Twin Peaks: Back to Basics-ish

You know life has taken a strange turn when you begin to long for the cozy, familiar comforts of murder. Like, it's obviously thrilling to explore uncharted, esoteric territory, but sometimes you find yourself spending too much time on metaphysical planes observing the birth of evil in the nuclear age when you just want to return to a simpler time when your biggest problem was a corpse. Nostalgia charged our collective excitement over the return of Twin Peaks, but who could've guessed we'd be most nostalgic for the slaughter of innocents? What a classic Lynchian twist.

"Part 9" of our return to Twin Peaks brought us back from the great unfathomable beyond and explored more thoroughly the various corpses that've been piling up in our nightmarish world. Where last week's episode contained very little dialogue, "Part 9" seemed to make up for that with tons of exposition. Which is not a complaint! Let's talk about it.

We began with a blood-caked jerk performing a post-resurrection Walk of Shame through the countryside.

Bad Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) made his way to a local safe-ranch where Tim Roth and Jennifer Jason Leigh were there to offer a hot shower and a bag of Cheetos. In this moment I realized that perhaps Bad Cooper, a golem of cosmic evil, is more loved by his friends than many of us will ever be.

At the same time, Diane (Laura Dern) was dressed in her best outfit and she was itchin' to get the h*ck out of South Dakota and back to her expensive apartment full of cigarette smoke and gigolos. But while they were en route, Gordon (David Lynch) received a tip that there was a person of interest they should interview in another part of South Dakota, and would Diane like to join them? After letting out the heaviest sigh since me watching the Scream TV show, Diane finally agreed to tag along. Ugh, private jet life is hard sometimes.

Sometimes a fresh shower and a new truck can really put the pep in your step after your friend murders you and you're brought back to life by soot-faced woodland ghosts. Also, did you see Bad Cooper's pink bedazzled flip-phone? It was just a burner that he also used to send a cryptic text message in style. But to whom? To HER:

You know he's truly evil because he answered a question with a 'thumbs up' emoji. Just kidding, the message was more cryptic... "Around the dinner table, the conversation is lively." But why did he send it to Diane? Are they secretly in cahoots? It was hard to tell from her expression. Something about this makes me very nervous.

Meanwhile in Las Vegas, Doug-E and Janey-E were a little frazzled from their attack by a little person hitman. When one of the three buffoonish detectives realized that Doug-E had no record of any kind prior to 1997, they slipped a fresh mug of coffee in his hands so that they could DNA test the previous one. But this new caffeine caused Doug-E to simply stare at the American flag while patriotic music played, and then he stared at a wall outlet where a creepy sound effect played. I have the same experience when I watch cable news with my parents.

Because his palm had been literally peeled off and affixed to his murder weapon, Spike the lil' hitman was quickly apprehended by authorities. Sorry, fella. As poignant as it is, your days of slaughtering female office workers have come to a close.

We then returned to the more sunshine-y ridges of Twin Peaks, where Lucy and Andy were using half a dozen giant Dell computers to order furniture. We were treated to what I think was possibly a comedy routine, in which they walked back and forth debating what color chair to purchase, and after winning the debate Lucy went ahead and ordered Andy's preference anyway. What a couple of rascals!

And here's a character I didn't expect to see again: Audrey's brother Johnny Horne! He barely ever showed up in the original run, so it's nice to know he's still around. The bad news was he ran around the house too fast and punched a hole in the wall with his face. Aw, Johnny.

Sheriff Truman's brother Sheriff Truman (Robert Forster) and Hawk (Michael Horse) and Deputy Bobby (Dana Ashbrook) were still looking into the possibility that Dale Cooper had a doppelganger. They paid Bobby's mother a visit and she revealed that her husband Major Briggs (the late Don S. Davis) had left an important artifact with her before his mysterious demise. He'd apparently known the day would come when three men would ask his wife about Dale Cooper, and he hid a metallic cylinder in the furniture for her safe keeping!

