Warning: Tonight is a reality...

Warning: Tonight is a reality TV type of night. So if you can't handle a manipulated, heavily edited, prime-time version of truth, just skip this night all together. I probably should have.

Airline
A good thing: That supervisor Mike is some kind of saint. Truly. Because, and this is awful, but I don't know if I could have helped a strange man change his pooped-in pants. Alzheimer's or not.
A bad thing: Southwest apparently runs its airline like a beauty shop and intentionally overbooks flights supposedly to "save us money." According to this show, "many" airlines do it. What?! A&E needed to not tell me this. Life was better when I did not know.

American Idol 3
Jesus and Noel are going to Hollywood, dawg! So is Scooter Girl. Like I care.

Chasing Freedom
OK. Here's the deal. Movies like this make me proud to be an American and feel guilty about it at the same time. Seriously. Now I'm going to have to go volunteer or make a donation to the poor abused Afghan Women's Fund or something. Freakin' Court TV and Juliette Lewis!

My Big Fat Obnoxious Fianc&#233
Lord help me, I'm in reality-TV hell! The premise is so ridiculous that I can't. Even. Process... Wait. The "bride" looks exactly like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy? Buffy, come back! Buffeeeee!

Everwood
Mama Abbott put her foot down. And it's about time! Sure, Amy has had it hard since the death of her boyfriend Colin. But enough is enough. If you give a headstrong, spoiled brat an inch, she will take a mile. Even one who's in mourning. And, after stealing her aunt Dr. "Lord-the-woman-has-HIV" Linda's prescription pad, little Miss Abbott was working on mile 2. For real. So what if she gets mad and runs to Grandma's? Let her. Everwood's only black man lives in Grandma's house too (he's the town's stereotypically wise and calm old narrator, remember?). So, she's going to have to abide by grown-folks' rules there too. Nah, nah, nah-nah, nah!
On a more somber note, how sad is the news about Kellie Waymire? She played the patient who wanted to be impregnated by her late husband's sperm in tonight's episode. And the show was dedicated to her memory. I wasn't a fan or anything, so I had to look her up. And, according to kelliewaymire.com, she died of a heart attack on November 13, shortly after she taped this episode. Dang.
The Real World/Road Rules Challenge
Coral's mouth wrote a check her ass couldn't cash. Again! Only this time it cost the Real World team the big win. I almost feel bad for them. Almost. But then I sit back and think: They had it coming. I mean, seriously. Coral couldn't carry her weight for the whole season, so how did they figure she would be able to do it now? I bet Theo watched this doing the I-Told-You-So dance, and Alton cried at his own stupidity. He, like the rest of the Real World men, let Coral intimidate him into choosing her. But I gotta give it to her. When it comes to baseless persuasion, that girl's got a gift!

American Chopper
Are you down with O.C.C.? Yeah, you know me! For several reasons:
1. This show's like a little case study of men and how they act in their natural mechanical habitat. [In a whispered British accent] Watch as the American alpha male attaches "the tank." Notice how the young bow to his authority. Oh, the power of the handlebar mustache! [End accent]
2. It teaches me cool pseudo-military garage terms like chopper, tank and sissy bar.
3. I'm waiting for Paul Jr. and Michael to make like the Menendez brothers and weld Paul Sr. to a Father's Day "theme bike." Oh, don't act like you're not waiting for it, too. These guys have got to have the most unhealthy, competitive father-son relationship ever televised. Seriously. In tonight's episode Paul Sr.'s "ideer" of showing Michael he loves 'em was to let the kid attach the kickstand to the POW-MIA bike and to praise him for not "getting me all aggravated and whatnot." Thanks dad.
4. That Paul Jr. is kind of cute. Especially since he got back from the cross-Mexico bike ride with Kid Rock.
5. They quote my "Brawl in the Family" headline in their commercials. (What, can't a girl toot her own horn?)

Average Joe: Hawaii
OK. Now NBC's stealing pages out of the Fox book, "How to Turn a Half-hour Show Into 60 Minutes." Talk about wasting prime time. Those rat bastards made me wait 52 minutes to see the hunks. Fifty-two. Along the way they cut to the conceited cuties so often that by the time the men did arrive I hated them almost as much as I hate Larissa. No joke. If NBC has an ounce of kindness left, it'll leave that hussy out of next week's episode and just show the drama in the boys' house. I have a feeling these tattooed Joes aren't going to take this lying down. Shoot. If we're lucky, Tony, Fredo and Mike might even hurt a pretty man.

VH1 Bands Reunited
So this is what happens when you go behind the music — you find out how much Berlin's John Crawford hates singer Terri Nunn. And, along the way, you make some good television. Will they play nice? Or will John spit in Terri's suspiciously youthful face? Oh, the suspense! Too bad VH1's burning this show off, playing a whole season's worth of episodes in two weeks. Now I'll never know what really happened to Ready for the World.