American Idol American Idol

It's time to discuss an important matter, folks. A problem affecting millions of people across the country, some who have gone years without knowing it or seeking help. An epidemic, really. It's a condition we have come to identify as IAFS. Idol Audition Fatigue Syndrome, a painful, at times devastatingly severe reaction to too many American Idol tryout episodes. The symptoms — which can include restlessness, irritability, lethargy and unaccountable periods of lost time — usually begin to present with three weeks of being exposed to the show's season premiere.

Originally considered an allergic reaction to Ryan Seacrest, IAFS is now known to be triggered by an actual overdose of hype surrounding Idol's return. Crippled by the repetitive cycle of silly pre-taped bits, filler and judge commentary, sufferers begin to lose their ability to focus on any real on-screen artistry, gradually developing an insensitivity to sad singer stories (also known as SSS, an entirely separate disorder plaguing every talent show on Earth). In more acute cases, delusional thoughts that one may be able to look away have occurred, Armadillos have randomly appeared, and a ringing in the ears has also been reported, usually following excessive montages of hopeless hopefuls doing to music what Charlie Sheen does to porn stars. 

If you suspect that you may be suffering from IAFS, don't panic. There is hope. Case studies have found large numbers of infected patients returning to moderate health somewhere around Hollywood Week without long-term damage. Suggested treatments include limiting Idol exposure to DVR'd recordings that allow for fast-forwarding, moderating your intake of singing mascots, and staying hydrated in between weepy tales of wannabes with tragic back stories. It's a bitter pill to swallow, we know, but within 14 days, you should be all better. And so should Idol.

Are you sick of all the tryouts yet? How do you cope with Idol Audition Fatigue Syndrome?

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