I was very into this chair with the secret compartment. THIS was the chair Lucy and Andy should have purchased. Just think of all the things one could hide in there! I'd keep some Wildberry Skittles in there probably.

We then got this very amazing moment in which Jerry Horne battled with his own foot. It even SPOKE to him, and was subtitled... "I am not your foot." Then this happened:

The drugs in this town are wild.

Probably one of the most satisfying moments was when this jerk deputy was caught eating his lunch in the conference room and Deputy Truman kicked his ass right out of there. As we all know, this dude should be eating his lunch in a dumpster with the family of seagulls who raised him. Also I loved when Sheriff Truman made Bobby open a window to air out the room after what was presumably a disgusting array of lunch items.

Also I loved that even though Lucy takes her lunch breaks at her desk, she refuses to work or even interact with anyone, going so far as to silently wave anyone away who dares walk through the lobby. SAME.

As for that mysterious metal cylinder the deputies had been given by Mrs. Briggs, only Bobby knew how to open it. It was a complicated process involving him smashing it against the pavement. But inside were a few coded messages, including co-ordinates and clues that Major Briggs knew Bobby would be able to decode. The hunt for answers continued!

We finally, finally returned to the plotline from the season premiere involving the man (Matthew Lillard) alleged to have decapitated his side-piece. Here we learned that the two of them had actually been investigating the existence of a parallel universe and had even set up an amazing website about it. But what exactly was this "Zone" they'd been looking for? Was that the name of a place we'd already seen here on the show? And was it this investigation that got his lady-friend murdered, and her body switcheroo'd with Major Briggs'? Major Briggs was definitely involved, as Matthew Lillard claimed to have met him in the Zone, and even identified him in a photo lineup. So yes, we were now inching ever closer to tying together this season's big mysteries!

Also, credit where credit's due: Matthew Lillard was INCREDIBLE in this episode. It's not easy to convincingly sob for like 12 minutes, but he did it and it was truly affecting. Even Agent Tammy seemed on board with his story. Diane and Gordon already knew this was a "blue rose" case, and by the end of his interrogation they seemed to believe there was definitely something supernatural going on.

We then got a follow-up to that weird and lovely moment from a few weeks back when Benjamin Horne (Richard Beymer) and Beverly (Ashley Judd) explored where the humming noise was coming from. Well, one place it wasn't was in Benjamin Horne's heart, as he pre-emptively put to rest the option for romance here. She seemed to appreciate the gesture, and it was honestly touching to see Benjamin Horne display some sense of integrity since the last time we'd seen him. Another unexpectedly sweet moment to be sure.

We concluded in the roadhouse, where an especially grimy Sky Ferreira was bragging about losing her job at a diner due to her drug addiction and also scratching her rashy armpit. It was a cute look!

Her friend was played by Karolina Wydra who was on the last few (underrated!) seasons of True Blood. But really, the Sky Ferreira junkie character was similar enough to the junkie mother we keep checking in on in Las Vegas that I have to wonder if their particular drugs are going to come into play in a bigger way. Remember, Shelly's daughter Amanda Seyfried is also yazzed up on that good-good, so that can't be a coincidence either. And who even knows what's in Jerry Horne's weed. Anyway, Sky Ferreira should probably get that armpit rash checked out in my opinion.

We concluded with an encore performance by Au Revoir Simone, who are still so great. David Lynch has the best taste in early 2000s jams.

For an episode that was mostly about moving pieces around and revealing new bits of tid (tidbits), "Part 9" remained a weird and riveting experience. They can't all be wordless, psychedelic mindf***s! But it's fascinating to see that even in a season when Twin Peaks follows no rules nor owes anything to anybody, it still adheres to the occasional traditional murder-mystery format. Like it or not, we're going to know way more about what's going on in this world by the season's end. Whether that entails closure and justice or just more question marks doesn't seem important anymore. I just want this ride to go on forever.

Twin Peaks airs Sundays at 9/8c on Showtime.

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