Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has given viewers many amazing and hilarious gifts over the years, and Season 4 is no exception. In addition to the many wonderful sight gags, the season's sixth episode — the final outing in this half-season, unfortunately — features a storyline in which Xan (Dylan Gelula) worries she's pregnant after sleeping with a guy named Capsule "Cap" Tylenol. Yes, really. He is the heir to the Tylenol fortune, obviously.
In the end, it turned out Xan wasn't really pregnant — she'd taken a Jane the Virgin prank pregnancy test — but the entire storyline got us here at TV Guide (and even our esteemed former colleague Joyce Eng) thinking about which Cap it would be better to be impregnated by: America or Tylenol.
Let's take a look at the contenders.
In one corner, you have this guy, Captain America (Chris Evans). He was injected with a serum during World War II that turned him into a buff super soldier.
In the other corner, you have this guy. His body closely resembles the scrawny kid Steve Rogers was before he became Captain America.
This is what Cap the soldier looks like sweaty and shirtless.
This is what the other guy looks like.
Cap can rip logs in half even though there is an ax right there and he was literally just using it.
Do you think Cap Tylenol can do that?
Captain America is 100 years old but can stop a freaking helicopter from taking off.
Cap Tylenol is named after these things.
Here is Cap with a magnificent beard. It caused a global meltdown.
Can the other Cap even grow a beard?
Again, here is Cap, the leader of the Avengers.
And here is Cap, the guy named after a pill to reduce headaches and cramps.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt's fourth season is now streaming on Netflix. Captain America is starring in your dreams.