Twin Peaks: It Was Laura Dern the Whole Time!

A lot of people own pets, and most of those pets are animals. That's just a fact. But some people prefer naming and caring for their electronic devices, and that's okay too. A few decades ago, a landmark television series called Twin Peaks dared to introduce one of TV's first ever pet electronic devices, a microcassette recorder named Diane. OR DID IT? As it turns out, one of Twin Peaks' many mysteries and riddles was solved this week when we discovered that Diane is NOT a microcassette recorder toted around by a young Dale Cooper. Diane, is, in fact, LAURA DERN in a wig. Did not see that coming.

While television just lost important representation and visibility for pet electronics, it gained a new AMAZING Laura Dern character. Also it just so happens that "Part 6" was a very great episode of Twin Peaks. Let's talk about it!

We began with a possibly unwell man in a chartreuse jacket pawing at the shoes of a bronze statue. Fortunately a very loving and caring policeman decided to not murder "Dougie" (Kyle MacLachlan) in the streets and instead took him home.

But things didn't go so well at dinnertime.

For one thing, Janey-E (Naomi Watts) seemed baffled by her husband's continual inability to speak English, but she became downright annoyed when local hitmen called on her yellow phone asking for $52,000 and THEN when she received an envelope containing a photo of Dougie and Jade on a date. To be quite frank, Janey-E has not been thrilled with her husband at all lately. But in a cute moment, "Dougie" went upstairs and had a silent bonding moment with Sonny Jim as they turned on and off his bedroom light via The Clapper™. See, being forced to live as Dougie was not ALL existential hell.

Um, hey. Remember when Gordon (David Lynch) and Albert (Miguel Ferrer) mentioned that they needed "Her" to personally examine the incarcerated, greasy Agent Cooper, and they knew where "she" drank? Well, as many of you guessed, they were referring to none other than DIANE. And literally the only person who could ever possibly play her is LAURA DERN. That's right, all those years ago when Agent Cooper was talking into a microcassette recorder, LAURA DERN was the one receiving those tapes! Now, part of me is slightly disappointed that the question of Diane's identity has been answered--I kind of loved the idea that maybe she didn't exist at all, or even that Diane was the name of the tape recorder itself--but any disappointment I might have is made up for by the fact that Laura Dern is Diane. I mean, come on. Perfect. She didn't end up speaking in this episode, so we still have that to look forward to!

This local Twin Peaks thug played by Balthazar Getty is apparently some kind of drug lord kingpin, and he is the boss of that rat-faced piece of garbage from the road house last week. I enjoyed this scene of him pushing the dude around, including the part where he flipped a coin, the coin stayed suspended in midair, and then suddenly transported inside the younger thug's mouth.

Despite the charms of Twin Peaks the town, this season David Lynch REALLY wants us to know it's inhabited by some truly bad men. Both of these guys seem super awful, but it definitely adds to the tension of this dreamworld. Plus, the awfulness of certain characters just serves to make these delightful ladies even more fun:

Like this exchange between two VERY giggly women was somehow both sweet and absurd. This lady just really loves her pie, and Heidi the giggling German waitress (Andrea Hays) just liked everything she had to say about it.

There was even this sweet moment where the pie lady left a big tip and Shelly (Madchen Amick) remarked that the woman probably couldn't afford to be leaving tips like that. What an odd, small-town detail to include. Again, it's these tiny moments that demonstrate the beating heart beneath Twin Peaks' unfathomable darkness.

We then checked in with Carl, played by longtime Lynch actor Harry Dean Stanton (Carl was also in Fire Walk With Me). His life had become little more than a series of trips to town so that he could sit on a park bench and watch life happen. Unfortunately this day that meant he watched a child get run over by a truck.

The scene was one of the more casually brutal ever on Twin Peaks, and it should come as no surprise that the driver was that rat-faced dude from the roadhouse. And yeah, it was tough to see this mother cradle her dead child as townsfolk just watched and grimaced.

It wasn't clear what Carl thought he could do to help, but he was the only one who thought to approach and comfort the mother. Also he noticed the YELLOW GHOST rise up out of the boy and disappear into the sky.

The entire sequence was sad, unsettling, but still whimsically cartoonish. I truly didn't know what to make of it, but again it provided a fascinating contrast to the other plotlines.

Thank goodness we checked back in with the "1-1-9" drug addict lady. What's she been up to? How's she been? I am gonna level with you: Not great. She's still chanting "1-1-9" and completely ignoring that deflating balloon behind her. Meanwhile, outside in the street investigators were cleaning up the wreckage of Dougie's car. Would this interfere with her drugging and shouting? No, it would not.

It was "Dougie"'s second day of work, and he was feeling much more chipper about it. A lot of this was because he had done his homework assignment. No, he had not properly gone through the case files and looked deeper into insurance claims. But he HAD scribbled doodles all over them. In a surprise twist, his surly boss looked at them and got it. He just plain got it, and commended Dougie on his hard work. I really loved this.

Meawhile, Janey-E agreed to meet up with the bad dudes who were threatening to murder her husband, and she paid them a big wad of cash. But amazingly, she declined to pay the full amount and instead gave them about $25,000, which included a more than fair interest rate considering Dougie had only borrowed $12,000. Also she had so much anger and 'tude they couldn't help but just nod and go with it.

(Shout out to Jeremy Davies and his amazing hair!)

Uh, and then THIS part happened. A little hitman--a hitman little person--was provided with photos of Dougie and also the woman who'd sent the terrified BlackBerry™ message last week. He then showed up at her office building and STABBED HER TO DEATH WITH AN ICE PICK! The scene was both absurd and completely brutal, and it only got worse when an unfortunate coworker witnessed the attack and the little hitman went after her as well!

But it didn't go TOTALLY well. Like, his ice pick got bent in two right-levels and he looked like he was gonna cry. Maybe this ice pick was his pet. You know? Anyway, a tiny hitman stabbed two women to death. This show!

Oh right. So. Hawk may have finally figured out what the Log Lady had meant from her cryptic clue about "your heritage." Like, he dropped a Buffalo nickel in a stall and found an image of a First Nations chief on the stall door. So he busted that door apart and found a secret note! But what was on the note? Friend, you'll just have to tune in next week.

Like most of you, I really dislike that jerk cop who just walks around the station being an ass. In this case he outright jeered at Sheriff Truman's dead son for having committed suicide after coming back from war. Like, jump in a toilet, you piece of S? Anyway, this dispatcher lady told him off real good and I appreciated that.

We ended with a performance by Sharon Van Etten, who was last seen hanging out in a glass chamber in The OA. She had probably been like, "Nope, not weird enough. Need something weirder." This was a nice song. Great job, Sharon Van Etten! She is showing up in all my favorite shows lately.

"Part 6" continued the trend of slowly and subtly bringing the plot threads together. This episode was downright tight? I really enjoyed it, and though by no means do I demand lucid storytelling, it's actually getting clearer by the hour. Twin Peaks remains an utter, unexpected pleasure. Now bring it, Diane!

Twin Peaks airs Sundays at 9/8c on Showtime.

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