<EM>Surface</EM> Surface

Well, on the upside, this week our marine-biologist-waitress-heroine Laura finally got up close and personal with one of the big bad sea monsters. And when I say big, I mean, big like something Donald Trump would try to build out of gold big. On the downside, we didn't really get any of the rock -'em, sock-'em apocalyptic events we've grown so used to over the last few episodes. No massive sinkholes drying up entire lakes. No enormous jaws swallowing boats whole. And darn it, no lava-spewing geysers or exploding playhouses. Surface, you can't set me up with these sorts of expectations and then leave me with angry radar blips and a beach full of dead calamari. We do get to a bit of expository housekeeping, though: Creepy Scientist Guy informs us (and a roomful of very uncomfortable government types) that this new unknown species is an invasive one, blah blah, tip the balance of the oceanic ecosystem, blah blah, near-unintelligible accent, blah blah, omnivorous, which means they'll eat anything and everything. Um duh?

That's all well and good, but let's get down to it: I'd say this week's theme is "Nobody's gettin' any." Rich's wife leaves him after he goes mental and loses his job; Miles can't make it to first base with a buxom member of his sister's skank patrol; and Laura finds herself stranded at sea with a frustrated former fling. See? Deep down they're all the same. Just water-worldly folks who can't seem to connect with much other than really big fish. Kinda sweet, if you squint a little.

Moment of the night: Cosmic retribution takes its toll on an innocent bystander when Miles' baby-beastie Nimrod makes lunch of that Mean Girl's fluffy white dog. Guess the Doc wasn't lying about 'em being omnivores. And what have we learned today, kids? Play nice, or Princess is toast.