged so cheating husband Steve Guttenberg (who's all wet from the start) can see the light.
In a nod to the new century, one of the survivors is an Australian reality-show producer (Bryan Brown) modeled after Mark Burnett — his squeeze is a runner-up from an American Idol-type show (yes, she sings) — and an e-mail sent from an upside-down Internet lounge plays a pivotal plot point.
The movie's most fatal miscalculation is in taking us outside the ship to monitor the rescue efforts. If ever a movie depended on claustrophobic disorientation to achieve its cliff-hanger magic, it's Poseidon.
Though the performances are uniformly flat — there's not a grandiose scenery-chewer like the original's Shelley Winters in the bunch — you can still find fleeting moments of popcorn fun. But the morning after (to quote from the first film's Oscar-winning ditty), you'll regret having wasted your time.
Grand Finale
"Astonishment is my intent," boasts Julius Caesar (Ciaran Hinds) as the final hour of HBO’s often-astonishing first season of Rome (Nov. 20, 9 pm/ET) approaches its bloody, tragic and terrifically entertaining climax. A scandalous secret whispered in the right ear changes the course of history as the personal collides with the political. We know what awaits Caesar, but what keeps us deliciously off-balance, and anxiously anticipating Season 2, are the reversals of fate and fortune involving his former soldiers Pullo (the amusing Ray Stevenson) and dour Vorenus (Kevin McKidd).
