Knight Rider: Stuck in Reverse
So I come back from a week away, and what should await me but a time warp to a long-forgotten (and happily so) era of kitschy schlock. Courtesy, naturally, of NBC, whose new regime appears to be operating under an embargo banning anything with a shred of originality. Two hours of
American Gladiators (which I skipped) followed by two hours of
Knight Rider (which I forced myself to endure). Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a forgettable night - unless you enjoy the rubbernecking spectacle of watching a network slip further into the abyss of cultural irrelevancy. (You doubt me? I guess you missed the promos for Monday's newest reality gem,
My Dad Is Better than Your Dad.)
The new (more or less)
Knight Rider wasn't really a show, it was more like the longest car ad in human memory: "Brought to you by the star of our show, (name of car)." Almost made you pine for the good old days of the writers' strike.
Despite a few contemporary touches - one of the heroes (Sydney Tamiia Poitier) is a lesbian cop, not that that made her actually interesting, beyond her gratuitous
Baywatch-lite entrance - this was about as old-hat as TV gets, a creaky jalopy tricked out with wooden lead actors, leaden pacing and abysmal writing. Ever wonder what NBC's superior
Chuck (developed by the previous regime) would be like without wit and engaging characters? Here's your answer.
The GPS in my rental car last Christmas had more personality than Val Kilmer's drone as the voice of KITT. I swear there were times I detected a yawn as KITT nagged the cocky son of Michael Knight, but maybe that was just me. (Kilmer was a last-minute replacement for Will Arnett, who might have conveyed a welcome droll irony, but it only served to remind me of how William Daniels' haughty line readings were the sole asset of the original series.)
I'm with the show's heroine, Sarah (Deanna Russo), who during her first reluctant joyride in KITT's cabin, was heard to gripe, "This isn't fun at all" and "How much more of this do I have to take?" (Sadly, there was at least another hour to go at that point.) Watching Russo and future trivia answer Justin Bruening ride around while the car did all the heavy lifting, they might as well have been saying, "Look, Ma, no talent!" I especially appreciated the scene when the generic bad guy shot and killed Mike's mom, causing the stars' emotions to surge, running the gamut (apologies to Dorothy Parker) from A to A-minus.
In industry-speak, this
Knight Rider movie is what's known as a "backdoor pilot." (Scary thought, right?) But a lemon by any other name is still a lemon.
For another take on Knight Rider
, read Cheers & Jeers.
